Watanabe Ken
Magical Girl
Depends where you live really, if you're in a more populated area you might find you have better luck with the ladies
Relationships and Romance
- Thread starter VivisQueen
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Watanabe Ken
Magical Girl
If you've got the money and live in a big city you could try one of those dating agencies. They seem to do a good job for the Undateables.
I just... couldn't. My best friend tried to get me onto Match.com, but I just... couldn't. I agree with everything you wrote in your last post, you see. All of it.
I'd assumed there'd be some kind of membership fee or something for Match, but I think it might be free? Even with that, I just... can't.
Watanabe Ken
Magical Girl
I wouldn't bother Neil save your money for a Sex Robot.
Double-post!
I had a read over that. It was very interesting; I'd never heard of it before. Mind if I ask how you learnt its name?
Hah, ain't that the truth.
IncendiaryLemon
Captain Karen
Although it may be true that we can't really help each other, I often find the opposite to be true also, where people who have had experience can't help either. At least the people I've spoken to, they don't understand stuff like social anxiety or low self esteem. It's just all "be more confident", "stop putting yourself down" "get yourself out there", when really it isn't quite as easy as they make it out to be.
ayase
State Alchemist
Sharing experiences is an important part of understanding each other, I think that's a fine thing to do. But there's a difference between trying to understand yourself and others and thinking you have the answers for others or trying to tell them what to do. The latter I find is unhelpful even if it comes from a place of caring.
serpantino
Thousand Master
They are kinda similar, just one is hot and one is cold
. Women are much the same young grasshopper. Honestly though I don't think it's possible to really give advice when it comes to hooking a significant (or casual) other because when you're single and depressed/desperate it all seems so impossible and despite what people's advice might suggest, there's no magical key that works for all men or women worldwide. Ultimately there's only 2 real choices, keep trying or give up. Either way you have to learn to be comfortable settling into it.
The only piece of sage advice I ever really give is that a relationship isn't a cure all. My younger self was stupid enough to think that my life would be all better once I found someone. The cold truth is, it doesn't! Your neurosis will not disappear magically and, in many cases, lack of experience being close to someone else and trying to read their minds, wants & needs only serves to make it worse.
IncendiaryLemon
Captain Karen
I dunno, I always thought, at least in my personal experience, the low self-esteem was always hand in hand with my lacklustre love life. My main issues are low self esteem and self worth, so if I actually found a girl who could love me and care about me, I assumed that'd make me feel as if I was actually worth something, knowing that I was actually attractive and worthwhile to someone, and not just a waste of space. To have those feelings continue whilst also being in a relationship seems like paradoxical.
ayase
State Alchemist
I don't think it's a cure all, but I think having someone who cares about you deeply (for reasons other than that you're a blood relation) is an undeniably good feeling. Not having anyone who cares about you is not a good feeling.
I'm reminded of the back of this DVD case...They are kinda similar, just one is hot and one is cold
No, indeed not. I'm sure I'm not even remotely cut out for it. I'm sure, even if I could ever get within shouting distance of it, it'd quickly end in totally ignominious disaster. (And would quite possibly end me.)
I know that. I fully understand that on an entirely conscious and rational level. But try telling that to the parts of my brain that don't listen to common sense and logic. They're telling me I'd like to try it at least once before I expire!
Because...
I agree with Lemon again here. 100%. Is that naive, then?
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Fwiw, match.com is a paid for service (although I think they sometimes offer free trial periods). If you want something like that to play around with, okcupid is free and fairly painless, at least compared to how people have described tinder to me.
I looked at 'OtakuBooty' one time. It is every bit as awful as you are currently imagining.
serpantino
Thousand Master
Everybody in a relationship wants to feel that and yet they frequently go wrong. If the low self esteem etc goes away then surely that wouldn't happen?
Unfortunately low self-esteem can't just be switched off overnight and you can end up feeling you're not good enough, that can lead to constantly needing reassurance or jealousy which then pushes your partner away. You can also fall into the trap of thinking they're perfect because they've saved you from being alone & this can leave you feeling like everything that goes wrong is your fault, which can inadvertently make them feel that they're not good enough. It's a mine (mind?) field.
I know it sounds obvious to say but your prospective partner is also an autonomous being and they come with their own baggage, emotions & hang-ups and relationships involve balancing your own emotions and needs with someone else's & you need a certain level of confidence to correctly anticipate theirs and not get too hurt if you're wrong.
I know I sound really negative but all I'm really trying to scream is the important of having realistic expectations instead of running away with fantasies about the perfect woman/relationship etc as they cause more harm than good because reality can often seem underwhelming. I might be making it sound like it's not worth it but to me it is, just don't underestimate what hard work maintaining a relationship is.
If you just want simple happiness then take long walks in beautiful landscapes, get a loving pet (I recommend dogs), a sex toy, and eat good tasting food!
Well, they say you learn something new every day, and it's true. I turned 36 today, and I'm still learning new things. I learned the term "v-card" courtesy of @IncendiaryLemon. From now on, that is the delicate term I will use to refer to the unenviable card which I still have in my hand to this day.
And if anyone dares say "That's not the only thing you still have in your hand"...
@Watanabe Ken, I'm looking at you, you mischief maker.
And if anyone dares say "That's not the only thing you still have in your hand"...
@Watanabe Ken, I'm looking at you, you mischief maker.
