Relationships and Romance

Demelza said:
I think that’s the sign of a good relationship, in my opinion anyway. Admittedly I like being able to throw around terms like boyfriend, fiancé etc. but we don’t need them, we’re just us. I guess I use them, not to boast, but because I’m happy with what we have and I like being able to say he’s my partner in crime. I’m just a soppy romantic at heart I guess who has read waaaaay too much shojo lol. I think feeling comfortable enough not to have to say that though means you trust in each other and feel comfortable in the situation, so it’s sweet. :)
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Don't get me wrong, if Neil said to me that he'd like to use those terms, I'd have no issue with it! I guess we've just bungled along like this for this long now without, we've just, not bothered! 😅 Weirdly, whilst I'm okay with the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", it's "husband" and "wife" that don't sit too well with me. I've always viewed them as, old fashioned? And whilst I would acknowledge in my mind/heart that it's what we are, I don't know how comfortable I would be using the terms if I was telling other people, for example ("this is my husband..."). I've always envisaged using the term "partner", just because it's...I dunno, I just feel more at ease with the term - it's modern I guess, and it's more inkeeping with my modern attitudes?

Phobos said:
I totally get you on not having to use specific terms @~AyaMachi~ thats a very good thing, I do personally enjoy being able to say my partner is my fiancèe however it’s not like I go around introducing her as my fiancèe, first and foremost she’s her and we are what we are. There’s no need to flaunt it but I do take pleasure out of being able to say we are as far in our relationship as we are. Too many we ares there?
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Yeah, I guess that's just it - we're secure in ourselves and the relationship to, I dunno, just not have to use those terms. I guess I'm mindful of the fact that it's Neil's first meaningful relationship as well? I mean, heck, I really don't want to feel like I'm putting words into his mouth here because he's totally capable of speaking for himself regarding this and anything else, and maybe sometime he'll give his thoughts, but, for me personally, this is how I see it :) Plus, he knows he can speak to me at any time :)
 
For me maturity comes down to how one reacts to situations and deals with them. Humour wise I can be immature at times and there's nothing wrong with being silly and relaxed (heck look at GenCov.) However, when it's needed I'm serious and collected. I suppose I'd need that to be mutual for a relationship to work.

I don't think I could deal with someone who acted childishly and immaturely when faced with the many difficulties and complexities in everyday life and human relations. I often hear on how couples around me are acting and when problems arise it usually stems from the lack of dynamic stated above.
 
HWR said:
For me maturity comes down to how one reacts to situations and deals with them. Humour wise I can be immature at times and there's nothing wrong with being silly and relaxed (heck look at GenCov.) However, she it's needed I'm serious and collected. I suppose I'd need that to be mutual for a relationship to work.

I don't think I could deal with someone who acted childishly and immaturely when faced with the many difficulties and complexities in everyday life and human relations. I often hear on how couples around me are acting and when problems arise it usually stems from the lack of dynamic stated above.
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Absolutely! Look, I'm a complete goofball, but when it matters, I'm level-headed and mature. It's down to the situation, but also, having a deal of common sense mixed with emotional intelligence. Some people though just lack emotional maturity, and therefore struggle to keep themselves in check in that respect. They act like spoiled children.
 
That’s one thing I like here, not having to necessitate the need to use terms like boyfriend/wife etc. It to me personally shows more respect towards your partner than when I see some constantly use the terms as if they’re trying to stake their claim and treat the other person as property. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying people should never use such terms, just more I’m on the side of not having to use the terms constantly.
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
Absolutely! Look, I'm a complete goofball, but when it matters, I'm level-headed and mature. It's down to the situation, but also, having a deal of common sense mixed with emotional intelligence. Some people though just lack emotional maturity, and therefore struggle to keep themselves in check in that respect. They act like spoiled children.
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Indeed some think you can deal with a serious situation like they would a humorous one, as if the distinction has all but blurred in their heads and they expect those on the receiving end to understand.

I may be emotionally distant but even I know that this can cause damage.
 
HWR said:
For me maturity comes down to how one reacts to situations and deals with them. Humour wise I can be immature at times and there's nothing wrong with being silly and relaxed (heck look at GenCov.) However, when it's needed I'm serious and collected. I suppose I'd need that to be mutual for a relationship to work.

I don't think I could deal with someone who acted childishly and immaturely when faced with the many difficulties and complexities in everyday life and human relations. I often hear on how couples around me are acting and when problems arise it usually stems from the lack of dynamic stated above.
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I honestly couldn’t have phrased that better myself. There’s a time and place for everything, even silliness but people have to have the capability of being calm and well mature when necessary.
 
HWR said:
Indeed some think you can deal with a serious situation like they would a humorous one, as if the distinction has all but blurred in their heads and they expect those on the receiving end to understand.

I may be emotionally distant but even I know that this can cause damage.
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Oh definitely, to some extent I believe it depends on the people in question and of course the specific situation. As a rule of thumb however I think there should be a clear differential.
 
Phobos said:
That’s one thing I like here, not having to necessitate the need to use terms like boyfriend/wife etc. It to me personally shows more respect towards your partner than when I see some constantly use the terms as if they’re trying to stake their claim and treat the other person as property. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying people should never use such terms, just more I’m on the side of not having to use the terms constantly.
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One term I really hate is "the missus"; it's really "laddish". Don't like it!

I think when people are scrambling for domestic dominance it's a sign of insecurity anyway. If you're completely comfortable in a relationship and there's trust and mutual respect, you just use whatever terms your comfortable using in the way that suits both. I mean heck, King George III and his wife Charlotte used to call each other "Mr and Mrs King" 😅
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
One term I really hate is "the missus"; it's really "laddish". Don't like it!

I think when people are scrambling for domestic dominance it's a sign of insecurity anyway. If you're completely comfortable in a relationship and there's trust and mutual respect, you just use whatever terms your comfortable using in the way that suits both. I mean heck, King George III and his wife Charlotte used to call each other "Mr and Mrs King" 😅
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I like mr and mrs king. Totally the kind of thing I’d do myself! I agree in terms of the misses. Totally dislike it. Seems very disrespectful to me.
 
Phobos said:
I like mr and mrs king. Totally the kind of thing I’d do myself! I agree in terms of the misses. Totally dislike it. Seems very disrespectful to me.
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I think for Neil and I it would be "Mr and Mrs Numpty" 😅

Yeah, I don't like that term, it seems degrading to me personally. It's the same with men referring to women as "birds" or "chicks". I do not have feathers and a beak!
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
I think for Neil and I it would be "Mr and Mrs Numpty" 😅

Yeah, I don't like that term, it seems degrading to me personally. It's the same with men referring to women as "birds" or "chicks". I do not have feathers and a beak!
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That terminology has always felt very bizarre to me. Nothing wrong with just using terms like Lady and Woman surely. It works for great songs (especially Stevie Wonder) after all (Golden Lady is too smooth for the room.) or better yet just referring to other people by their name, surely that makes the most sense..
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
I think for Neil and I it would be "Mr and Mrs Numpty" 😅

Yeah, I don't like that term, it seems degrading to me personally. It's the same with men referring to women as "birds" or "chicks". I do not have feathers and a beak!
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#numpty dumpty sat on a wall... :p for some reason that popped into my head and I had to share.

Birds chicks I agree with, duck on the other hand I’m impartial about.
 
HWR said:
That terminology has always felt very bizarre to me. Nothing wrong with just using terms like Lady and Woman surely. It works for great songs (especially Stevie Wonder) after all (Golden Lady is too smooth for the room.) or better yet just referring to other people by their name, surely that makes the most sense..
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That I agree, I’d rather refer to my partner by name than give an arbitrary term that ultimately could refer to anyone. Of course if it’s just us pair then I have no qualms at all about pet names. Hell I’ll use pet names as long as I’m talking to her directly regardless of who else is around.
 
Phobos said:
That I agree, I’d rather refer to my partner by name than give an arbitrary term that ultimately could refer to anyone. Of course if it’s just us pair then I have no qualms at all about pet names. Hell I’ll use pet names as long as I’m talking to her directly regardless of who else is around.
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Pet names are sweet because it's unique to you and the person. It's between the two of you. I mean, I do call Neil a dork/goof/numpty lots of the time, but, I love that, and he tells me he loves it ^^

Sometimes it's Mr McPoutypants though if he's in a wee strop ;)
 
Pet names are cute. It might just be my upbringing around so many animals, but because they have multiple different names on top of their actual name, then so does my poor other half. It wouldn’t feel right just to use his name all the time and not different variations of it as well as other things~

We also have the side affect that because we met online originally I spend a lot of time just callliny him by his screen name, which doesn’t work in reverse for him as my name actually is Demelza.
 
Feel free to just, continue on with anything relevant regarding the other questions; I'm just putting this one out there - engagement! Who here is engaged? How long? Is there a right/wrong length of time? Got any stories to share (whether it's you or someone you know?). Ideal engagement situation - nice and private or in front of a crowd of hundreds? ^^
 
Demelza said:
It might just be my upbringing around so many animals, but because they have multiple different names on top of their actual name
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Oh Christ it's not just me that does this. Our poor cats over the years have had so many nicknames! 😅
 
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