Relationships and Romance

Phobos said:
Oh totally, it just happens and you go with it. One acts up, the other joins in. It’s just the whacky way of living, baby!
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A sense of humour is a must for me. For the longest time I used to take things to heart and way too seriously; as you tend to do when you suffer with anxiety. But over the years I've become so much more confident and self-assured, it's so easy now to just laugh at myself - it's helped a lot in coping with difficult situations. Personally my own sense of humour is exactly that - whacky, goofy nonsensical stuff. The staff I used to work with at Debenhams would tell you I belong on stage because of my propensity for being dramatic, but it was in a humerous way for entertainment 😂 🤣
 
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I agree with @Captaaainuniverse that never using the terms could be detrimental in the long run, never acknowledging your partner as your partner seems like it could only really be bad especially when it gets a bit more serious. That being said I feel constantly using such terms would also be detrimental, to me it shows a decent amount of insecurity, either in yourself your partner your relationship or a mix of all three, it strikes me as a case of if you have to try and stake your claim to everyone all the time then there’s something wrong there. As I’ve said previously I do use such termanologies, of course I do, I just don’t feel the need to go around and enlighten everyone that my partner is my fiancèe. I have enough trust in her and the relationship for random folks to be completely insignificant and everyone but me to be romantically insignificant. Ultimately I guess what I’m saying is I don’t feel the need to constantly remind her and others we are together because well, there’s no need to.
 
Phobos said:
I agree with @Captaaainuniverse that never using the terms could be detrimental in the long run, never acknowledging your partner as your partner seems like it could only really be bad especially when it gets a bit more serious. That being said I feel constantly using such terms would also be detrimental, to me it shows a decent amount of insecurity, either in yourself your partner your relationship or a mix of all three, it strikes me as a case of if you have to try and stake your claim to everyone all the time then there’s something wrong there. As I’ve said previously I do use such termanologies, of course I do, I just don’t feel the need to go around and enlighten everyone that my partner is my fiancèe. I have enough trust in her and the relationship for random folks to be completely insignificant and everyone but me to be romantically insignificant. Ultimately I guess what I’m saying is I don’t feel the need to constantly remind her and others we are together because well, there’s no need to.
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I do have to say something funny about my late mum - she always had health problems, so dad has to call some social worker over the phone, I forget why, but eventually they want to speak to my mother, and they call her his "partner" oh dear... she didn't stay in a marriage for 20+ years to be a "partner"! She's his wife! After 2 minutes of listening to mam screaming at them they begged her to speak to dad again!
 
Captaaainuniverse said:
I do have to say something funny about my late mum - she always had health problems, so dad has to call some social worker over the phone, I forget why, but eventually they want to speak to my mother, and they call her his "partner" oh dear... she didn't stay in a marriage for 20+ years to be a "partner"! She's his wife! After 2 minutes of listening to mam screaming at them they begged her to speak to dad again!
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Each to their own, I guess I can understand why some might take offecnce to being called partner in that kind of scenario from someone who knows (or at the very least should be aware) that they’re married, that just isn’t my style.
 
Great. One of the guys at work whose meant to do cover for one of the guys opposite (I'm covering the same guy on some days) has asked me to take that guys Saturday because his girlfriend booked tickets for something, I get it, I don't have a girlfriend or a life! He has the cheek to say women don't understand anything too, when I've always picked up the slack for him and lend him a charger!
 
Phobos said:
I agree with @Captaaainuniverse that never using the terms could be detrimental in the long run, never acknowledging your partner as your partner seems like it could only really be bad especially when it gets a bit more serious. That being said I feel constantly using such terms would also be detrimental, to me it shows a decent amount of insecurity, either in yourself your partner your relationship or a mix of all three, it strikes me as a case of if you have to try and stake your claim to everyone all the time then there’s something wrong there. As I’ve said previously I do use such termanologies, of course I do, I just don’t feel the need to go around and enlighten everyone that my partner is my fiancèe. I have enough trust in her and the relationship for random folks to be completely insignificant and everyone but me to be romantically insignificant. Ultimately I guess what I’m saying is I don’t feel the need to constantly remind her and others we are together because well, there’s no need to.
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I just want to be clear, I don't dislike the terms "husband" and "wife" at all, they just "seem" old fashioned to me. Perhaps I've just never actually been able to picture myself calling someone "my husband" before, because I never thought I'd love someone enough for it to matter what connotations I place on the word. Honestly, it just...never mattered because I truly at one point wrote myself off as relationship material anyway, so what I thought of the terms was irrelevant. I have a strong feeling though that with the right person it just wouldn't matter, and I'd be really proud to refer to him as my husband as opposed to "my partner". I mean, heck, when you get married, that's what you become - husband and wife, and obviously I've no issue with that (although it bothers me that when you are "pronounced" it's as "man and wife"; another "patriarchal" bug-bear of mine with traditional marriage). Maybe as well it's because I've been the observer of my own parent's "relationship" for the longest time, and there's zero trust and respect; they're just together for the sake of it - even my Dad uses the term "missus" :rolleyes:

If there's mutual trust, respect and love there, and a relationship of equals, I'd...yeah, I'd be proud to refer to each other as husband and wife.
 
A girl I know (who's just a friend) would go off her head if a "partner" referred to her as a "girlfriend". She considers herself very much the feminist and that women get a bad deal in life and she's got her reasons for it, but I think its more out of embarrassment than anything. But whoever she was with at the time wouldn't be with her if he didn't get on with her, and if he/she did get on with her then they'd understand how not to refer to her and why.
I suppose I'm just saying it's different with different people and its more about finding what sits best with them both. I wouldn't try to express an opinion on how people should speak to each other, because in my experience they'll just do what works for them.
 
Adam-M said:
they'll just do what works for them.
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Exactly. Different strokes for different folks :)

Whilst I identify as a feminist the term "partner" for me is, as I say, just something that's suited my modern attitude. I've been referred to as a girlfriend in the past and had no issues with that because that's what I was and was happy with that.

Right now though, I just don't feel such labels are a necessity because well, Neil and I just "are", and we "became what we are" in a slightly more unconventional manner than most, and I certainly acknowledge myself as "off the market" now as it were. We're still getting to know one another, and we're building a solid and trusting friendship; we just have the added benefit of knowing that we have something more than that too!

I mean this is the bloke who sellotaped the top of a banana shut to stop if from going brown and mankey and all, but, you know, this is the stuff that trusting relationships are built on, right?

:rolleyes::p;)
 
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Guys, I'd really appreciate it if the silliness could stay in one thread. It's actually not as much fun as you'd think to keep moving things, and it's actually very slightly faster to just delete things and lower post counts accordingly ;p

R
 
Rui said:
Guys, I'd really appreciate it if the silliness could stay in one thread. It's actually not as much fun as you'd think to keep moving things ;p

R
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My bad. Can I get away with blaming other people?

To get back towards topic... have people been in a position to say no to a relationship starting? If so, why?
 
Phobos said:
My bad. Can I get away with blaming other people?

To get back towards topic... have people been in a position to say no to a relationship starting? If so, why?
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I'd have to say... no? not that I can remember. don't think I'd be in a position to be that fussy as things are, anyone that likes me is a compliment, but I guess I would if I don't think it's the right person.
certain many others will expand on reasons to say no though
 
Personally my only experience in that regard was pretty odd. Whilst in my relationship and whilst they were aware I was in said relationship they proceeded to proposition their sister on me. It wouldn’t have happened under any scenario, I made that abundantly clear.
 
Phobos said:
My bad. Can I get away with blaming other people?

To get back towards topic... have people been in a position to say no to a relationship starting? If so, why?
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Wow, finally a question applicable to me!

Yes, as a matter of fact, whilst I was in Secondary School, I had a girl confess her feelings to me, but I turned her down. I didn't really know her that well, and we hadn't really spoken much before this, not to mention I was pretty close to another girl at the time and thought it was going somewhere. Kind of regret it, hindsight being 20:20 and all, nothing went anywhere with the other girl, and I've had no such romantic opportunities in the 6 or so years since then. Maybe it could've been something, maybe we really would've have hit it off. Who can say? No point dwelling on it now, I suppose.
 
IncendiaryLemon said:
Wow, finally a question applicable to me!

Yes, as a matter of fact, whilst I was in Secondary School, I had a girl confess her feelings to me, but I turned her down. I didn't really know her that well, and we hadn't really spoken much before this, not to mention I was pretty close to another girl at the time and thought it was going somewhere. Kind of regret it, hindsight being 20:20 and all, nothing went anywhere with the other girl, and I've had no such romantic opportunities in the 6 or so years since then. Maybe it could've been something, maybe we really would've have hit it off. Who can say? No point dwelling on it now, I suppose.
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I did get friends if girls in some of my classes saying someone liked me, but they were always bothering me about it and always giggling, so I just passed it off as a joke and ignorned them. As a pretty dorky and average kid with very few friends I was always a target to be picked on, so I seen humanity with utter disdain. There was another girl which I remember looked better than some of the girls who apparently liked me, but she was as dumb as her muscle boy cousin and always harassed me when we had the same classes
 
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