The General Conversation Area

Discussion in 'Random Chit-Chat' started by Tachi, Feb 24, 2009.

  1. IncendiaryLemon

    IncendiaryLemon Captain Karen AUKN Staff

    First of all, thank you for taking the time to write such a long post! I honestly appreciate people taking time out of their day to try and help me out a bit, same to you @Neil.T. It is pretty reassuring to know that people who have been in a similar position to me have found their way out of it. Perhaps I am a little too harsh on myself sometimes, but I've been that way for as long as I can remember, and I've never had much in the way of self esteem or self confidence, so perhaps a good way to make a change would just be to perhaps not be so overtly and inwardly negative all the time, as you say. Contrasting this post to the ones from @Neil.T kinda made me realise that it can go either way really, and like you mention, the world is constantly shifting around us, and it's impossible to predict anything. Even if all hope may seem lost at the moment, there is 0 guarantee it will stay like that.
    Zin5ki likes this.
  2. Neil.T

    Neil.T Hunter

    Yes, Lemon, you are being too harsh on yourself. You're holding yourself to higher account than most people do, and that is simply unfair. It creates an unlevel playing field and is really stacking the odds against yourself. It's like a conscious or unconscious self-sabotage.

    This is an interesting one, because up until a certain point I would have fretted over the same thing. I can't really pin it down to any particular point in time, but somewhere along the line it just ceased to be a problem. I think the breaking point must have come when I eventually just got bored and fed up with analysing and trying to rationalise it. What a difference that made, in hindsight. Like I said before, it was one less stick to beat myself with, and that in itself made a huge difference to my overall mindset.

    If anything, I wish I'd gotten bored of it sooner.

    Yeah, well, make sure you go @Demelza's way and not mine. Or you'll have me to answer to. ;)

    For myself, if I may, things have been very up and down since my first post in this thread a couple of weeks ago. It swings between quietly excited hope and actual crying despondency. Being able to see all of this in one place in this thread has forced me to confront it and acknowledge that it is actually happening. I was looking at something I'd heard of recently on Wikipedia, and I ended up on a different page that was shockingly familiar. It was the page on Bipolar II disorder. I'm really, really shocked at how familiar the signs and symptoms seem. Surely not?

    Lastly, I was hoping to ask some opinion again. There's a girl at my workplace who I speak to most days. (It's not like that! :p) A while back, I couldn't help but overhear a conversation she was having with someone where I think she made reference to a new boyfriend. (From what I'd gathered she'd been single during the time we'd worked in the same place. None of my business, I know!) Since overhearing that, I feel from my side like it's easier to talk more freely, because I feel within myself that she's less likely to think that I might have "ideas". I hasten to repeat that I never did have any "ideas". I just have a guilt complex about it. :p

    I've experienced this before and wondered whether this is a strange or flawed mentality? Or is that actually quite common?
  3. Dave1988

    Dave1988 Adventurer

    Life in general can be tough i myself have very low self asteem and what makes it worse at the moment i really like a girl i work with._._._she says she likes me aswel we text and talk etc but i keep asking her out and i keep getting the same answer back ` IM BUSY' why do women toy with you she knows my feelings about her is she doing it to boost her ego?/
  4. Watanabe Ken

    Watanabe Ken Great Teacher

    Sounds like she enjoys the attention you give her and is using you to make herself feel good
    Dave1988 likes this.
  5. Dave1988

    Dave1988 Adventurer

    Thats what i thought tbh i need to let go and move on i feel
  6. Watanabe Ken

    Watanabe Ken Great Teacher

    Yeah I wouldn't waste the time and energy on her buddy there's plenty more girls out there you'll find the right one eventually.
    Dave1988 likes this.
  7. Neil.T

    Neil.T Hunter

    My genuine condolences to you, @Dave1988. The singular time I was able to get as far as asking someone out, as I mentioned in an earlier post, the initial "Yeah, okay" later turned into "too busy just now". I know where you're coming from, man. I just hope it doesn't sting for you too much. :(

    I keep meaning to mention:
    Heh, me too.

    I couldn't agree more; I'm sure that's absolutely true. Nothing will cure everything on its own: it's all about balance, I guess. (Something I admit I've never been very good at.)

    I'm quite sure that's true as well. But let me put this out there:

    If you had reached your thirties without ever having experienced any of it, how do you reckon you would feel? It can feel like you're on the opposite side of a very high wall. I guarantee you'd want to see what's on the other side.

    To return to something in my previous post, if I may, I'm personally finding these "hypomanic" phases (if that's what they are) are actually proving very useful. Though it's obviously not something I'd recommend to anyone, they can definitely be used to your advantage if you're mindful of it and just dial it down a little. It's providing great momentum and some incredible positive changes at the moment.

    They may talk to strangers easily, offer solutions to problems ... Such advantages may render them unwilling to submit to treatment, especially when symptoms do not impair functioning, the Wikipedia article says. At the moment, at least, I can see why.
    Dave1988 likes this.
  8. Rui

    Rui Karamatsu Boy Administrator

    Can confirm that big noses on boys (and girls) are perfectly cute. If you hate something about yourself, would it turn you off if someone of your preferred gender configuration had the same flaw?

    I know people a decade past that who are still in the same place. They're not happy about it, but ultimately they haven't been prioritising looking (or have ridiculous standards, like wanting no previous relationships or tattoos on a girl - that kind of restriction only makes things harder the older you get)! The people I know who actively put themselves out there do tend to succeed, though the process is terribly awkward and embarrassing for the shy ones.

    At the same time I've got other friends who have been in and out of relationships but they don't work out for what amounts to the same reason; the guys have things they prioritises over the partner and that means that they bail at the first bump in the road. I don't think it's good to be codependent but if you want a close relationship and one person moves town or changes jobs, you have to factor that into your life and be willing to come to a compromise - and they aren't. Which is fine if they're happy. It's a matter of priorities.

    I wouldn't take the 'I'm busy' thing too hard. Girls do tend to get a lot more invitations than guys and when you're swimming in people showing interest it all gets a bit overwhelming, especially when you're not in the right frame of mind to be dating and they are. Simply saying 'I'm not interested' just unleashes abuse or excuses in a certain type of guy and sadly every girl over a certain age has experienced that at least once, so this stupid web of lies is rolled out instead, completely confusing the perfectly reasonable guys who just want a straightforward answer with no baggage. Plus people are scared that if they flat out say 'no' they'll be down a friend, as per the previous discussion!

    Or she might just be busy. Maybe ask about that and leave the date part for afterwards?

    Neil.T and Vashdaman like this.
  9. Vashdaman

    Vashdaman Za Warudo

    Hello another pretty big nose here. I'm glad to hear they're cute in Rui's book! I also second that they're cute in girls, I'm pretty into them actually. The woman I fancy at the moment has no small nose and that's great! She's my age which is good, and is just lovely, that's the only way I can describe her really. I really would like a lover my own age like her right now, I think the chances of it working out and us clicking are higher on the whole. And yet, that she's my age is also my biggest cause of doubt that she'd like me, as while I don't think I'm emotionally immature, I am the definition of 'scrub' or 'wasteman' and other such stupid words. I.e I've never left home, have no current career prospects, not to mention my limited relationship experience. I like to think I make up for it with my lyrical abilities, but I completely lack the outward signifiers of adult life.

    But still I completely agree with Rui that putting yourself out there will pay off eventually. I'm hoping it does for me. Just keep going
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2017
    Neil.T likes this.
  10. serpantino

    serpantino Straw Hat Pirate

    Big noses must be an anime thing :p

    It's impossible for me to see things from that angle sadly but life is always like that and you'll never be happy if you spend your entire life focused on what if's.

    When I was 17 I got together with my first girlfriend. Sadly back then I didn't know how to cope with my mental illness and it made things very difficult so our relationship didn't last all that long. Despite that she became this perfect thing to aspire towards regaining and I never managed to get over her and move on and eventually, through no fault of her own, it got to the point that I practically took my own life (there were other elements in play too of course) and I woke up 3 days later in hospital.
    Anyway.... I had a bit of a new determination after that but still found myself clinging onto her because she was still trying to help me and sadly I had no option but to cut off all ties with that girl (she was a real good soul, which made it all so hard.) That practically destroyed me.

    Long story short I met my current (2nd) partner and I've somehow managed to keep things going for 5 years. My partner is currently struggling to deal with some recent deaths in the family and it's something that I've never had to deal with before. I just can't get my head around it and say the right thing and it's very difficult to cope with, compounded again by my underlying mental illness which can make me pretty dead emotionally sometimes. I know now that I wasn't mentally equipped to cope with this kind of thing back then, I can just about cope now but I believe that love isn't just a feeling, it's a conscious decision you make to be with someone every day, even when things are difficult.

    As for my ex, she's still in my mind and dreams from time to time, and it feels more like habit than anything, it's annoying as hell and makes me feel guilty but it makes for a good cautionary tale.

    Is it worth it? Sure, but don't desperately rush to find acceptance with someone else because you can't accept yourself or it'll just leave you in more of a mess when it doesn't work out.
    Neil.T likes this.
  11. HdE

    HdE Comic Book Guy

    I don't often follow anything outside the usual half dozen threads on this forum I post in. But I've just been looking over this while waiting for files to upload (something I frequently do at stupid times of night or far too early in the morning in hopes of doing that 'earning a living' thing.)

    But I digress. Just saw some stuff in here that made me backtrack a few pages. At the risk of making myself feel grandfatherly ( I turned 40 this week - whelp!) I've got to say something to this:

    Incendiary Lemon - it behooves me to say:


    Everything you're talking about there is, in a lot of ways, actually quite natural to worry about. But it's also not worth worrying too much about, either.

    Something I've actually come to believe as I've gotten older is that all of us tend to worry about how attractive we are to other people. But it's really not a huge deal. What makes folks attractive to others usually comes down to a lot of different factors.

    It might sound like a horrible cliche to say something as 'beauty is within' or whatever, but there's a very sizeable dollop of truth in it.

    You frequently light up this board and post interesting stuff. You quite often give me a chuckle. And you're extremely likeable. These are the traits that matter. And they'll stand out to the people you meet who will come to matter in your life. Don't worry if you get that feeling from time to time that everyone around you is 'doing better' in some regard. They might be going out doing exciting things that put smiles on their faces, or whatever. But I guarantee you that so much of what you see will be fleeting. The folks you know who are running around apparently being the life and soul of the party and falling in love every five minutes or whatever are probably going to reveal a pattern in their behaviour.

    When I was in my late 20s, most of the people I knew were buying their first homes, settling into relationships, maybe even having kids. Some of them even took delight in rubbing my face in their achievements. But that didn't mean a whole lot. Because the legacy some of them sowed for themselves equated long term to divorce, house repossession, and a whole lot of acrimony. The folks I knew who were out with a new girl or fella every other weekend continued to be seen out with a new girl or guy every weekend, after everyone else had (supposedly) settled down. Some are still doing that now. And some of them are MISERABLE.

    If ever I wanted some of what they had, that got trained out of me when I saw how badly it went wrong for them. All because they did certain things for the wrong reasons. A lot of the time, that was down to a misplaced idea that, by X point in their lives, they had to have achieved a certain life goal. Some of them had grandparents who nagged and nagged them to be out of their parents' houses by a certain age. I knew one guy whose parentswere so concerned about his inability to find a girlfriend that his mother actually bought him a horrible top shelf magazine and left it on the coffee table for him with a note saying 'this is what you're missing out on, son' - UGH! Way to send a really unhealthy message there!

    My point here is that it's not worth dwelling too much on what other people have got that you would like in your own life. At 19, you've still got a LOT of room to grow as a person. Don't worry about things happening too fast, or too slow, or ever at all. Life can be surprising in that department. We tend to get weird ideas about our personal progress, I think. I mean, when I was 25, 'progress' meant getting a date or finding a job and hoping those things would turn into long term things. But now that I'm about to swerve into my fifth decade, I ACTUALLY think progress was learning when to say 'no, screw you lot, THIS is what I think, this is what I want to do, and I'm sticking to it, ' as well as developing a healthy attitude of simply giving zero f*cks.

    Chin up. You're alright, you are.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2017
    st_owly, IncendiaryLemon and Neil.T like this.
  12. HdE

    HdE Comic Book Guy

    Also gonna say this:

    Really sorry to hear your life took you down that route, Serpantino. Just keep swimming.
  13. serpantino

    serpantino Straw Hat Pirate

    It's fine, it happens. I don't really talk about it nowadays but it makes for a good cautionary tale and (hopefully) shows that what I said earlier about relationships wasn't just to be a dick.

    In other news I also think our resident lemon is awesome and was shocked to see he was so young!
  14. Neil.T

    Neil.T Hunter

    You tell 'im, @HdE! If we gang up on @IncendiaryLemon like this, he'll have no choice but to listen to our sound reasoning. :D

    Thanks yet again for offering some interesting perspective on things, @Rui. I still believe, deep down, that this is where I am ultimately headed. I feel like I'm pretty emotionally brittle by this stage and everything is easily derailed. That stacks things very much against you from the start. I still find myself wanting to just stop caring about things. But I'm also stubborn! I'm determined to try to do something with this opportunity for improvement that I've been given.

    With my own example that I described in my initial post here, it was definitely a polite excuse. Bless her, she was really nice about it! I was lucky there. That wasn't the end of the story, though: it all got a bit bizarre and complicated beyond that. Maybe that's a story for another time, but it sort of taps into something in @serpantino's post. :confused:

    Ooh...? Who is this mystery lady you speak of, Vash? ;)

    Yep, [raises hand sheepishly] me neither. :oops:

    In other (brilliant) news, I won a competition prize yesterday! It's a copy of Metropolis on Blu-ray from a competition on UKA. The question was a tricky little one; quite easy to slip up on:

    Which legendary figure wrote the screenplay for Metropolis?

    A: Katsuhiro Otomo
    B: Duke Red
    C: Osamu Tezuka

    I feel like I'm on something of a roll just now! :D
    speedyspeck and serpantino like this.
  15. Neil.T

    Neil.T Hunter

    Double-post. :eek:

    Thanks once again go to Rui for these words of inspiration:
    Over the weekend, I bit the bullet and got back in touch with a longtime friend I haven't seen for about six years. (We've known each other since primary school.) We hadn't fallen out or anything; he'd repeatedly suggested the idea of meeting up again at some point before, but I'd always sort of declined out of concern that I wouldn't exactly be a barrel of laughs and made various excuses.

    We're planning to catch up soon and see Hollywood Ghost in the Shell. Turns out Hollywood is good for something after all! :D
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2017
  16. st_owly

    st_owly Guild Member

    Congrats on making up with your friend Rui.

    It's the anniversary of my spawning today. Had a pretty quiet day today what with it being a Monday, but my parents came to see me at the weekend and we went out for a meal.
    Rui, serpantino and Zin5ki like this.
  17. Gemsy-chan

    Gemsy-chan Combat Butler

    Happy spawning day
    st_owly likes this.
  18. Zin5ki

    Zin5ki Railgun

    Congratulations on the number of rotations of our planet since your spawning temporarily being an integer!
    st_owly likes this.
  19. NormanicGrav

    NormanicGrav The Eagle-Eyed Member Moderator

    Boy, I never thought I would feel like **** after having to tackle an assignment at the same time as tackling a bad cold. So the current situation: I had a mobile project alongside two others in my group that we wanted to get sorted in the best way possible because it's got the potential to earn a really good mark (i.e give us a 1st or possibly 80% mark on the module as a whole). One of us stayed behind and pulled an all-nighter to get some tough parts done as I had to face this cold (and thus would need sleep otherwise) and the other can't tackle a proper sleeping pattern if he stayed up late. The end result of the mobile game was great and we all liked how it turned out, however... as a result, this affected our presentation part that we needed to do. Most of us were drained; my cold got worse and my friend who stayed up all night had no sleep for probably 26 hours at that point. Even worse the presentation lesson started at 1pm and we didn't even get to do ours until 4:30pm, and that's not the worst part of all - the game suffered a frame rate issue (which oddly enough only occurred on non-Uni PCs) so our group was the only one who had a failed example to show. The only positive light we had was that our group finished within the time limit and our teacher admitted we tackled a pretty tough coding program compared to others. Marmalade SDK is harder than Unity in some aspects, and honestly it's pretty simple once you figure it out but there's barely any examples for the engine to help us and testing it through phones is a pain at times.

    The project as a whole has gone through such a train-wreck schedule; the same person I mentioned who pulled an all-nighter is also tackling a bad infection that literally could have killed him last semester (it's not the common disease Universities are warning people about, it's apparently multiple colds in one or something like that). Anyway he got better and was able to make some progress that had to be done because I'm not the best programmer out there, I mainly tackled the user interface menus because the concept was pretty simple once you figure it all out. The third person in our team doesn't have coding knowledge of C++ since he took a web course but we made sure he sticks around when we need him (he was able to sort out designs and testing so it's balanced). This project ideally needed a minimum of 4 people but it's impressive that for the most part it ended up being pretty much a 2 man team (because the third person as I said doesn't know much).

    Overall I would say it's not the end of the world, but it just disappoints me how our game just ended up this way compared to everyone elses. I've already gotten 65% in the group presentation in the first semester, worth 20% of the module; and in the 80% mobile project I've already managed to get 30/30 marks of the scrum meeting marks (worth 30% of the 80% mobile project) and around 7/10 for the December presentation (worth 10% of 80%); the rest is 60% of the 80% if that makes sense. Basically I've already passed the module, I'm just hoping to get at least 72% or more to counter the 48% overall mark I received for the DirectX11 module (which by the way was pretty damn hard, was hoping to try and get a higher 2.2 but oh well). My Project Management module is going pretty good, I've passed that module and should be able to tackle a 2.1 overall if I can get a good mark on the essay. PS4 project is going alright, our team has been caught up with various assignments going on but the deadline is due for May.

    Anywho my cold is progressing alright, I am still alive obviously and was basically this for a bit (I was even wearing the Emil T-Shirt as well):


    I'll be returning back home tomorrow for the Easter break but I still need to tackle a 6-7 page essay about the Games Industry due Monday afternoon plus the Final Year Project essay due at the end of the month. I have no exams oddly enough.

    Feels odd to finish University soon.
    st_owly likes this.
  20. Neil.T

    Neil.T Hunter

    Wow, I'm in.

    I acted on an interesting suggestion from a work colleague and signed myself up for a six-week spring/summer Japanese language course. Much to my surprise, I already know enough to need to start at level 2.

    I feel like I've enjoyed about four years' worth of progress within the last four weeks since pulling the proverbial cork out of the bottle with a post in this thread.

    @NormanicGrav: Hang in there, Grav! :)