Otaku-san
Chuunibyou
Well can't blame the fellow for having taste, its nicely animated
Hmm needs more merchandising
Hmm needs more merchandising
The General Conversation Area
- Thread starter Tachi
- Start date
Vashdaman
Za Warudo
I swear I've encountered an untold amount of romantic rejection recently. I've had about 1 rejection of a coffee date proposal per week for past 6 weeks. On the one hand it's great that I've found so many beautiful girls to proposition, on the other hand it sucks that I can't even get a date let alone a girlfriend. But it's probably my fault, these girls are too beautiful and young for me. I mean, is it even ethical for a 27 year old to ask a 19 year old out on a date? About half of them have been about that age. One girl was so darn beautiful and from the same part of London as me I was sure I was in love, so sure that I actually got on stage and read a poem in front of a crowd for her. Needless to say it didn't work at all, and I haven't seen her since
It just sucks
It just sucks
Lutga
Mad Scientist
I always recommend people read the Dr. Nerdlove column on Kotaku, as it will completely re-centre any and all expectations you have about romance and I guess bring you to a place where you have a more grounded view of how things work in general - without being disillusioned by any bad habits or distorted ways of thinking - which I confess, had been dragging me down for a long, long time.
st_owly (witch)
Time-Traveller
Sorry to hear that man. I do think as a 19 year old girl I would've been a bit creeped out being hit on by a 27 year old though, so try not to take that bit too personally.
I was, several times by different guys
Otaku-san
Chuunibyou
They're pretty to look at, but that's about it. At that age most of them just prefer to have fun. Have you tried venturing into getting a Dutch wife?
Vashdaman
Za Warudo
Thanks, but that's just not going to run with me, I tried some self help course the other day because it was free and didn't even make it to lunch, it almost brought me to tears, I'm serious. Take me as I am. I ain't Ryan bloody Gossling.
Well that's kind of how I met maybe three of four of them, at poetry societies and fashion societies and stuff. Though it's hard to say how much we really have in common, probably not so much.
Nah you can't tar people with a brush like that. And I like to have fun too.
Otaku-san
Chuunibyou
Only if they're made of Teflon and well then they obviously don't see you as the same type of "fun"
Smeelia
Thousand Master
Maybe your choice of beverage is the problem, although I suppose you could always get that moment where the person says no and you think you've been rejected but then they offer an alternative beverage. I'm not a fan of coffee myself.
You could try asking people out for hot chocolate instead, at least it might be something different. Of course, you have to stay true to yourself and your beverage preferences.
You could try asking people out for hot chocolate instead, at least it might be something different. Of course, you have to stay true to yourself and your beverage preferences.
ayase
State Alchemist
I'm no Vash (I don't experience rejection mainly because I don't try any more) but that's always a slightly disheartening thing to hear. I mean that's less than a ten year age difference (which might be creepy if one of them was like, 12 or something but otherwise doesn't seem that big a deal at all).
Totally not digging at Vash here as you have to read these things as they happen but when I was 19 there is no way I would have been mature enough to handle the kind of relationship the average 27-year-old would want so I'd have been worried about it too. Someone I know married a teenager when he was in his late 20s and they were both perfectly fine with it but there are a lot of immature teens around (I was definitely one of them) who would be right to decline. Rather more creepily, another friend was moaning that girls nowadays were so easy that you had to go with someone young or settle for someone who wasn't a virgin (shock, horror). I set him straight for the good of the world.
(I also tend to auto-decline invitations for 'coffee' or 'drinks' because I'm not interested in either, so Smeelia's perspective is worth considering.)
R
Lutga
Mad Scientist
I've been totally turned off the whole concept of 'coffee' or 'drinks' as some kind of dating lubricant - mainly just because it seems to be the go-to line for men in the Metro's 'spotted on the tube' column, which freaks me the hell out - as if the nation's public transport is some kind of cattle market for blokes to eye up girls and expect them to come running with the simple offer of 'coffee' or 'drinks'.
I think the age gap thing has so many complexities to it - but from my experience it often boils down to two things - maturity and life priorities. Of course, these things might gel across an age gap (you might meet someone who's really got their **** together at a young age) - but the odds tend to be lower. At the end of the day, you want someone who really gels with you, and the more distance you create in terms of interests / age / etc, the longer and less likely the odds of things clicking easily become.
I think the age gap thing has so many complexities to it - but from my experience it often boils down to two things - maturity and life priorities. Of course, these things might gel across an age gap (you might meet someone who's really got their **** together at a young age) - but the odds tend to be lower. At the end of the day, you want someone who really gels with you, and the more distance you create in terms of interests / age / etc, the longer and less likely the odds of things clicking easily become.
serpantino
Thousand Master
There's 8 years (It's actually 7 years 364 days 
) difference between me and my lady. I met her when she was 17 but I thought she was a bit older otherwise I might have been put off. We got on so well and we never really spoke about age initially. We're still together 5 years later and things are still good so sometimes it does work out OK.
However be prepared to feel old when you recount a tale from your past or mention a film that doesn't seem that old to you and she tells you she was only X years old then. It never gets any less creepy!
) difference between me and my lady. I met her when she was 17 but I thought she was a bit older otherwise I might have been put off. We got on so well and we never really spoke about age initially. We're still together 5 years later and things are still good so sometimes it does work out OK.However be prepared to feel old when you recount a tale from your past or mention a film that doesn't seem that old to you and she tells you she was only X years old then
. It never gets any less creepy!
Jatz
Hunter
mention a film that doesn't seem that old to you and she tells you she was only X years old then
A great excuse to re-watch said film.
serpantino
Thousand Master
yeah she's actually old enough to watch them now lol and it's kinda cool to watch films that were such a big deal years ago with someone who hasn't seen them. I get to see if they still have the same kind of impact.A great excuse to re-watch said film.
(I cannot remove this smiley!)
ayase
State Alchemist
Laughable as the virginity comment is, you do tend to find that the older people get the more baggage they tend to bring with them in terms of connections to other people, long term friends, exes, kids, jobs etc. so the more reservations they have and the more preconditions a relationship with them comes with*. I seem to have done a good job of shedding baggage as I've gotten older instead. I'm not sure if it's a maturity thing or not, but looking at the average 27-year-old I don't think I want the kind of relationship the "average" 27-year-old wants, now or ever (and I suspect Vash, for all his hopeless romanticism, is somewhat similar).
Eh, not everyone's a sleaze, some people are just looking for ways to get to know someone better and see if they are compatible - How else are you supposed to do that unless you spend time with them, and preferably one-to-one since having other people around (especially existing friends) almost always makes people behave differently. And I don't think many are ready for the "Do you want to spend the next nine hours bearing your entire heart and soul to me and I'll do the same so we can cut all the 'dating' ******** and just see if we care about each other at the end of it?" line.
*But then this might be my problem since I've pretty much worked out my ideal partner is probably a war orphan with no living family and the skills and attitude to survive and prosper in a violent post-apocalyptic wasteland. Is this because I think that's what the future holds, or because that's what a relationship with me would be akin to? You decide!
NoSurprises
Straw Hat Pirate
Don't forget that they'd need to be a suitable bone marrow/blood type match!
serpantino
Thousand Master
Winter in the countryside= mice >_<. Came back yesterday to find a mouse running around trapped in the bottom of my bin. I took pity on it and set it free at the treeline in the hopes that it might not come back but I had one in the snap trap this evening that looked familiar.
Looks like I need to recheck the mass of potential entry points that are in this place courtesy of a typical housing association bodge job on the piping.
Looks like I need to recheck the mass of potential entry points that are in this place courtesy of a typical housing association bodge job on the piping.
I do think a lot of people have to go through a lot of shedding of preconceptions (that guy's originally-subconscious virginity fetish being one of them), expectations and tedious real-life entanglements before feeling free enough to just go out there and be themselves. Some people probably never get there. 19-year-old Rui would have been truly unbearable for anyone past that stage, though, and on some level I was aware of it and shied away from most relationships. I think more introverted people in general want rather different things to the rosy view of relationships presented by the media, and they tend to be very particular about requirements. It makes it more rewarding when it happens but the interim period is rough as heck. I'm rambling.
Sure, but in my case I don't like coffee shops (don't like the smell of coffee, and find it hard to hear the other person due to all of the babbling in the background) and pubs are even worse in both respects, so I'd rather go home and watch Crunchyroll. I know it's just a generic icebreaker but even though I'm quite comprehensively ugly I've still been on the receiving end enough to be comfortable turning it down to wait for someone to come along with a better offer, like a trip to Your Name or a FFXIV fan meet or something more interesting-sounding. I've turned non-romantic invites for coffee/drinks down too for the same reasons. My other half took me to a comic shop followed by an arcade so I could just shoot his face in and bond properly. Some people like the classics, I don't
R