First of all, thank you for taking the time to write such a long post! I honestly appreciate people taking time out of their day to try and help me out a bit, same to you @Neil.T. It is pretty reassuring to know that people who have been in a similar position to me have found their way out of it. Perhaps I am a little too harsh on myself sometimes, but I've been that way for as long as I can remember, and I've never had much in the way of self esteem or self confidence, so perhaps a good way to make a change would just be to perhaps not be so overtly and inwardly negative all the time, as you say. Contrasting this post to the ones from @Neil.T kinda made me realise that it can go either way really, and like you mention, the world is constantly shifting around us, and it's impossible to predict anything. Even if all hope may seem lost at the moment, there is 0 guarantee it will stay like that.