Relationships and Romance

I think you've got totally the right attitude, Aya. That's been my attitude for most of my life as well, but it doesn't seem to have ever gotten me anywhere in that one regard!
~AyaMachi~ said:
I think lines can become incredibly blurred if it's not stated that you're going on a date from the off.
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Yeah, I agree. I think that was one of the problems with the girl I mentioned before: I think she realised that my idea of what I'd asked and her idea of it didn't match.

That and the fact that it turned out she was apparently (quote/unquote) "infatuated" with her section manager at work...
 
Phobos said:
Out of curiosity here, has anyone who is struggling to make traction in their love lives ever considered trying out something over the phone with people or via internet etc? I ended up having some weird phone thing with someone at one point and it helped give me more confidence in approaching my OH with romantic intentions.
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I have used dating sites in the past, and whilst they're good for finding good matches on specific things like "non-smoker" or "wants children - yes/no?", you still have to be very careful in how you navigate those things. I've found many people are lazy in creating a "profile" (apparently I should just hit you up in Kik or IM), or they're not being entirely truthful. I've had good experiences overall (they just haven't worked out), but you do get a lot of attention seekers and time wasters on those sites - it's just a case of making the best judgement you can. That said I've also had people who seem to think the workd owes them a favour and get ar$3y if you don't respond to a message. I'm not being funny, but if you're best introduction is "Hi, wnt 2 tlk?" - no, just no!

As for phones, I had the wierdest call whilst I was at work once. I don't know what it was about, but it started as just the usual protocol, and the next thing the guys starts hitting on me! Needless to say I put the phone down soon enough!
 
I've never flirted in a situation where flirting would have achieved anything, it's not my style (though apparently even casual conversation with my future partner sounded naturally flirty according to the friends teasing us back at the time). All of my friends are the opposite sex to me and I just talk to them normally.

Baggie, I think it's good to talk to girls normally but there is a point where sexualised jokes put people on edge (especially when you consider the fact that a statistically significant number of women in particular have directly experienced sexual abuse and been conditioned not to object to it in real time for fear of reprisal). Might be best to figure out a happy medium?

R
 
Neil.T said:
I think you've got totally the right attitude, Aya. That's been my attitude for most of my life as well, but it doesn't seem to have ever gotten me anywhere in that one regard!

Yeah, I agree. I think that was one of the problems with the girl I mentioned before: I think she realised that my idea of what I'd asked and her idea of it didn't match.

That and the fact that it turned out she was apparently (quote/unquote) "infatuated" with her section manager at work...
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As hopeless as it seems to be, just carry on regardless. Don't change anything out of desparation, or let lonelyness drive you into the arms of the wrong person. There will be someone out there who will like and appreciate the real you, and won't expect you to change. The thing is, someone who is real and genuine will like you flaws and all. No-one's perfect, nor can you expect someone to be. Communication is really important. My last relationship broke down partly because we weren't friends - we were simply in a romantic relationship, but it lacked the dynamic of friendship that I needed; it's no good just feeling like we're dating every day of our lives. I need to feel like I can joke; take the peas but in good nature, and know I'll get it back.

I don't know you from Adam (or Lilith, see what I did there? :p), but you seem like a decent bloke who's just trying to make it in the world, like many of us are. I think the aspirations of this generation are just to have a modest life and live comfortably, especially whilst there's so much hardship in the world today. Don't lose hope - just be you, the rest will follow! ;)
 
Rui said:
I've never flirted in a situation where flirting would have achieved anything, it's not my style (though apparently even casual conversation with my future partner sounded naturally flirty according to the friends teasing us back at the time). All of my friends are the opposite sex to me and I just talk to them normally.

Baggie, I think it's good to talk to girls normally but there is a point where sexualised jokes put people on edge (especially when you consider the fact that a statistically significant number of women in particular have directly experienced sexual abuse and been conditioned not to object to it in real time for fear of reprisal). Might be best to figure out a happy medium?

R
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I think it's a subjective thing; what is perceived as flirting by one person may just be casual conversation acording to another. It's part of the problem of being very friendly with anyone (as I tend to be) - people may mistake it as flirting when I'm just having a friendly conversation with a man. Also I agree with the second part of your statement.
 
~AyaMachi~ said:
I don't know you from Adam (or Lilith, see what I did there? :p)
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I do! That was mighy. :D

Seriously, thanks for the input, Aya. You're a gem. I'm so glad you picked this forum. (Please stay! :))

Yeah, it's just, I feel like I've already run out of road with all this, you know? Back to just watching anime for me. Thank goodness for Gurren Lagann!
 
Phobos said:
That sounded like a creepy phone all! I’ve heard similar things about dating sites @~AyaMachi~ Which is why I avoided such things.
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It was pretty wierd :S No idea what it was about; some bloke from Wolverhampton...

They have good points, but it's just about being sensible and exercising caution. It works out for some but not for others.
 
Neil.T said:
I do! That was mighy. :D

Seriously, thanks for the input, Aya. You're a gem. I'm so glad you picked this forum. (Please stay! :))

Yeah, it's just, I feel like I've already run out of road with all this, you know? Back to just watching anime for me. Thank goodness for Gurren Lagann!
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Ah, I did a funny! I need to remember this day XD

Really, it's no problem :) I like to help in any way I can; treat people as you wish to be treated - people here have been super nice to me :)
Oh I'll not be going anywhere ;) - it's nice to find somewhere where I can talk about things I'm into, as well as just meet some genuinelly nice people to share thoughts with about anything. It get's hard when you have no friends - I'm used to being alone, but I don't choose to be lonely!

I wouldn't throw in the proverbial towel. Rather just let things happen naturally. It's easier said than done, I know, but I often think, "you often find what you're looking for when you're not looking for it". I would just stick to looking after you - you can't love another until you love yourself. I started with baby-steps - saying "hi" to cashiers when buying something and making eye contact; complementing other people (make others feel confident and you eventually find confidence in yourself); just general looking after yourself - going for walks; people watching, but above all, just be yourself - it's cliche, but so true! Don't give up. I mean, I don't know what kind of lifestyle you have aside from your anime interest (and knowing how to play chess), but you talk well and conduct yourself well enough here, plus you have a sense of humour (though I'm sure Shinji would beg to differ XD)
 
Neil.T said:
Ha, hah. That's another thing, actually. There's a very clear gender divide with how comfortable I feel giving casual compliments. Have a guess which gender I can't bring myself to casually offer compliments to! (Rhetorical question only.)
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Maybe a thing to work with online/calls before doing it face to face?
 
Phobos said:
At least it’s better than asking what colour underwear you’re wearing!
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True, but it's wierd nonetheless. As someone who has been on the receiving end of harassment in the workplace, it gets tiring when you're simply trying to do your job but you have to put up with ****!
 
Neil.T said:
Ha, hah. That's another thing, actually. There's a very clear gender divide with how comfortable I feel giving casual compliments. Have a guess which gender I can't bring myself to casually offer compliments to! (Rhetorical question only.)
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One thing I did (and still do) to help me overcome confidence issues is picture characters I admire from favourite shows/films. I would observe them and see what makes them confident :) I get that they're characatures and so their traits are often exaggerated, but you can still grasp their confident mannerisms and behaviour ^^

It comes down to setting as well. If it's in a casual setting, it makes it much easier!
 
Neil.T said:
That's shocking. :mad:
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Very unfortunate indeed! I was afraid to tell my then manager because I didn't think she'd believe me and guess what - she didn't believe me!

Ah well it's done and the manager of that place was just awful anyway!
 
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