Relationships and Romance

Phobos said:
@~AyaMachi~ i also like my heritage sites, I generally leave them as incorporations into holidays or days out rather than as a specific event. Although I can see the appeal of going to one taking a blanket and just having a bit of a snuggle whilst you’re there. What’s the most recent site you went to? For me it’s Whitby abbey as we had a holiday close by.

I am also similar in the typical romantic gifts, I’m not a big giver of flowers (can count the times I’ve bought my partner some on one hand) chocolate on the other hand, we both like chocolate so I’m more liable to buy that albeit just going to Poundland and loading a basket up with whatever I can find or popping around the local shop. It’s for snacking when we fancy some so no need for exorbitantly priced stuff.
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Oh Christ yeah, we went out to quite a few different places. He (the ex) bought us National Trust membership for Christmas, so we could just take off one weekend and basically just...pick a site! Honestly I can't remember the most recent place I've been to; it probably was Bodnant Gardens a couple of years back - I don't have a car right now so I tend not to bother going far afield (I know I can use public transport but I'd rather wait until I can get a set of wheels if I'm honest). There's a f**kton of Castles here in Wales too that I haven't even been to! SHOCKER! Just Googled Whitbey Abbey - looks grand dude :) can't beat a bit of old monastic history 👍

I do like flowers, but honestly, I prefer them in the garden. I remember one time, ex #4 had a bunch of roses (and some other random foliage) delivered to me once. My Mum was like, "Oh my, someone's lucky!" 😄 😅 Don't get me wrong, they were lovely, but the gesture to me seemed a bit...OTT! I think he was a proper, "old fashioned" romancer, and it's just not me! I mean, this guy was one for writing verses as well, and again, it's a sweet gesture for someone who actually likes that stuff, but it made me 🤢 🤮

🤣 😃 😄 😅 😆

I just don't believe it needs to be an expensive affair. You're celebrating the length of time you've loved one another, and the commitment you show to one another, and I'd rather show that in cuddles and stuff! Plus they're free of charge!

At least, I hope they are. Unless @Neil.T's been keeping tabs and is charging me extortionate amounts. I'll end up with a huge bill!

🤣 😃 😄 😅 😆
 
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So, what about resolving conflict? How do folk here get through disagreements or disputes? How easy/hard do people find it to communicate thoughts and feelings to partners?
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
So, what about resolving conflict? How do folk here get through disagreements or disputes? How easy/hard do people find it to communicate thoughts and feelings to partners?
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Depends what the disagreement/dispute is really and how major it is. Most of the time things can be talked through.
 
It goes back to a topic from a few days ago but conflict resolution is all about communication with us. We just bluntly say when things are bothering us, even if it's not the most subtle or polite thing to do. We do have disagreements but they tend to pass by in a few minutes at the most because we're both too relaxed to let things smoulder, which means we have a reputation among friends and family for never arguing (which is silly). My parents-in-law (unmarried; partner's mother and her long term partner) have a very firey relationship with dramas every few days so they're perplexed by us.

On that note it drives me completely crazy when I'm reading a romance manga and there's some stupid misunderstanding which could all be resolved in seconds if people just spoke to one another directly instead of beating around the bush. Argh! Talk to one another, fictional characters!

R
 
Rui said:
beating around the bush
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One thing I can't be doing with. I used to be super shy and suffered with anxiety, and it's only in recent times I've really developed in confidence and been able to really...speak my mind and stand up for myself. Granted I still come from some discussions with lots of retrospective thoughts in my mind, but, I think so long as the conflict/issue is resolved eventually, and in the best way you could resolve it under those circumstances.

On that note, one thing that was bothering me initially when Neil and I started messaging and calling each other, was that the phone calls in particular were always sort of "light hearted" in nature. I mean, I expect that anyway, of course, but I was getting the feeling that neither of us wanted to broach any "heavier" issues that might have been bothering us. I don't like things festering; for me, things need to be talked about in the first instance, however difficult they might be to broach. A couple of weeks ago I messaged saying that I really think we need to be more upfront - about anything - over the phone, because, well, we don't have body language to go off, so we're already missing a significant aspect that makes communication so much easier. I feel that, at least in voice, it means that things are less likely to get - misinterpreted as they might via a written message.
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
So, what about resolving conflict? How do folk here get through disagreements or disputes? How easy/hard do people find it to communicate thoughts and feelings to partners?
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A lot of people say it but ; communication. You can only resolve things by finding out what caused the conflict, which requires people to talk to each other. Again I haven't had that kind of relationship myself so I can't really talk from experience, but from seeing it happen in other couples a lot of conflict can seem very silly and sweat the small stuff, a few obvious big issues though that can kind of haunt relationships is cheating, money and possibly children, when only one partner wants a child
 
Communication is such a great thing yet so many don't know or won't use it which is a shame.
As if you can't be honest with each other then what is the points in being friends or more?
For it is always more respectful to be honest and explain why you don't like or have an issue with something to avoid any misunderstanding.
Though some of my friends do point out " But Luke that would mean some people using some form of intelligence like common sense as most of humanity is lacking in that area " lol

If you trust each other then you can resolve things easy enough most of the time with out any need for dramatics.
 
I agree for the most part that communication is key but as @Captaaainuniverse points out there’s some big issues that can’t easily get resolved (pretty much what I was alluding to by how major the issues are) in those kind of instances you have to find if you want the relationship to continue and then work hard on getting it back on track if you do, just don’t expect things to be like they were before. Certain things can drastically change a relationship.
 
Rui said:
On that note it drives me completely crazy when I'm reading a romance manga and there's some stupid misunderstanding which could all be resolved in seconds if people just spoke to one another directly instead of beating around the bush. Argh! Talk to one another, fictional characters!
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This exact thing utterly drives me up the wall, particularly when whole plots are fuelled by the characters being idiots... :eek:
 
Characters in anime can be just as bad. Will they/Won't they? Are they/Arent they? InuYasha - 200 odd episodes and he finally kisses Kagome at the very end! . Up until that point they were just annoying each other and bickering!
 
Rui said:
We do have disagreements but they tend to pass by in a few minutes at the most because we're both too relaxed to let things smoulder, which means we have a reputation among friends and family for never arguing (which is silly). My parents-in-law (unmarried; partner's mother and her long term partner) have a very firey relationship with dramas every few days so they're perplexed by us.
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I mentioned before about my ex's family seemingly never having a disagreement about anything. That's how it genuinely appeared to me - they were almost always agreeable to the point where it was unsettling. To me, every relationship, be if friends, family, couple will have disagreements or misunderstandings at some point. Things needn't get heated, it's just down to how you both handle the situation, and if you're both secure and confident in each other, then it tends to get resolved instantly and without fuss. For me it's about listening to each other's perspectives and taking it on board (both sides of the story). If it's differences in opinion, then it's just respecting the other's opinion, even if you don't necessarily agree with it. As for people with drama-filled lives, I think they tend to thrive on that stuff. If there's no drama, they tend to create it! I must admit it's not for me. Sure you can be passionate when you argue/debate something, but when you're creating drama that dosn't need to be there, that's just a waste of energy to me. I suffer with pernicious anaemia as it is, so I don't even have the energy to expend in the first place! 😅
 
We have one rule with arguing. We don't go to sleep angry with each other. It has to be sorted before then because if you go to sleep angry with your OH you wake up angry too.

We have a lot of little fights here and there but never anything major. We both have strong, opinionated, personalities so it's inevitable and neither of us back down easy so it's an important rule. We've both had to swallow our pride at some point to accomplish it but at the end of the day our relationship is more important than whatever the argument was about.
 
serpantino said:
We have one rule with arguing. We don't go to sleep angry with each other. It has to be sorted before then because if you go to sleep angry with your OH you wake up angry too.

We have a lot of little fights here and there but never anything major. We both have strong, opinionated, personalities so it's inevitable and neither of us back down easy so it's an important rule. We've both had to swallow our pride at some point to accomplish it but at the end of the day our relationship is more important than whatever the argument was about.
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Couldn't have put it better 👍

Btw you're not a red panda in real life are you?

:p
 
Phobos said:
So how would folks go about tackling whatever youd class as a major issue in a relationship?
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Just communicate every step of the way. I think people so often these days just resign to the fact that things are "unfixable", when in fact, if you both talk and listen, in equal measure, most things can be sorted, even seemingly major stuff. So many people just want to "throw in the towel", as it were, without even trying. I mean, if the relationship means something to you, then surely you want to try to salvage it, even if it means swallowing your pride to a degree; tough but that's life! I think people are so often to proud to just admit to mistakes, or admit when they're wrong about something (I will always hold my hands up if I've dropped a b****k).

I think people lose sight of what the initial attraction was, and how much the relationship means, and they get too caught up in who's right, and who's the better person, when it shouldn't come to that. If you're mature and responsible, then you can talk like adults.

I mean, if you've tried talking, and things are still seemingly irreconsilable, then you probably need to take the next logical step in possibly parting ways, but in my opinion, you can talk through even major things and find a way, especially if you truly love the person and the relationship that you have!

Sorry, that was a bit rushed - about to dash off for work! 😄 😅
 
What constitutes as a major issue can depend on the person; it's subjective in that sense I guess, but so long as you're able to get a sense of perspective on things. But as mentioned, people so often just want to avoid communicating outright, which is no good, because you just can't solve anything stewing in silence and resent!
 
I agree for the most part but in things I’d class as I think there needs to be a step after communication generally the party that has done wrong showing they’ve learnt and aren’t arent about go doing the same thing again. OBviously this takes time and a lot of communication but if the relationship is worth having it’s worth putting the effort into.
 
Phobos said:
I agree for the most part but in things I’d class as I think there needs to be a step after communication generally the party that has done wrong showing they’ve learnt and aren’t arent about go doing the same thing again. OBviously this takes time and a lot of communication but if the relationship is worth having it’s worth putting the effort into.
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I get what you're saying, and I think that would certainly apply itself to a situation where trust has been breeched, for example, cheating on the other person or hiding information.
 
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