Relationships and Romance

Adela

Hikikomori
I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to:
 

Dave1988

Thousand Master
I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to:
It comes when you least expect it..
Mine did... Even those she is not from uk.. It happened for me and i was at that point that i had given up and just tried to enjoy what i have...but then out of thr blue... It happened... And i am not married... Would not swap her for anything... Im not the best looking..(far from it actually.. Far far far from it)
But it just happened... Soon as i saw her... I saw beuty in her not just her looks but her caring personallity
 

IdiomaticLynx

Student Council President
I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to:
I know the last thing you'd want to hear now are those phrases. The ones saying them are generally the ones who've had it happen to them (often unexpectedly), so that skews things. Sadly there are no guarantees, and we all logically know that "it might not happen" holds true for many people as well.

But... there's still merit to saying and hearing these phrases. Not to instil false hope, but to create a positive outlook. Without that you're figuratively 'closing the door'. Instead, by 'believing' them you remain open to the idea, and that might make you see opportunities you would've otherwise dismissed. But more importantly, others can and will notice this as well.

The same goes with 'feeling old'. It's interesting how there is no correlation between 'feeling old' and 'being old'. There are plenty of young/middle aged people that 'feel old' and a lot of 60+ or even 80+ people that don't 'feel old'. Just by observing someone for a couple minutes you can generally guess what they'll answer when you ask them whether they feel old or not. In a way there are two forms of 'oldness', one 'physical' and one that can be 'observed'.

As for attractiveness, the same applies here as well, sort of. It's just that there's a lot more subjectivity when it comes to attractiveness, but I'd argue the same two distinct forms exists. There are physical traits that can make someone more attractive, but there's also a form of attractiveness that can only be observed. And the latter is both wonderful and unexplainable. Just realize it works both ways. You might happen to be attracted to someone (not (just) based on looks) and someone might be attracted to you in this way.

There's nothing you can do to change your physical age and appearance-wise there's only so much you can do. But not feeling old and feeling attractive is something that can be done. In fact, I'll put it bluntly: it's a choice. If you want, you can choose to feel young and attractive. Personally I was always very sceptical of this. Positive thinking always appeared as 'make believe' and faking it. After all, aren't you just 'telling' yourself something is true, without actually believing it? But nowadays I see it differently. It's essentially training. Just like how lifting a weight once, doesn't make you strong and might make you wonder, what am I doing? But keep at it and you'll get stronger. In fact, you will be strong outside of training as well. For me, it works exactly the same with positive thinking. At first it feels fake and useless, but after a while you get used to it and it's effects become apparent even when not 'training'.

Still, this doesn't guarantee anything. But I'm sure that anyone who feels young and attractive would consider their chances to be higher than zero. And logically, if there is a chance, give it enough time and it'll happen eventually.

~~~
Apologies for this unsolicited advice. While I did write it as a reply to your post, the above is meant more as a generic message and I hope it can be of help to anyone reading it. Feel free to dismiss it as well-meant nonsense (I know the me from years ago would as well).
 
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