Relationships and Romance

I'm not sure if people here might tire of how frequently I post here, and about the same thing over and over no less, so before I continue, just know this is more just for me than for anyone else. It's good to get things off your chest and into the open sometimes.
I’ve just been catching up on recent posts on here but thought to say I agree with the bolded above - if these posts are helping to get things off your chest then please don’t feel like it’s a hindrance at all!

@Neil.T nice to hear from you also! Hope you and Aya are well.
 
@Aaron:

Dude, what??? 🤣
No!!

(Okay, maybe a wee Blue Peter badge, then? 😋)

I mean what I said, though, dude. Yer one of my favourites here, and I'm not shy to admit that.

###

@IncendiaryLemon, @HWR:

Thanks for the well wishes, guys; that's really kind. 🙂

Yep, we're good, thanks. Aya's up here in Scotland now. The settling-in process is ongoing, getting sorted with this and that.

And again I mean what I say: you only need literally one good opportunity to come your way and it can change a lot. So... 🤞

I always keep up with this thread, so I'm right here cheering for y'all.
 
@Aaron:

Dude, what??? 🤣
No!!

(Okay, maybe a wee Blue Peter badge, then? 😋)

I mean what I said, though, dude. Yer one of my favourites here, and I'm not shy to admit that.

###

@IncendiaryLemon, @HWR:

Thanks for the well wishes, guys; that's really kind. 🙂

Yep, we're good, thanks. Aya's up here in Scotland now. The settling-in process is ongoing, getting sorted with this and that.

And again I mean what I say: you only need literally one good opportunity to come your way and it can change a lot. So... 🤞

I always keep up with this thread, so I'm right here cheering for y'all.

Glad to hear that Neil, hope all goes well for the pair of you. Even if the rest of us get nowhere, it's good to know at least one of us managed to find happiness :)
 
Even if the rest of us get nowhere, it's good to know at least one of us managed to find happiness :)
Blimey, it took me until age 38 to get to this point, buddy.
(Don't take so long yourself, eh? 😅)

But even if you did, that's okay too. So long as you can find your own meaning in the things you do. That's how I've come to see things anyway.

But anyhow... 🤞🤞
Those are for you. One day at a time just now.
 
So, it’s me again. Of course. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been posting about it a lot here recently but I just can’t stop thinking about her recently. Perhaps it’s just because the further away I get from her last message back in May, the more likely it becomes that she’ll never speak to me again, and that not only makes me sad, but it scares me a lot. I don’t want to admit it’s over. She said in her last message to me that she still cares about me, and that she just needs space, but it’s been so long now. 5 months, almost half a year. I just want to talk to her, and see if we can just be friends again. However, she said that she doesn’t like how obsessive I can be, and I don’t feel as if trying to press her if she’s not comfortable would do me any favours. I just feel like there’s no good option. Either I try and end up pushing her further away or I do nothing and she just forgets about me and moves on with her life, much like I probably should have already. I feel guilty for still being this upset about this even now, because I know it’s this kind of behaviour that made her need that space in the first place. I’ve been off of my anti-depressants for a month now, my repeat prescription ran out, and I haven’t been back to the doctors given things in the world, and that’s not doing my favours either. I feel bad thoughts creeping back in again, and a general feeling of sadness and melancholy. I try to push through and smile, but it’s not always so easy. I’m just a big mess, I hate that I am how I am. I don’t want to be someone hung up on a girl who turned him down a year ago and still can’t move past it. I just want to be someone else at this point, Someone happy.
 
IncendiaryLemon I'm really sorry to hear that you are feeling so down, please do go back to the doctor and get a repeat prescription if you can. I have had some things about the situation with my friend playing on my mind the last couple of days and it is hard... I wish the greatest happiness for you! I don't wanna diss this girl but I will say she's not the right person for you and I think it's important for you to have people in your life who make you feel welcome rather than like you are "too much" or something like that. Best of luck to you! I believe you can get to a better place! :)
 
IncendiaryLemon I'm really sorry to hear that you are feeling so down, please do go back to the doctor and get a repeat prescription if you can. I have had some things about the situation with my friend playing on my mind the last couple of days and it is hard... I wish the greatest happiness for you! I don't wanna diss this girl but I will say she's not the right person for you and I think it's important for you to have people in your life who make you feel welcome rather than like you are "too much" or something like that. Best of luck to you! I believe you can get to a better place! :)

Thank you! Appreciate the support. I think I will have to see my Doctor again soon, if for nothing else than to get his opinion. As much as I don't want to appear as if I'm putting her on a pedestal again, I was too much for her a lot of times. I'd send her messages over a thousand words long, and she'd feel pressured to reply to me in similar length, when she worked long hours at work, and when she asked me to stop, I'd always end up slipping back into doing it by mistake. There were times where she literally sent me voice messages of her crying because I'd upset her with all the pressure I put on her and how I'd never change or do stop doing things she didn't feel comfortable with, because she still said she loved me and cared about me lots but didn't like a lot of the things I was doing, and I still feel so guilty about it, even now. It's because I couldn't change, even when I tried, that I ended up ruining everything. Even the event that took us to breaking point and why I haven't spoken to her in so long was because I lied to her about not having feelings for her anymore, only to then confess that I still loved her at the first chance I had when she was having romantic issues of her own. I would never, ever go out of my way to say something to hurt her on purpose, but I'd always end up saying or doing something wrong without meaning to and hurting her again and again. It's not so much that she's not right for me, but that I'm just not good enough for someone like her.
 
@Adam-M:

Thanks very much, man. 😀
Aya's up here in Scotland now. The general covid b*llocks is making things more difficult at the moment when dealing with the DVLA and the like when changing details, but what can you do, eh?

Good to run into you again. 🙂👍
 
This post is only kinda sort of tangentially related to the topic of the thread, but I still think that it fits here, so I'll just go ahead and write. It's a few days after, but I've been kind of reflecting a lot since Halloween. The 31st last year was kind of a devastating day for me. I won't go into the specifics of what triggered me exactly, but I saw something that caused me to sink to my lowest point. I was inconsolable, sitting in the arms of my Mum, not even able to talk, just cry. I basically had a complete breakdown. It's hard to think it's been a year since then, because even now it still seems so fresh to me, however, in spite of that, I feel like I've made such leaps and bounds in the progress of my mental health. It's hard to imagine now, but a year ago, I didn't even know how I was going to carry on. It legitimately seemed like I had no future, like my life was over and not worth living anymore, as if everything of value was robbed from me. As much as I did love that girl, my relationship towards her crossed into obsession and total emotional dependence. It was not a healthy place to be, and my breakdown in hindsight seems less due to anything she did really but an inevitability of my twisted and broken mental state at the time. It never could have ended well, no matter what she'd have ended up doing, even if we did get together, that level of unhealthy obsession would have eventually led to complete disaster. Hindsight is always 20:20 of course. The 6 months of no contact with her has been hurtful, but at the same time, it has also helped me to heal. Like it or not, I needed that cold turkey, total cut off just to bring me back to my senses, really. I do still think about her every day, but I mostly just think about how she is, and if she's okay. If she's happy. Maybe I'll never find out now, I'm honestly not sure. I hope I do! I hope I can eventually be in such a mental state to not only where she can accept me back into her life without having to worry about me, but to where I'm emotionally and mentally healthy enough to not take it to the extreme again. I live in hope, but who knows? Only time will tell. Even if I've lost someone dear to me along the way, I'm still glad I've managed to acend that mental pit and come out on top. I'm not perfect, I do occasionally relapse into depressive episodes, but they're becoming fewer and fewer as time goes on, which I can only take as a positive sign. There's even a new girl in my life! I haven't managed to meet her yet due to the second lockdown, but things are looking positive for the time being. If nothing else, this life experience has taught me that even when everything seems lost and nothing seems worthwhile anymore, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, there is always a way out, to get back on top. Sometimes it might just take time, sometimes it might take outside help, but there is always a reason to keep going. If I take away absolutely nothing else from this past year, it's that. Every Halloween will feel different to me now. I used to love the horror and spookiness of the holiday, and whilst it is now tainted by a traumatic time in my life, there will never be another October 31st where I won't reflect on just how much I have matured and progressed as a person in the years to come. Things have been on an upward trend since last year, and I can now only hope every year will be better than the next.
 
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Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in this thread in a while! I'm dating someone now but we haven't met in person yet cuz of Covid-9 and they haven't talked to me since last Sunday and I'm starting to worry tbh like I actually really like them and I'm hoping it will work out :/ I don't even think anyone could convince me that it isn't concerning because I expect the person I'm dating to make a certain amount of time for me... :(
 
So I talked to them quite a bit in the evening both days the weekend just gone and I feel a lot more secure now. Here's hoping it goes really well when he and I eventually meet in person! While the fact that he sometimes doesn't communicate for a while when he's busy is a bit frustrating for me emotionally, he seems to genuinely care about my wellbeing and happiness and I feel really good when I'm talking to him. He's sweet and kind and incredibly cute ^u^ <3 I hope everyone else here is doing ok :) <3
 
So I talked to them quite a bit in the evening both days the weekend just gone and I feel a lot more secure now. Here's hoping it goes really well when he and I eventually meet in person! While the fact that he sometimes doesn't communicate for a while when he's busy is a bit frustrating for me emotionally, he seems to genuinely care about my wellbeing and happiness and I feel really good when I'm talking to him. He's sweet and kind and incredibly cute ^u^ <3 I hope everyone else here is doing ok :) <3

I never got to write a reply, sorry, but I'm glad things worked out for you two.
 
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