I mean, I would hope the idea that everything that goes on within a relationship should be consensual would go without saying, yeah. There are definitely people out there who are okay with things other people would consider degrading or abusive though, so it can be a bit of a fine line - Not just thinking of kinks here, but religious practices as well. But if someone is genuinely okay with something (rather than just saying they are out of fear - I think it's important to ascertain which it is) then I’m not really sure it's anyone else's place to tell them they shouldn't be. Potentially interesting subject for discussion on its own, that.I agree, as long as one's expectations are not blatantly abusive (like men who won't marry a woman who hasn't been subjected to FGM, to take an example that always comes to mind for me, or saying your partner isn't allowed to have any friends or be in touch with their family so you won't feel insecure or in competition with anyone ever, to take a more emotionally rather than physically abusive category example), then it's important to respect people's differing needs and wants, as you said.
As for wanting what you want, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that (as long as you think it meets your own moral standards of not doing anyone else any harm!) and it’s pretty crappy that you’ve ever been made to feel that there was. Everyone should feel entitled to have whatever standards/preferences in partners or a relationships they like. But at the same time, none of us are entitled to get what we want, either. And that’s as much a reminder to myself as it is advice to anyone else. Such is life, I guess.