Relationships and Romance

IncendiaryLemon said:
I think any sane, moral person would think that trying to lure someone in a relationship into an affair to selfishly satisfy their own lust and then try to act as if it's all the other person's fault and nothing to do with you is an awful, awful thing to do.
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I would agree with @Watanabe Ken That the moral of the whole thing is subjective, it depends on what they would want, but my own morals do guide me to think it would have been an awful idea. I don't like seeing relationships turn into a mess because people wanted to be selfish and think of nothing beyond themselves, vash should have been forward a lot sooner, but without knowing how long she's had a boyfriend I can just say it would have been better for him to know sooner rather than later. Watanabe, as level headed as thinking for the self is, you can avoid a whole lot of **** you don't want to deal with if you don't do stuff like cheat. There are people in the relationship who are cared for who would get hurt in a situation like that
 
Hi, this thread is now about its original purpose and not the weird naïve fantasies of misogynistic movie-style dating that people seem to have accidentally mixed up with reality somewhere along the way. PMs to certain individuals are on the way!

R
 
Joshawott said:
perhaps best to not take relationship advice from someone who thinks you should act more like a person who has been charged with rape and sex abuse
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I haven't been keeping up, I do believe that he's done some horrendous things but has he been solidly charged now? I don't like pointing fingers without an actual crime there...
 
Captaaainuniverse said:
I haven't been keeping up, I do believe that he's done some horrendous things but has he been solidly charged now? I don't like pointing fingers without an actual crime there...
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I'm pretty sure he has, but even if not, that's kind of besides the point. Even if the accusations were false, he was saying you should act like the way he acted allegedly, and that is genuinely disturbing.
 
In the interests of wanting to bring a bit of subject-related, light-hearted cheer back to this thread, Queen Elizabeth I did claim that she was "married to England" so that she could keep the throne all to herself...

Yeah I don't think she would have been good at giving relationship advice either...

And then there was her father, King Henry VIII...well, we all know where that went? :rolleyes:

Moral of story: Let's not take any dating/relationship advice from historical figures! XD

Peace :)
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
In the interests of wanting to bring a bit of subject-related, light-hearted cheer back to this thread, Queen Elizabeth I did claim that she was "married to England" so that she could keep the throne all to herself...

Yeah I don't think she would have been good at giving relationship advice either...

And then there was her father, King Henry VIII...well, we all know where that went? :rolleyes:

Moral of story: Let's not take any dating/relationship advice from historical figures! XD

Peace :)
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Well, despite the thought of how truly evil they are, Hitler and Eva Braun. That relationship didn't fall apart, no matter how many death camps there were. She'd be more tolerant than me of course, I'd leave once I heard of the first death camp
 
In the interests of keeping this thread alive because there have been some pretty poignant thoughts anad opinions that have been expressed throughout, but also just because I fancy kick-starting something topical out of curiosity, I was wondering what people's opinions are regarding marriage/weddings?

I did express my opinons a short while ago in the general thread, so here goes:

I'm not 100% sure about marriage itself; I've always been on the fence about it, but I definitely don't like the idea of traditional marriage ceremonies, largely because I feel it's an archaic and outdated institution and I just don't believe in it - It doesn't marry (oops) up with my own principles and beliefs. For instance, I don't like the idea that the bride is "given away" like some sort of raffle prize, or that she has to "honour and obey". In addition, I really don't like ceremonies - I hate fuss and being the centre of attention, so the idea that the focus is on the bride and her "big day" really isn't something I like the idea of. Also, everything that ties in with weddings doesn't suit me - the hen/stag do's, the reception where Aunty Sue gets rat a***d and Uncle Dave can't dance...nah, not for me! I'm not a hugely family oriented person anyway, and when you read/hear stories about family feuds and in-laws from hell, I just think, is it really worth it? 😅

For me personally, the ceremony should reflect the people invovled, and should be an extension of their qualities and personalities. Hypothetically, if I was going to tie the knot, I'd want to do exactly that. The idea of hand-fasting really sounds like a beautiful and symbolic way of showing your unity as a couple, and it's just a sweet and simple ceremony. Plus, I believe it's pagan/Celtic in it's origin, which I really love. The only snag is that it's not recognised as a marriage by law in all parts of the UK (I think it is in Scotland so long as it's officiated by someone...official 😅 ), so as far as I know right now, it's just like an "add-on" to the actual "legally bit". Otherwise a simple register office wedding is something I would consider, because to me, it's not about the ceremony itself, it's the meaning of it - the fact that you're uniting and showing your love for someone. Regarding the vows, I actually came across some really beautiful Celtic ones one day, which actually focused on "a marriage of equals" - this I can get on board with! I'm not "above or below" my partner, nor him above or below me - we're a team, a partnership!

I mean, I think the reasons these days for marriage have changed and become somewhat outdated - many people would marry, then have kids, or if they had kids first, marriage was then seen as the next logical step, because it was such a scandalous thing to have kids outside of wedlock. But nowadays, it's not really frowned upon, and of course many women back in the day would have married for security - again, this is fast becoming less common since many women are content on their own and pursuing careers and their own lives.

I hope it's okay to discuss this in this thread? To the staff, please let me know if there's any problems :) Would be interesting to hear views from other's who are/have been/are thinking of marriage ^^
 
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To keep this fairly concise; marriage itself I don’t much see the point in mainly for reasons coming back to “if i want to be with someone then I’ll be with them, I don’t need or want anyone else’s permission”. I agree with @~AyaMachi~ that the majority of the wedding is outdated and also appreciate the idea of the hands being tied, it’s something I feel sad that has pretty much been left by the wayside. With all this being said; I’m not wholly against marriage. I can see it could be benefitial to show your commitment to someone however I’d personally rather show said commitment by staying with someone and treating them right, that in my opinion says more about people and their relationship than marriage does.
 
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Phobos said:
To keep this fairly concise; marriage itself I don’t much see the point in mainly for reasons coming back to “if i want to be with someone then I’ll be with them, I don’t need or want anyone else’s permission”. I agree with @~AyaMachi~ that the majority of the wedding is outdated and also appreciate the idea of the hands being tied, it’s something I feel sad that has pretty much been left by the wayside. With all this being said; I’m not wholly against marriage. I can see it could be benefits MaL to show your commitment to someone however I’d personally rather show said commitment by staying with someone and treating them right, that in my opinion says more about people and their relationship than marriage does.
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Well said :)

This is pretty much why I've been so on the fence about it - to me, just "being" with someone is enough without it having to be seen as legal in the eyes of the law. But then, the right person could potentially sway it, if it was something we both felt was "right". I'd never want to be forced into it, and likewise, I'd never force the other, and I'm lucky in that I also don't have pressures from family to "go the traditional route" - they're happy so long as I'm happy. Likewise with having kids - it's not something I want, and my family aren't bothered about that.
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
In the interests of keeping this thread alive because there have been some pretty poignant thoughts anad opinions that have been expressed throughout, but also just because I fancy kick-starting something topical out of curiosity, I was wondering what people's opinions are regarding marriage/weddings?

I did express my opinons a short while ago in the general thread, so here goes:

I'm not 100% sure about marriage itself; I've always been on the fence about it, but I definitely don't like the idea of traditional marriage ceremonies, largely because I feel it's an archaic and outdated institution and I just don't believe in it - It doesn't marry (oops) up with my own principles and beliefs. For instance, I don't like the idea that the bride is "given away" like some sort of raffle prize, or that she has to "honour and obey". In addition, I really don't like ceremonies - I hate fuss and being the centre of attention, so the idea that the focus is on the bride and her "big day" really isn't something I like the idea of. Also, everything that ties in with weddings doesn't suit me - the hen/stag does, the reception where Aunty Sue gets rat a***d and Uncle Dave can't dance...nah, not for me! I'm not a hugely family oriented person anyway, and when you read/hear stories about family feuds and in-laws from hell, I just think, is it really worth it? 😅

For me personally, the ceremony should reflect the people invovled, and should be an extension of their qualities and personalities. Hypothetically, if I was going to tie the knot, I'd want to do exactly that. The idea of hand-fasting really sounds like a beautiful and symbolic way of showing your unity as a couple, and it's just a sweet and simple ceremony. Plus, I believe it's pagan/Celtic in it's origin, which I really love. The only snag is that it's not recognised as a marriage by law in all parts of the UK (I think it is in Scotland so long as it's officiated by someone...official 😅 ), so as far as I know right now, it's just like an "add-on" to the actual "legally bit". Otherwise a simple register office wedding is something I would consider, because to me, it's not about the ceremony itself, it's the meaning of it - the fact that you're uniting and showing your love for someone. Regarding the vows, I actually came across some really beautiful Celtic ones one day, which actually focused on "a marriage of equals" - this I can get on board with! I'm not "above or below" my partner, nor him above or below me - we're a team, a partnership!

I mean, I think the reasons these days for marriage have changed and become somewhat outdated - many people would marry, then have kids, or if they had kids first, marriage was then seen as the next logical step, because it was such a scandalous thing to have kids outside of wedlock. But nowadays, it's not really frowned upon, and of course many women back in the day would have married for security - again, this is fast becoming less common since many women are content on their own and pursuing careers and their own lives.

I hope it's okay to discuss this in this thread? To the staff, please let me know if there's any problems :) Would be interesting to hear views from other's who are/have been/are thinking of marriage ^^
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I think It's absolutely fine to cover marriage here, but I wouldn't say I'm 180 on your sentiment but I am far more traditional and I disagree, I was the best man at my brother's wedding and I remember it like it was yesterday, and I've seen where marriages, strong marriages can go in both my own father and my brother. "giving away" was about property like, hundreds of years ago, possibly as far back as the slave trade, and was seen as beneficial to famalies with business as it would be like the family businesses work together, since then however it's been more like introducing the bride to the family, as traditionally they would take the husband's name (my sister in law did) but it's still up to the couple in terms of name, stag/hen dos are about the couple's last day of "freedom" before they are sworn to each other, me and the brother I live with did mention it before our brother was married, but honestly we weren't bothered not having one, we weren't with our brother that long, pretty much long enough to celebrate the wedding and that's it.

you could just get the "paper marriage" and just have it in a registry office, just signing your names on a marriage form, but you could also get divorced the same way, a "traditional" and celebrated marriage shows your partner, your family and your friends that you're willing to commit to something, and well I guess the celtic hand joining could do that, as it was a ceremony, did we have that in wales though? I'm just wondering what we used to have.
the "giving away" as if the wife becomes the husband's property, I grew up not seeing that and I've been best man to a marriage that mirrored that to, my father couldn't be more dedicated to my late mother, my brother couldn't be more dedicated to my in law, what they've been through does involve a lot of love, but I feel the wives in those relationships were in control and almost pampered to, dad and my brother seemed to have short leashes, but it's not like they've wanted to disobey their wives.

and I feel kids born out of wedlock are still frowned upon - my in law was heavily pregnant when my brother got married, but I think it isn't brought up to be scorned as much because people don't bother to get married, they don't bother to make a family unit, when I used to go out in town, I did get a chance to see a guy my brother knew in school who ended up paying for 2 different kids by 2 different girls, people just don't bother with a traditional family unit anymore, and, it's a bit off subject, but I was watching a few videos before that suggest we, in the UK and the EU, are below replacement rates for our own native population, the only ones truly bothered by a family unit are the immigrants who are doing a much better job at replacing population and often have gotten married.

personally, although I think I might want a traditional wedding I haven't thought that much about it, I haven't been in any kind of relationship where I thought I wanted that commitment and without too much "I'm lonely" baggage as time goes on I feel I won't find anyone who I would form that kind of commitment with
 
Personally, I loved being married. I was with my ex for 3 years before we got married and to be honest nothing changed in our relationship, it just felt we were more committed. Things started to go wrong with us after our daughter came along. I didn't want kids but she did. And seeing how much she wanted a baby made me change my mind. I have no regrets, having my daughter is without doubt the best thing I've ever done. I just really like the idea of being married but I guess I'm old fashioned. The ex left me 3 years ago but i still wear the ring like a numpty. Maybe that'll change when we get divorced.
 
Patient-X said:
Personally, I loved being married. I was with my ex for 3 years before we got married and to be honest nothing changed in our relationship, it just felt we were more committed. Things started to go wrong with us after our daughter came along. I didn't want kids but she did. And seeing how much she wanted a baby made me change my mind. I have no regrets, having my daughter is without doubt the best thing I've ever done. I just really like the idea of being married but I guess I'm old fashioned. The ex left me 3 years ago but i still wear the ring like a numpty. Maybe that'll change when we get divorced.
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my mighty heart breaks at this! I can't say from experience but from the way my brother acts the kids seem to be the best thing the parents have ever done
 
Captaaainuniverse said:
my mighty heart breaks at this! I can't say from experience but from the way my brother acts the kids seem to be the best thing the parents have ever done
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There's no way to describe what it's like to have children. The only way to find out is to experience it yourself. When she was born a mate sent me a message "welcome to hardest but greatest club in the world", and boy was he right.
 
Patient-X said:
nothing changed in our relationship, it just felt we were more committed
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This really resonates with me. I really think that if you're with the right person, the dynamic that you've built throughout your relationship doesn't shift, you just become more committed in the eyes of each other (and the eyes of the law). But, to have some one who is your best friend, your partner in crime, that's something I personally would need to have. To me, I can't have a meaningful relationship without a meaningful friendship. The longest relationship I had broke down in part because of that - there was no foundation of friendship; we were just...existing and thinking that all was well just because we looked at each other lovingly and had sex, but, it soon became apparent that it just...wasn't working. I couldn't open up to this man, about anything. We just ended up arguing. At the time I was depressed as well, which didn't help, but he seemed to struggle to understand me. He was very...insecure in himself I think as well, but not only that, I just couldn't gel with his family. Now don't get me wrong, they were lovely people, but they were...almost "too" lovely? I remember sitting with them all once and I looked around at them, and I was thinking, "wow, you people have never had a disagreement about anything, ever, have you?". That kind of meekness and "utopian" family unit didn't sit well with me, it was unsettling!
 
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Adam-M said:
Its took five minutes of me reading that line to figure out that you meant beneficial o_O
Or did you?
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Sorry. It’s fixed now.

As it got touched on I feel I should share my thoughts, bastards definitely (where I am, it could be different in different parts) definitely aren’t frowned upon or a source of shame. I’m one, it’s not like I go flaunting it in peoples faces, just as I wouldn’t if I was born in wedlock, but nothing changes if things like this come up in conversation. Hell I went to a Roman Catholic primary school, pretty sure if it was going to be an issue anywhere it’d be there but no definitely wasn’t frowned upon there.
 
Phobos said:
Sorry. It’s fixed now.

As it got touched on I feel I should share my thoughts, bastards definitely (where I am, it could be different in different parts) definitely aren’t frowned upon or a source of shame. I’m one, it’s not like I go flaunting it in peoples faces, just as I wouldn’t if I was born in wedlock, but nothing changes if things like this come up in conversation. Hell I went to a Roman Catholic primary school, pretty sure if it was going to be an issue anywhere it’d be there but no definitely wasn’t frowned upon there.
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This is the thing, it's never been something I've had an issue with. I've often wondered why some people make such a big deal out of it. I think it's generally older people? Some can seem hell bent on making sure that "if you're pregnant you'd better get married, I'll not have that child born out of wedlock". I've just...never seen it as a big deal because I genuinely don't see what the repercussions are from it; it's certainly not detrimental to the child!
 
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