What is love? (split from the AF17 thread)

What is love? (baby don't hurt me..)

Continuation of the topic that spiralled out of AF17's thread.

ayase said:
To quote the great Mae West: "Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love - that's not so bad either."

Sex is as deep as you want it to be*. It can be a special, emotional thing or it can just be fun. I think presuming it has to be a special thing every time is putting a lot of pressure on yourself and your partner(s). Personally, I'm happy to take what I can get (which probably makes it worse that that's not a lot). I think if you have managed to stay friends with former lovers then you've been very lucky Sparrow. I don't think that's most people's experience.



*Not an intentional double-entendre... But I like it.
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Ah I can see there's been some misunderstanding, I didn't mean every single instance of sex should be like some kind of ritual (though it kind of is in a way :p) but...

vashdaman said:
Yeah, I didn't mean everytime you sex it should be special, as of course it can just be pure kinky fun and nothing more. I meant more that I myself personally am just more careful about who I have sex with, as I personally do think it does connect the energies (and maybe spirit) of the people together for a period, and I only want to connect like that with someone I know and I think is right. I'm not saying if you wake up tomorrow in bed with someone after a alcohol induced romp you should start worrying (actually that depends...), but I think it is something we should try and be mindful of.
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...this. It's more about the "who" than the "what/when/where." I have to feel connected to someone to make that leap. I feel like if I slept around I'd be letting myself down. Not that I'm against sleeping around on principle, it's just not for me.

@Ayase again: I know, I've been very lucky in that regard. But then I've not had enough relationships to have any bad break ups really :p

Tachi said:
As for sex, foreplay can be the bane of mens lives but its worth it in the long run if you know what i mean haha
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I don't really have an issue with it =3
 
Working my split/merge buttons hard today!

There is a bug in the forum with apostrophes in thread titles, so once you have had your wicked fun with the topic title give me a yell if you need a hand changing it (assuming the slash bugs anyone else as much as it bugs me!).

Anyway, back to the juicy love and relationship discussion!

R
 
I feel like if I slept around I'd be letting myself down. Not that I'm against sleeping around on principle, it's just not for me.
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I understand what you mean. Back in my uni days I felt presured by the group of friends I was with to do this. I had some positive times, but for the most part it made me feel miserable. It felt like if you were even slightly interested in a guy you should sleep with him, if you didn't it meant you were some sort of prude. The guys just expected you to do it to.

I feel much better in a relationship. I enjoy it more If I actually trust the person and don't have to be drunk to get up the courage first.
 
Love has become too individualistic and commercialised.

Also with romantic love people have given too a high status to it where people think it's going to solve all their problems and is the only thing that makes life worth living.
 
I love how you guys get enough offers that you feel able to turn some down.

@Ayase again: I know, I've been very lucky in that regard. But then I've not had enough relationships to have any bad break ups really :p
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You can count mine on the fingers of one hand, and that clearly wasn't enough for me to have had any *good* ones. I didn't used to believe in luck, but all these goddamn happy people... where's my nuke button?
 
ayase said:
You can count mine on the fingers of one hand, and that clearly wasn't enough for me to have had any *good* ones. I didn't used to believe in luck, but all these goddamn happy people... where's my nuke button?
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Look at it this way, you've had fewer failed relationships than most people. People who have had many relationships have therefore had many failed relationships, as surely once one of them works, you stop having new ones?
 
steps sum love up for me

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Corra said:
I understand what you mean. Back in my uni days I felt presured by the group of friends I was with to do this. I had some positive times, but for the most part it made me feel miserable. It felt like if you were even slightly interested in a guy you should sleep with him, if you didn't it meant you were some sort of prude. The guys just expected you to do it to.

I feel much better in a relationship. I enjoy it more If I actually trust the person and don't have to be drunk to get up the courage first.
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Mmm, my friends never pressured me into anything, I grew up with a good crowd =) I also didn't throw myself into it once I was in a relationship either, I waited until the relationship was more settled.

Ark said:
Love has become too individualistic and commercialised.

Also with romantic love people have given too a high status to it where people think it's going to solve all their problems and is the only thing that makes life worth living.
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"individualistic" AND "commercial"? Please to exPLAIN it (gla-havin).

I don't think it's given too high a status, I think all kinds of love make life worth living, platonic, romantic or familial. Not to mention plenty of other things. I understand the point you're making in a way though, there are some who feel all their issues are down to them not having found someone and ironically it's these people who probably have the worst relationships I'd have thought.

ayase said:
I love how you guys get enough offers that you feel able to turn some down.

@Ayase again: I know, I've been very lucky in that regard. But then I've not had enough relationships to have any bad break ups really :p
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it's like you don't know me at all =P I get no offers and never have lol, I'm just saying I'm personally against it from a moral standpoint and it would be bad for me in the long run, doesn't mean I don't want it from a physical perspective. In fact I'm rather desperate :p.

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You can count mine on the fingers of one hand, and that clearly wasn't enough for me to have had any *good* ones. I didn't used to believe in luck, but all these goddamn happy people... where's my nuke button?
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Well you can count mine on a single finger =P, the other was 'just' a very painful rejection. So really you can say I've only come out of one relationship and stayed friends, so no need to go dropping any nukes yet. But the other could've very easily just ended our friendship since we didn't know each other all that well, but we probably know each other better now than we ever did before she rejected me so...there ya go.
 
Its good that you guys have had friends that don't egg you/peer pressure you into doing things your not ready for or don't want to do.

Unfortunately for my friends, I am the one who's like that. 3 of em are still virgins and i make a point of stating that they should catch up with the rest.

one is a closet gay
The other is small and most people refer to him as just "cute"
The other is a babyface stick insect with high expectations that his first will be a super model.

All are 20, being a virgin at this age is like seeing a real life unicorn; extremely rare and weird when it actually comes to mind.

I make suggestions to help them deal with their fears of talking to women, having no real problem being able to talk to either sex and a bedrock of confidence i've helped steer them towards being able to atleast talk to the girls they like but they never go grab life by the short and curlies and just ask them "want to go for something to eat/drink sometime?" :( i do believe everyone has someone somewhere out there for them, its just a case of patience and staying on the look out. So some of you with only a handful of relationships; its more than some so don't look to negatively about it.

I think the best thing to take into account with women is that "patience is a virtue" and relationships are hit and miss, never go on looks alone and at the other end of the spectrum; never go for personality alone because you could end up with someone really nice but the face of roadkill.

coming upto 2 ana half years i'm pleased with how my love life is :)
 
Tachi said:
All are 20, being a virgin at this age is like seeing a real life unicorn; extremely rare and weird when it actually comes to mind.
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I strongly disagree. That's just how the media makes it seem. There are loads of people out there who are still virgins, it's just they don't tend to brag about it. Personally I find it much cooler for a person to take their time than if they fold to peer pressure and rush.

I make suggestions to help them deal with their fears of talking to women, having no real problem being able to talk to either sex and a bedrock of confidence i've helped steer them towards being able to atleast talk to the girls they like
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Even the gay one? o_O

R
 
Yeah but the way i see it, i didn't fall to peer pressure, i went for a long lasting relationship and made sure that nothing happened till we where both ready for it.

But my friends lack alot of confidence, the closet gay one we are all sure is gay, but he still covers it up and says he likes girls. ( all his guy friends in uni went out drinking.... he stayed in and baked cookies with their gf's, they know he's a closet gay too and hence why they make obvious hurtful statements about him, atleast im not a jerk about it to him)

Anyway, learning to talk to people you like no matter the gender its a transferrable skill really. The other two (leo) the stick insect babyface and (ali) the cute little one both just shy's away from anyone female, nearly 10 years of it so there's little more i can do for them so i turn to my other methods with these two - just blatantly walk up to girls and talk to them, introduce them to each other and then stick about for abit then wander off, so far this has lead to leo almost getting a gf (he became ultra shy when i wasn't about)

:/
 
As for sex, foreplay can be the bane of mens lives but its worth it in the long run if you know what i mean haha
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You have to learn to get into your foreplay brother, if your not enjoying it then your doing it wrong.

Love has become too individualistic and commercialised.

Also with romantic love people have given too a high status to it where people think it's going to solve all their problems and is the only thing that makes life worth living.
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Yeah I have to agree with this to an extent. In the west we are literally brainwashed from infancy into believing that romantic love is the ultimate goal in life. In actual fact I would say its probably has far too much importance placed on it. What I think is a far,far greater achievement is being able to love every single being on this planet (yes including all the nut jobs, murderers and people who wronged you) as if they were all your mother or another close family member, anyone who has achieved this would be a saint.

As I mentioned earlier certain prominent people who have walked the spiritual path consider romantic love as nothing more then fantasy distracting one from reaching liberation. I don't actually agree with this personally, as I believe certain people simply do need to experience romantic love in this life, and I also believe that romantic love with the right person can also help to aid ones spiritual development. However I am someone who has been raised in western society and it would be very difficult for me to deny that the emphasis our culture places on idealistic romantic love hasn't had a huge effect on me still to this day. But I just have to accept I'm never going to be a monk and romantic love is simply something I feel the need to fully experience is this life.

a bedrock of confidence
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lol, I love it.

All are 20, being a virgin at this age is like seeing a real life unicorn
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No, I have to agree with Rui here, its not all that uncommon at all. I have a friend who is in his early 20's and is still a virgin. He actually gets huge amounts of female attention and is generally very confident and great at talking with the oppposite sex, he just hasn't felt comfortable enough to have sex yet and thats his decision. I wouldn't suggest pressuring your friends to hurry up Tachi, just let them decide when they're ready.
 
To me its a weird concept that leo goes through though, he's truly holding to the 40 year old virgin quote "putting the P***y ona pedistal" And hoping that he'll wake up one morning and a girl will just ask him out, he doesn't make any moves, he makes alot of noise though "oh she's so gorgeous" but then never goes to say hi.

As for foreplay, its one of those things. Yeah its nice and everything but for me serves little purpose as there's only so much you can get from a handjob lol I'd prefer the real MCcoy if you know what i mean.
 
Tachi said:
.
As for foreplay, its one of those things. Yeah its nice and everything but for me serves little purpose as there's only so much you can get from a handjob lol I'd prefer the real MCcoy if you know what i mean.
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Too much info! I wasn't even talking about that kind of foreplay looool.

But yeah lets just end this here....
 
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