Relationships and Romance

Rui said:
The problem with making do is an odd one. I'm sure certain psychologists have argued before that we're all chasing ideals based on our parents and other important figures even before we settle on a particular idol later on.
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I've considered this idea and other similar ones a lot, not just in the context of relationships, and the conclusion I came to is that if you manage to strip away everything that's had an effect on your personality and preferences, you end up realising there's no real reason to like or value (or dislike or not value) anything. So I beat a rather hasty retreat from that passageway in my mind, if only to recover some semblance of sanity. I'm sure you can free yourself from the constraints of genetics and history, but I can't actually see what you would do then other than be neutral about everything.

vashdaman said:
These "social" networks aren't really socializing, it's all pretend, its all just about the image.
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And the difference between that and real socialising is..?

vashdaman said:
We don't hide our faces or names to people we meet in the real word.
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No, just our actual real inner selves. I'm able to say everything I want to say with confidence on the internet, and actually be honest about what I think and feel without having people look at me weirdly and wonder how they can get away from me. Or shout at me or punch me. So yeah, it's safer and less humiliating compared to real life. But also unlike real life, some people actually take a small amount of notice of what I have to say and are sometimes even interested in talking to me (see: this thread).

I'm starting to sound a bit Emo now so I'll stop. I'm not really, I'm pretty matter of fact about this stuff. Imagine me sitting back in an armchair with a pipe rather than with my head in my hands ready to slit my wrists.
 
Sorry I didn't actually read the last couple posts before I cracked my knuckles I flew into my mini thesis.
But you can't be rid of that knowledge, and you can't stop yourself comparing others to them. Then you have to live with the knowledge that whoever you end up with after that isn't really the person you wanted. You've "made do", which makes the idea of any further compromise within the relationship even more unpalatable. For some it might not even be a real person (I'd tend to think that within the otaku community it probably isn't) but having an image of an ideal partner which few can live up to (and is then further dependant on them liking you) is something I think a surprising number of people carry through this life.
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To me, this seems like a case of letting your mind run away with you. I mean how can the perfect partner be someone who's not even into you, the spark was never even there? And there are always so many people who are as special if not more special than that person, there really are so many even too many (I have the opposite problem from you, I couldn't stop thinking about what is out there and what I could be missing when my admittedly fantastic relationship started getting more serious)amazing women out there, you just need to stop your mind from fixating on that supposed and fixed ideal in your head. You can certainly stop your mind from making pointless and potentially painful comparisons, it may take some time and work, but the important thing to remember is that your mind does not have to make your life a hell. Remember to control your mind, don't let your mind control you.

I would actually recommend this book for you http://www.amazon.co.uk/Yoga-Sutras-Pat ... 0932040381. You might initially dismiss it as some religious mumbo jumbo, but the reason I am recommending it is because it's actually fantastically practical and to the point. It's almost purely and simply all bout mind control. Give it a quick read you've nothing to lose.

But to find the perfect human being out there, then have them taken away whilst still at the apex of that perfection, is surely the cruellest thing possible
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Only cruel if one has placed too much attachment in that person, and is unable to realize that the passing of that individual's physical form is nothing to actually be upset or sad over. Well that's my aim anyway.

you end up realising there's no real reason to like or value (or dislike or not value) anything
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Just value helping others, then. That is surely the most important thing for both you (or indeed anyone) and whoever you give to. That's what I value above all.

And the difference between that and real socialising is..?
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It's not all about putting up silly images of your weekend onto your facebook, and posting usually meaningless things. Like I said, you get a real feel of the persons energy and real qualities. Facebook and similar sites are almost ways of marketing yourself as a 'cool' person with loads of friends, when it's all just mostly pointless and a waste of time.

No, just our actual real inner selves. I'm able to say everything I want to say with confidence on the internet, and actually be honest about what I think and feel without having people look at me weirdly and wonder how they can get away from me. Or shout at me or punch me. So yeah, it's safer and less humiliating compared to real life. But also unlike real life, some people actually take a small amount of notice of what I have to say and are sometimes even interested in talking to me (see: this thread).
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I don't get this. Nothing I have read you post on this forum has ever seemed particularly strange and in fact is often interesting. Why would you have any qualm saying it in the real world? I'm a pretty frank person, I never say anything online I wouldn't feel comfortable saying in the flesh to the friends and people I have around me, I feel that I can express my true self just as much(actually more so) in the flesh as online, and I'm a 22 year old homeopathy advocate, conventional medicine/ doctor distruster, anime watcher, nutritionally interested person who apparently likes to discuss the size/temperature of his penis while vocally disliking the God Delusion. I don't hide these opinions from anyone and reckon they are a just as controversial as your opinions, so don't see why you feel the need to hide your inner self from anyone.
 
Rui: how much do you feel that your incredibly lucky personal situation clouds your judgement in this matter?

vash: don't worry, I will forgive your average penis-ness due to your overwhelmingly awesome everything else. Someone please add a +rep button.

ayase said:
No, just our actual real inner selves.
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Please tell me that a tiny fraction of your posts is self-parody. The tiniest sliver will give me hope!
 
ilmaestro said:
ayase said:
No, just our actual real inner selves.
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Please tell me that a tiny fraction of your posts is self-parody. The tiniest sliver will give me hope!
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Most things I say are 95% honest truth, 5% self-deprecation for perceived comedic value. If that 5% wasn't there everyone would find me utterly depressing even online.

vashdaman said:
I don't get this. Nothing I have read you post on this forum has ever seemed particularly strange and in fact is often interesting. Why would you have any qualm saying it in the real world? I'm a pretty frank person, I never say anything online I wouldn't feel comfortable saying in the flesh to the friends and people I have around me, I feel that I can express my true self just as much(actually more so) in the flesh as online, and I'm a 22 year old homeopathy advocate, conventional medicine/ doctor distruster, anime watcher, nutritionally interested person who apparently likes to discuss the size/temperature of his penis while vocally disliking the God Delusion. I don't hide these opinions from anyone and reckon they are a just as controversial as your opinions, so don't see why you feel the need to hide your inner self from anyone.
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And people like you? You're even luckier than Rui. No offence intended; I imagine I'd get on rather well with you in real life because you don't give a toss what anybody else thinks, even if our opinions on several issues are opposed. My experience of most other humans though is that they don't like people like us. How is socialising a good experience if everybody just finds you tedious and depressing and half the things you say go over their heads? I'm sure I could be widely liked if I were to project a façade of enjoying things I don't enjoy, and talk about things I'm not actually interested in. But the only place I've found to actually be able to discuss things I am interested in with people who aren't either shallow or fakes is the internet. So I'm very glad internet socialising exists as an option.

I'm probably partly to blame for this topic going off at this tangent, but I'd really rather we discussed each other's opinions on the issues at hand than our psychoanalyses of each other's opinions. I already have a qualified therapist for that.
 
I don't know what Japanese otaku are fretting about. Nothing revs up women like a sizable anime and video game collection. If you have figures, all the better! Vocal communication optional.
 
fabricatedlunatic said:
I don't know what Japanese otaku are fretting about. Nothing revs up women like a sizable anime and video game collection. If you have figures, all the better! Vocal communication optional.
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lmao.jpg


In all seriousness though, reading this thread is reminding me the reason i'm still single even though i have lady friends that try to help me with that. I'm one of those people that you start off being nice too but then after a while you start to think they secretly hate you even though i try and make sure everything i say and do scream that i enjoy your company. Also, My inner self is a cynical and probably racist prick :cry:
 
And people like you? You're even luckier than Rui. No offence intended; I imagine I'd get on rather well with you in real life because you don't give a toss what anybody else thinks, even if our opinions on several issues are opposed. My experience of most other humans though is that they don't like people like us. How is socialising a good experience if everybody just finds you tedious and depressing and half the things you say go over their heads? I'm sure I could be widely liked if I were to project a façade of enjoying things I don't enjoy, and talk about things I'm not actually interested in. But the only place I've found to actually be able to discuss things I am interested in with people who aren't either shallow or fakes is the internet. So I'm very glad internet socialising exists as an option.

I'm probably partly to blame for this topic going off at this tangent, but I'd really rather we discussed each other's opinions on the issues at hand than our psychoanalyses of each other's opinions. I already have a qualified therapist for that.
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Haha, yeah trust me I'm sure we would get along. I'm actually good friends with a couple people who are definitely opposed to me on a few issues and who I would have initially thought I would never get along with. But they have good hearts and aren't angry, arrogant and conceited so we still get along well. To be honest though, I can't say I have more than a few friends who are as into the main things that I am into, but it doesn't really matter, as long as I'm around good hearted open minded people I never have any problems. I guess don't tend to attract many people who are really angered by my views, but even when I am unavoidably put into a situation(such as a class) where I must bare the company of someone who is a bit of a douche, we might debate an issue but then that's it, they wouldn't dare give me any funny looks or any disrespect, so it doesn't bother me in the least.

I do understand your point though and do see why you appreciate online socialising though. For me though, I guess aside from anime (here) I haven't really met any really like minded people who like to gather online and discuss the kind of things that I'm really into. But then, I haven't even looked for them, as somehow I get the feeling that if I did find them online, I probably wouldn't like them a great deal. Yeah, I know that doesn't make much sense, lol.

There are many like minded people to you and me out there though, Ayase, and you do honestly meet them in the most unexpected places sometimes.

Also, sorry if it sounded like I was trying to psycho analyse you, and sorry to everyone for taking this thread on an inevitable downward spiral once I brought up the issue of my penis size!

Back to Japan
 
So... I was having a peek at the forum list of who was reading what threads, and there was a guest shown as reading this one. (A real blast from the past.) So I read it all. As you would.

It's terrifying just how on-the-money @ayase is here.
 
Bloody Hell. It's probably worth mentioning, looking at the dates of this thread, that I was in therapy for depression at this point. Not that that necessarily invalidates my arguments...

I still treasure my lump of coal. RIPIP Vivi, Sparrow, maestro.
ilmaestro said:
Someone please add a +rep button
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Took a while, but you finally got your wish.
 
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