Aww, dude. I'm sure you'd have something to add.This thread is really interesting - I’m just lurking because I don’t really have much to add
Because after the General Conversation Area, I'm trying to turn this into the Therapy Zone next; that's why!Why am I imagining @Neil.T sitting in an old armchair, legs crossed, hands in the Gendo pose, speaking with a German accent and puffing on a large cigar?
Happy pastry to you too @Donut, happy pastry to you too <3 (yes I understand you were actually saying that you are a happy pastry, and it makes me happy to hear that!)
Aww thanks so much @Donut! He and I are still talking and we are gonna meet up again tomorrow, we talked more about how we feel about each other and it turns out he was in an abusive longterm relationship fairly recently so he's not ready for another relationship yet, he said he does want a romantic relationship with me, just not right now, but we are still gonna talk online and he still wants to visit me when I go back home so I'm still really happy... I really feel for him though that must have been horrible for him But I firmly believe there is hope
I decided not to pursue it any further cuz there were certain things he said that made me afraid he might rape or sexually assault me... couldn't be sure but it's not worth the risk, though I did offer to be online friends with him still cuz I care about him, dunno if he'll talk to me again ^^ I'm OK though, tbh I think a lot of what stops me from being happy single is judgments that other people place on the way a person lives their life, that I have internalized, so I'm doing what I can to break free of all that, and live in a way that makes me happy rather than trying to live up to other's standards. Thanks for what you said @Donut, I really appreciate it, I'm sorry I never replied and I hope you and your mum are happy and well as you read this
I'm glad that you're trusting your gut, any red flags or things that make you uncomfortable are important to make note of and you've done what you needed to do in order to feel safe and comfortable. It's hard when you've experienced a lot of trauma, to trust again, but it's good that you're able to focus on yourself and that you recognize that your happiness and self acceptance is the priority here! I think the right person will not only make you feel 100% safe without any inklings of doubt, but they'll show you the utmost appreciation and support what makes YOU truly happy. So I'm proud of you I know this must have been hard and to have to experience these fears because this guy showed red flags must have been overwhelming. I hope you're doing alright! You're very strong.
Thank you for the love too! I've been a little quiet, I finished my extra work shifts and my mum phoned me in tears two days ago......it's stage three cancer and unfortunately it is malignant. That is what we were waiting on: if the cancer was a later stage, benign, malignant and the rest. She gets the dates soon and I'm soon going to be travelling three hours back home to be with her and stay as her carer for a while. Work already know and are supportive, so I might end up being pretty awol for the rest of the year. I swear cancer and illness follow my family and that literally every traumatic or difficult thing has happened in the autumn or winter, which is weird and a little sad because mum's birthday is in autumn and it's my favourite season.
The boyfriend has been very supportive too and doesn't mind that we won't get to meet yet and friends have been brilliant, I've just taken a few days to exist if I'm honest! I think I've got two work days coming up so I'm just going to get everything done that needs doing because I have a feeling this or next week might be my last there for some time.....so I'll leave the place with everything done so my lovely colleagues have nothing to worry about in my place as it's been really mad here.
She had breast cancer when I was little and twenty-one years later it's come back so at best it's going to be radiotherapy and another lumpectomy, then they have to remove her lymph nodes and if it has already spread sadly she'll need chemo and that's what really damaged my dad before he died. I'm twenty seven and my mum is barely sixty and dad was just seventy when he died a few years ago and it's really hard to wrap my head around. On top of that, I'm young but there's been a few reasons for me to be worried recently even before this news so I too might need to go back and ask for some checks. You can't get a mammogram under forty but with the repeated cancer cases in both halves of my family and now mum getting breast cancer again I have a feeling the hospital won't be sending an apology letter back this time saying the links aren't strong enough. It's just mum and me now so it's very strange. But I have to be strong and responsible and I've managed to keep my head up for her and be a support and that's what I'll continue to do.
It comes when you least expect it..I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to:
I know the last thing you'd want to hear now are those phrases. The ones saying them are generally the ones who've had it happen to them (often unexpectedly), so that skews things. Sadly there are no guarantees, and we all logically know that "it might not happen" holds true for many people as well.I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to: