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I saw this bloke ina disabled go-cart/chair thing old people have (mobility scooter or whatever)

And he was sat there shouting

"You athiests.....your liars, cheats, theifs and Blasphemers"

I couldn't help but walk past and say

"Yeah, that'll really get them on side won't it?"
 
Anyone got any short jokes? I'm talking really cheasy faceplam jokes like these:

A White Horse walked into a pub and the Landlord says, "Hey, did you know this pub was named after you?" To which the Horse replies "Eric?".

Also...

Why did the Baker's hands smell?
Because he needed a poo.

I love telling crap jokes too so lay them on me so I can arm myself.

edit: It was Tachi's comment that sprung up this post if you were wondering. :lol:
 
3 men walk into a bar.......Surely one of them saw it.

**Un PC joke**
a irishman, scottishman an englishman and a pakistani are in a plane...

The planes falling out of the sky and to land the plane safely the pilot tells the men to throw things they own too much of off the back of the plane.

the scottishman throws a crate of haggis
the irishman throws off a crate of Guinness
the pakistani throws off a crate of curry
and the englishman throws off the pakistani.

:lol: as i said....Un PC.....but you asked for it :p
 
skikes said:
i only know really sick and racist jokes... the kind that would get me banned lol

so ima stay outa this one lol
Click to expand...

Your not the only one there....i get jokes on a daily basis on my fone from my mate jess.....lets just say.....some aren't exactly PC and others are plane rude.

if i'm allowed...i'll post them up (only the rude ones)
 
:lol:
Heard them but still goodens.

I'm looking for more play on words/ terrible but funny jokes.

What kind of cheese can you hide a horse in?

Mascarpone.

:D
 
What the best thing about f*cking a...........?

You can flip her over and pretend its a ..........!

------

Whats the best thing about f*cking a......?

You don't have to pretend!


Can any1 fill in the blanks? sickest joke ive ever heard lol
 
Copypasta (but still a great joke)

Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy
"Paddy," says Murphy, "I've got a problem"
"What's the matter?" replies Paddy.
"Oi've bought a jigsaw and it's too hard, none of the pieces fit together, and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks Paddy
"It's of a tiger," Murphy replies.
Paddy says, "Alroight, Murphy, Oi'll come over and have a look."
He gets to Murphy's house and Murphy opens the door. "Oh thanks for coming Paddy"
He leads Paddy into the kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.
Paddy looks as the jigsaw, then turns to Murphy and says,
"For God's sake Murphy, put the Frosties back in the packet."
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Tachi- said:
Chaos.....if you had a promiscuous gay man on your back.

Would you leave him there or toss him off?
Click to expand...
*Looks behind and finds a banker*
I prefer the gay guy on my back.... =P

skikes said:
What the best thing about f*cking a...........?

You can flip her over and pretend its a ..........!

------

Whats the best thing about f*cking a......?

You don't have to pretend!

Can any1 fill in the blanks? sickest joke ive ever heard lol
Click to expand...
Sorry, can't fill the blanks.

##################################

The blond woman on an airplane trying to get some sleep, when this lawier besides her keeps on bothering her.
At one point the lawier says: "Let's play a game, I'll ask you a question and if you can't answer, you give me five quid and vice-versa". Blondie refuses and turn around to try and get some sleep.
The lawier turns to her and keep on insisting until he says: "Ok, if I don't know the answer I'll pay you 5000 quid, if you don't know the answer you pay me 5 quid."
As she noticed the guy wouldn't let her alone, she accepts and the lawier asks: "What's the distance between earth and the moon.". Blondie silently gets her wallet and hands him 5 quid.
She asks him: "What goes up the hill on 3 legs and down the hill on 5 legs?" - and she turns to sleep.
The lawier checks his laptop, google, call his friends and after an hour, he gives up and pays the blondie the 5k and asks her: "Ok, so what goes up the hill on 3 legs and down it on 5?". Blondie silently hands him 5 quid.
 
A family of four is driving behind an ann summers delivery lorry when a large dildo flies out of the truck and hits the families windscreen.

Trying not to look embarrassed the mother turned to her two kids in the back and said
"that was a big bug wasn't it?"

Her 7 year old son replied
"I'm not surpised it couldn't f*cking fly with a cock that big!"

LMAO i loved that joke chaos just posted.
 
Anyway peoples....i'm at a crossroads

1 spend the night on my own watching gremlins
2 watch gremlins with the gf
3 go out with the gf
4 go out with hazel for a few drinks.

:(

I'M OFF!

shall decide en route home :)
 
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