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Erm, if I may raise (no pun intended) the issue of my recent lack of erections again. To the ladies on here, would you be greatly put off a guy you really really liked if you found he couldn't get it up the first few times you attempted to make love? Is it a fatal blow to a fledgling romance? I'm pretty sure this is just a phase because so many bad things have happened to me recently, and I went through a phase similar to this that lasted about a month a couple years back, due to similar reasons I think.

I don't have a fledgling love of course, quite the opposite, I'm heart broken, but am just curious. Sex is great and is important, but it's at the bottom of my list of things I find great about loving romantic relationships. And I could still do things to try to satisfy a lover sexually even without an erection, right. In fact, in my limited experience, erections weren't even the most efficacious way to bring about sexual climax in my former lover.

*sigh*
 
@Vashdaman - I think personally I'd be okay provided there was good communication on your side, i.e it's not because you don't find me attractive. I think in a situation like that there is a lot of room for assumptions and the partner might feel self conscious and worried it's something to do with her, but provided you talked it through I'm not sure it'd be off-putting.

Sex is pretty high on my list of things I like about a relationship, but I don't think it should make or break it either. If someone told me I could never have sex again it wouldn't end my current relationship as there are far more important things to it than that. Basically if you can't do without sex then the relationship was never strong enough to begin with, it shouldn't be relationship ending in my opinion.

What do people get in relationships for? It's for companionship and to share their life with someone else, ultimately. So many people don't even bother with sex until their married (although I guess that's less true now than it used to be?), that I think while it's a staple part of being together it's not something we shouldn't be unable to overlook for the right person.
 
Thanks for the reply! Yep that's pretty much how I feel about it, especially that last para. It's for the companionship and sharing of life together, that's what I care about. It's about loving and pampering and supporting. Furious bonking really is low on my list of priorities. That's not to say I don't think it's important though, I've always considered myself a pretty sexual person, and I'd be committed to fulfilling my partners sexual needs in any way I can, impotent or not.

*sigh*
 
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I swear, you'd think finding mutual connections and love would be the most natural and easiest thing in the world for humans to do. It turns out it's not the easiest thing. I feel like I've tried nigh on everything, in fact I've done very little else but try to find it. But what else can I do but just keep on trying? Finding someone to share life with is literally the only ambition I really have. I mean, I have other wilder dreams, like becoming a conceptual artist or a sociology professor, or something, but actually, they're not really real dreams, I don't actually give a fig about becoming a conceptual artist, it's just a dream I gave myself so that I could say something more impressive than "get married" when people ask me what my dream is.
Does this make me an unambitious person? Maybe, but back in the old days, this is what people did, they just wanted to get married and live a quiet life, maybe watch a bit of cricket and share a Toblerone on Sundays too. That's all I want, someone to make laugh with my failed wit, someone who will write me a love poem once or twice a year. If I have that, I'm good. Keep your aspirations, keep your erections too. I'd need them not, if I had my Toblerone sharing co defendant in life.

Find happiness within? I already tried that and already fluffed that, I'm a failed ascetic, I'm going out, but I don't know where to go. I might just have another lonely pint of Doombar in my local and cry just a little.

The girl who I confessed my love for via a text still hasn't replied and it's been a week. I'm getting a little nervous I'll never hear from her again. I mean, I've already reconciled with the fact she doesn't fancy me, I did before I even sent her the text, I knew she didn't feel the same way. But I'm worried I've scuppered our friendship. We really got quite close and really became fast friends over the last two months, I'd be hurt if I lost that too. But surely she'll hit me back right? Right? My text itself was pretty good, like suuuper non pressuring and light.

*sigh*
 
Vashdaman said:
I've already reconciled with the fact she doesn't fancy me, I did before I even sent her the text, I knew she didn't feel the same way.
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I'm really sorry it didn't work out for you, Vash. I really had my fingers crossed for you. :(

Also, regarding the (ahem) performance issues you were asking about before, I should imagine it's a psychological thing, as you suggested yourself:
Vashdaman said:
I'm pretty sure this is just a phase because so many bad things have happened to me recently, and I went through a phase similar to this that lasted about a month a couple years back, due to similar reasons I think.
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If you're feeling so emotionally distressed, it's no surprise that that's going to suffer, especially as you're left in such a state of uncertainty at the moment. (Not sure what the resident virgin [that's me] is chiming in with advice here for, but I try to offer what input I can.)

And, yeah, just to say:
Vashdaman said:
If I have that, I'm good. Keep your aspirations
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Heh. It's amazing how much we're on the same page with that outlook, buddy.

ayase said:
If someone told me I could never have sex again it would feel much like the rest of the last decade has.
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What a right bunch we are.

*sigh*
 
Vashdaman said:
Erm, if I may raise (no pun intended) the issue of my recent lack of erections again. To the ladies on here, would you be greatly put off a guy you really really liked if you found he couldn't get it up the first few times you attempted to make love? Is it a fatal blow to a fledgling romance? I'm pretty sure this is just a phase because so many bad things have happened to me recently, and I went through a phase similar to this that lasted about a month a couple years back, due to similar reasons I think

*sigh*
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are you on any meds? More specifically anti psychotics or strong anti depressants. Both can have impotency as a side effect. If you don't need it atm I wouldn't panic too much, the ole worm might surprise you when faced with a real situation. If you're in a relationship where it might be a factor you can always get viagra or some other such thing.
 
Speaking as a woman here, yes sex is awesome, but it's not my number 1 priority in a relationship. As @serpantino said, certain medications can have impotency as a side effect. Possible TMI
I have noticed a change since I started taking antidepressants a couple of months ago
And besides, there's lots of other ways to please a girl which don't involve sticking it in her if you get what I mean ;) If I was in bed with a guy and he couldn't get it up, I would much rather he be honest and say it's because he was nervous/overawed etc etc than bullshitting. Sex is fundamentally kinda gross when you think about it, and to be quite honest if anyone is horrible to you regarding your performance, then they're probably not the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with.
 
Well. My computer is fixed. Any you know what? It was a really dumb thing that I not only could have fixed weeks ago, but also I could've fixed for absolutely free. Took it into a PC repair place today, and he called me a couple of hours later in order to tell me that I had put in a cable backwards. That was literally it. I didn't even know it was possible, I thought that all PC cables only fit in a single way, but it turns out, I guess if you force it, it is totally possible for you to put the CPU 8 pin in back to front. Not only did I do that, I did it on 3 separate occasions, as I built and unbuilt it 3 times to try and find out what the error was. So, not only am I £40 in the hole on a motherboard I didn't even need, I'm also £30 down due to paying the guy to look at it, not to mention the £200 laptop I bought with CeX vouchers that could've been spent elsewhere. I'm not sure if I'm more or less mad than if he'd come back and told me I needed to spend hundreds on a repair, but suffice to say, I am pretty pissed with myself right now.
 
Sorry to lower the tone again but, you know, just thinking out loud.
Demelza said:
Sex is pretty high on my list of things I like about a relationship
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st_owly said:
Speaking as a woman here, yes sex is awesome
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I was mulling this over a bit (again, only as an outsider to it). Speaking as a straight guy, I totally get what the appeal would be from my side, but for her...?
st_owly said:
Sex is fundamentally kinda gross when you think about it
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It seems to me like guys get very much the better end of the deal. Surely? o_O
 
It's kinda hard to explain. It just feels nice BUT it has to be with the right person (for me anyway). If I'm not attracted to someone, it just doesn't work and then it's painful and boring and just feels like being poked inside and I just want it to be over. And like I said before, there's far more to sex than just sticking in in her ;) That doesn't mean women can't come, not in the slightest. Some women can come from vaginal stimulation alone; most can't. After all, we have an organ which solely exists for the purpose of pleasure (the clitoris).
 
Some of my funniest memories stem from intercourse.

It's nothing like pornography depicts though, or the movies for that matter and treating women the way they are in those is frequently a no go. In the real world women do get sore and not every position is comfortable for every woman. There's plenty of ways it can be painful for men too, especially if you snap your banjo string or you take a knee to the nads o_O.
 
Neil.T said:
I was mulling this over a bit (again, only as an outsider to it). Speaking as a straight guy, I totally get what the appeal would be from my side, but for her...?
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st_owly said:
we have an organ which solely exists for the purpose of pleasure (the clitoris).
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I feel like there's a Chef quote from South Park that would be appropriate here. I'm not sure how far we should go into adult territory, especially in my matter of fact and shameless way of speaking, but as long as people aren't too squeamish about sex and bodies the clitoris is basically a woman's equivalent of the glans of the penis (and the clitoral hood a foreskin) and similarly sensitive and able to be stimulated. Humans of both sexes still have the same basic parts, we start out the same after all, some parts just become different sizes and perform slightly different functions depending on if one of your sex chromosomes has a leg missing of not. That's also why female circumcision is such a horrible thing, because it's the equivalent of cutting the glans off a man's penis. Some people I'm sure find it a bit odd to look at things like that, but I find equivalence the simplest way to understand. I still think women were pretty screwed over with the whole periods thing though, I mean Jesus Christ, I can't even imagine the horror if I had to leak blood out of my penis every damn month. There's gotta be some genetic engineering we can do to help rectify that.
 
I would do quite a lot to never have a period again, let's put it that way. It makes me feel like **** once a month and the cramps can be so bad they leave me doubled over in pain.
 
ayase said:
I still think women were pretty screwed over with the whole periods thing though
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st_owly said:
I would do quite a lot to never have a period again, let's put it that way. It makes me feel like **** once a month and the cramps can be so bad they leave me doubled over in pain.
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Yeah, that's also exactly the kind of thing I mean. That just sounds so debilitating. :(

st_owly said:
It's kinda hard to explain. It just feels nice
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I remember a programme I saw on TV years ago where people talked about their first time. There was this one guy who said something that stayed with me. He described the female body as being like "the best fun fair: you want to have a go on everything!" :D

Correct me if I'm wrong, but women don't even get that from guys. Seriously, I'm at a loss to understand what women are supposed to see in us. We're useful for... carrying and lifting stuff, maybe? :confused:
 
Neil.T said:
:(

I remember a programme I saw on TV years ago where people talked about their first time. There was this one guy who said something that stayed with me. He described the female body as being like "the best fun fair: you want to have a go on everything!" :D

Correct me if I'm wrong, but women don't even get that from guys. Seriously, I'm at a loss to understand what women are supposed to see in us. We're useful for... carrying and lifting stuff, maybe? :confused:
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That's needlessly self depreciative. Relationships have input from both sides, that's how they work and sex is very enjoyable for both parties when you're both into it. A man's body is just as attractive to a woman but you can't see that because you're not wired to see it that way (whereas a gay man might be).

It also comes down to mutual respect and you can't have that if you're not assertive and you feel worthless, it'll just add friction (and not the good kind :p). Relationships are dynamic, you have to be strong sometimes and you have to be dominant, other times you have to be the opposite. If either of you settles into a permanent position of dominance then boredom will start to set in our the weaker party will start to begrudge the stronger.
 
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