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Yeah I cried on the bus today as the Metro has a few pages on him, including how he died.

Horridly coincidentally, my depression has hit me full force today, it's been in hiatus for some time which has been really nice but before lunch I was crying at my desk for a good hour. Same old reocurring issue again, the me having no close friends just as a survey revealed 1 in 11 don't. My last close friend was when I was 22 and she just removed me from her life and I don't know why. Part of me thinks she wanted a new start seeing how our circle was just toxic people, people who regretably are still my circle and who do tons of stuff without me and dont act like I'm there when they do ask me out and I come out. I wish she'd of taken me with her and let me leave these too :( 4 years and counting so far then since I last had a close friend. It feels horrid :(
 
Danielle: Yeah, they've done that to me a fair bit this week, though i can only be thankful that they realise i won't do it without being paid the supervisor rate. We just lost 2 members of staff in two weeks because of the business and one team manager overstepping her boundaries, so it's definitely a good kick to move things on for me.
Ryo: I kind of wish i did put the news up there actually. I remember he covered his fandom over anime on his AMA about a year ago and it just never clicked. I think the shock kicked in and i blanked =/

On why he'd be covered, i was actually under the impression - at least in the gaming side of things - that since the adverts in 2011, they had strong-ish ties to nintendo? I know zelda at least has had a fair bit of coverage with them, even if its in small tournaments or whatever. I still don't mind either way. The fact of the matter either way is that he was such an influential man that everyone knew him and his films had an impact on so many, especially in this generation. Bringing it up as a point of interest is fair game here.
 
I always wonder how much to reveal about myself online. It's certainly brave for anyone to do it. I have depression myself amongst a few other things that make life 'complicated'.

Learn to accept who you are because it doesn't do you any favours not to and makes your life unnecessarily more difficult. We've all got flaws, you just have to learn to accept them as part of you, it can take a while but just start out with small stuff like telling yourself you look good when you've made an effort on your appearance or notice when you've behaved nicely.

Remember that people aren't all the same, they love all shapes and sizes and personalities, all our preferences are different. A minority of the UK population loves anime for instance, but we still exist. Don't take away your chances by fooling yourself into thinking you don't have any.

Making friends is hard nowadays, especially if you're not forced into a social situation like work or college. Keep an eye out for social stuff that interests you and if people look friendly try to approach them, if they shirk you off, they're not worth knowing anyway because they didn't even give you a chance, it's not your flaw, it's theirs. Seeing it like that will help with the self esteem, though it might make you a tad bitter but it's better than being alone because you're afraid of rejection.

Try and make some online friends. It's not the same but it can be easier to be open with them and can be lower risk, find some games to play and socialize like that, or sit and watch a film at the same time. I have a few good online friends I regularly game and chat with but I have no physical friend circle and it's enough for me.

I hope it helps a bit. I know it's all easier said than done but it's doable.
 
That all sounded kinda ominous Lawrence. I certainly wouldn't resent you for your words, a lot of people have been there. I still am, in some ways. My perspective on friendship and relationships with other people is this: I was a shy, anxious, socially inept kid with parents who were just as socially useless and never encouraged me to socialise, so I didn't. Also I moved around a lot. I never really had any more than one or two close friends, and irl have had no real friends for the best part of six years. Despite having therapy for both depression and anxiety which has helped dispel a lot of my negative beliefs and inhibitions and encouraged me to meet people and socialise, I find I still don't get on with many people at all. Their behaviours and attitudes just piss me off too much. And that goes as much for the touchy sensitive types as it does for the loud-mouthed ignorant types. I respect their right to exist but I'll be damned if I'll put on a façade for the sake of their company.

If you feel you want friends, by all means get some confidence and go out and try to find them, but I think the honest truth is that some of us just have to remain alone, no matter how painful it can be, because actually being a fraud in order to retain friends can be even more harmful in the long term. I'm just waiting on the robotic companions now, because at least they'll make sense and won't have dumb opinions - In the meantime I'll carry on with "the internet" as sort of Borg collective friend and enemy, because it has all the opinions, all the emotions and all the possible reactions. With each individual you have to put up with one narrow set of these things.
 
I'll tell you, there is something poetic about announcing to your boss, who in the preceding weeks handed you a number of tasks and assignments with very tight deadlines, that you were able to complete all said tasks and assignments within their deadlines. You can't help but be smug about it as you submit your final reports.
 
Lawrence, in ways I know how you feel. You become numb with everything moving fast paced around you and you don't want to do anything. I've been tired all the time for years now, always a reminder of my depression but I try not to let it stop me doing things.

I watched Hook last night and Robins last words in the film bought tears to my eyes "to live would be an awfully big adventure". Don't ever feel for one second like you want to stop being apart of this world. I've been to rock bottom so many times but ever since an attempt in my teens, I've never once since wanted to end my life. I'd rather be alive even if I'm not living. I'd take staying in my room, eating supernoodles and watching tv shows and animes over not existing and not being able to do that.

Guys, if you lived closer to me, regardless of any age differences, I would be so lucky and happy to have you as IRL friends. Instead I get you online but you're company. You're people to talk to outside of the 4 I always so in a small way, you're keeping me sane :)

I've never had trouble making friends, I just seem to have been left with the wrong ones. Ones who don't even treat me like they treat the rest. Any that were good have left me, left me for friends in other circles I've introduced them to and replaced me with them. Story of my life. Lost 4 so far because of my being "nice".

Right now I'm trying to focus on changing my figure to stop from thinking about how I have no one besides my Mum, Gran, Brother, BF and pets. I'm doing a Jillian Michaels DVD and remotely watching my food. I'll stay on my RDA or under. I should really try and reduce my intake but atm with feeling so emotionally poop, I'm eating for happiness *looks at the empty Mikado box on my work desk* :p I wish I could physically do the Insanity exercises/moves properly so I could "feel" them but I can't. Stupid weak ankles and my neuroma. The idea of looking good after 60 days, it makes me cry with happiness but sadness that I can't do that. I hope Jillian's DVD does SOMETHING. It's so shallow but I want to look and feel good when I start my new job, I hope it makes people like me as I really really want friends :(#

Yakumo - I feel ya! Time and time again I either meet or exceed deadlines and unrealistic ones too. I feel pride but sadly it makes no change here. Those who can't make deadlines go unpunished with what they haven't done given to me to finish and I get no praise. That's why I'm leaving. Aaaaaah :)
 
Day off tomorrow, yippee.

This week has dragged on, next week will probably be even worst, time to shift the office around again
 
VoxPhantom said:
Got a wisdom tooth breaking through the gum at the back of my mouth, the pain varies from dull ache to excruciating. :(
Click to expand...

I've got a wisdom tooth that's nearly done (bottom right) but oh boy it's going to be a pain when the others appear (I had teeth removed years back which might explain how I'm getting them now, since I know it's a gamble when it comes to wisdom tooths).
 
VoxPhantom said:
Got a wisdom tooth breaking through the gum at the back of my mouth, the pain varies from dull ache to excruciating. :(
Click to expand...
Thus the paradox of the wisdom tooth. Given the standard set by the dentures they come to accompany, they are far less wise than their name would suggest.
 
My top two are through, they're pushing my front teeth forward though but I can't see that being rationale for the dentist to pull them out for me since its not cutting my gum or any proper effects. My bottom right has started to come through bit by bit, bugger when it does. My bottom left is yet to even twinge lol.

I hate the change in weather all the time. Last night with the rain and wind, it sounded like autumn/winter! I'm getting headaches and am constantly tired and possibly even with cold. Bleh.
 
Had to go to the Dentist and Doctors (for my asthma) today for check-ups. Got the all clear from both while the Nurse said I have lost 4lbs since my last check-up (not that I am on a diet or need to lose weight or anything).
 
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I am annoyed at work. STOP GIVING ME STUFF TO DO AND PEOPLES STUFF TO FIX!!! They're here so get them to do it! You are going to PERISH once I finally f*ck off out of here so best get practice now! Already spotting mass errors in execution of stuff from my Senior but I cba intervening. He shouldn't be doing things as simple as he is wrong now he's been here over a year. I am so so close to pulling a sicky with the conscience in me doesnt want to do that to me sh*t senior as he is terribly bad at fitting all his work in the 8-4 or 9-5 days so with me away we're talking non step 8-6/7 for him probably.

I'm going Byron Burger on Monday. Cannot wait. Thought I'd end with something remotely upbeat :p
 
I received a text from "MSFT" before which is Microsoft I think with an Microsoft account security code. Does that mean someone's trying to hack me as I've not requested one? Since I've been sent the code to my phone, does that mean hopefully said person cannot hack me now or does it mean they still might be able to?

This is not my week! :(

My old email addy that I had since I was like 14 got hacked late last year, so I've not even had this new one for very long! :'(
 
I hope so Owly! :) I don't want to lose my hotmail account :(

I have to log in later at my Mums to reply back my new employers HR dept with a massive thank you that they've been able to amend the date on my contract so hopefully nothing looks perculiar and it lets me in real easy. Apparently there's a way you can view recent activity on hotmail/outlook too now? Might give that a whirl.

I've been logging in on my damn Blackberry since I have no internet at mine so I'll be gutted if my using this has risked my account.

Does the weird daily changes in temperature make anyone else feel like physically ill/sick? It was cold this morning so I put on a short coat, I was boiling in it in lunch. Changes to temperature like that make me feel proper crap, like right now my head feels how it would if I had a cold for example. Bleh :(
Sleeping over at my Mums tonight, really excited, plus, she'll make me feel better (Mummys girl syndrome :p) :)
 
The change of weather is making me feel a bit under the weather. Cold one minute, warm the next.

This week has dragged, thankfully it is Friday tomorrow and a long weekend :)
 
I'm glad it's not just me Kite.

Two of my friends are now with cold. I've not been sick all year which is very worrying for me since I attract colds and have one at least 3 times a year. I therefore fear it's going to strike me down hard if I end up getting one. It's always after lunchtime that I get those kinda of headaches that aren't really headaches but are the things that give you the feeling crap sensation you have when you're with cold.

I half don't mind if I get sick just so long as it's after the Bank Hol as since I'm leaving here soon, I would gladly now pull sick days whereas in the past I worked despite being sick.

LONG week. TGIF! Sadly it's proving to be a very LONG day :(
 
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