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I quite like variety in my work to a certain degree, but a variety from a set pool of tasks is what I like the best. Like in my current job there are lots of things I have to do, but some days some of them will need doing, and on others there will be different ones to do. I like that.

I'm the same. If I /have/ to learn to play a piece for some reason, then I very rarely find it fun, but if I hear something and go "hey, I wanna learn to play that", it is still fun.
 
I think it's kind of easy at times to get stuck in that way of thinking of 'right, I'm going to sort myself out now/I'm going to spend some time deciding' - and in my experience anyway, it often makes things worse because then you're essentially forced to focus on yourself intensely, and have the time to do it too. So you end up picking yourself apart and often getting frustrated at where you're at and what you could have done differently. I've often found that the real 'finding yourself' comes when you least expect it.

Sometimes, just throwing yourself into a job or hobby or something like that is actually for the best - even if you're dreading it, it keeps your mind occupied, and suddenly, you realise you're actually enjoying it and have progressed as a person.

I was quite lucky in always knowing what I wanted to do - but if I offered one piece of advice, it'd be to not write off a 'career' - I remember I was the same at that age thinking 'oh, I just need enough to get by' - but when you get a full-time, regular job, you suddenly realise it's not just the luxury of lots of money you're getting, but the confidence and regularity of routine that comes with it (plus, the social side) - it becomes a way of life, and helps build up who you are as a person.
 
I'd say that's good advice Lutga. At first I was so glad for this time and I felt so much happier, but as it's dragged on I do feel myself just tearing myself apart. You genuinely start to hate yourself! I want to find a job where I know I'll be happy. Now I've left a job once, I've found it's not that hard and that's a bit scary because if I wasn't happy, I could see myself just quitting.

My anxiety really does get the better of me. I even picked a few places I thought 'I'd like to work here.' but I get to nervous to even hand in a CV. I am going to do it though! I've got good experience and I'm really polite and like to help. This is what I tell myself anyway.
 
Lutga said:
I think it's kind of easy at times to get stuck in that way of thinking of 'right, I'm going to sort myself out now/I'm going to spend some time deciding' - and in my experience anyway, it often makes things worse because then you're essentially forced to focus on yourself intensely, and have the time to do it too. So you end up picking yourself apart and often getting frustrated at where you're at and what you could have done differently. I've often found that the real 'finding yourself' comes when you least expect it.

Sometimes, just throwing yourself into a job or hobby or something like that is actually for the best - even if you're dreading it, it keeps your mind occupied, and suddenly, you realise you're actually enjoying it and have progressed as a person.
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Do you not think that's a bit like distracting yourself with the basic mechanics of life so you don't ask yourself deeper or more difficult to answer questions? Are you really enjoying what you're doing or are you just relieved to have concerns you can understand and address, rather than the ones you can't which start to manifest when you don't have these distractions? I'm not claiming to know the answer to that question, but it is something I think about.

PandoraHane said:
I want to find a job where I know I'll be happy. Now I've left a job once, I've found it's not that hard and that's a bit scary because if I wasn't happy, I could see myself just quitting.
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That's pretty much what I've always done - What I think I'll enjoy at the time, and if I stop enjoying something I stop doing it. You can't be happy with a thing forever (be it a job, a place or a person) or at least I don't believe you can. Perhaps it is a little scary because of the lack of stability which accompanies that way of thinking, but what's the point in continuing with something that's making you miserable? Vague promises of jam tomorrow or this idea society has sold us that maturity equates to having to do things you don't like? Not that I'm advocating a life of absolute hedonism or avoidance of petty difficulties, but certainly don't spend the majority of your days doing something you see no value in or brings you no joy. Stability and comfort is in my opinion not worth trading for being honest with and true to yourself.

I could offer lots of terrible advice in the same vein I'm sure, but I think the only halfway sensible advice I have to offer (to those who don't want to distract themselves or go insane) is to just try your best not to allow your life to be used for the purposes of anyone else, which is essentially what "society" is. That's something which stopped being disguised entirely when companies started using the term "human resources" - I'm always astounded by how few people find that particular combination of words horrifying. We're little better than coal, presumably, to feed the machine.

PandoraHane said:
My anxiety really does get the better of me. I even picked a few places I thought 'I'd like to work here.' but I get to nervous to even hand in a CV. I am going to do it though! I've got good experience and I'm really polite and like to help. This is what I tell myself anyway.
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That's something positive and something you can work on. If you think you'd enjoy something, give it a try. If you find you don't enjoy it, you can stop. A lot of people put far too much stock in what others think of them and their actions and let those fears make decisions for them.
 
ayase said:
Lutga said:
I think it's kind of easy at times to get stuck in that way of thinking of 'right, I'm going to sort myself out now/I'm going to spend some time deciding' - and in my experience anyway, it often makes things worse because then you're essentially forced to focus on yourself intensely, and have the time to do it too. So you end up picking yourself apart and often getting frustrated at where you're at and what you could have done differently. I've often found that the real 'finding yourself' comes when you least expect it.

Sometimes, just throwing yourself into a job or hobby or something like that is actually for the best - even if you're dreading it, it keeps your mind occupied, and suddenly, you realise you're actually enjoying it and have progressed as a person.
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Do you not think that's a bit like distracting yourself with the basic mechanics of life so you don't ask yourself deeper or more difficult to answer questions? Are you really enjoying what you're doing or are you just relieved to have concerns you can understand and address, rather than the ones you can't which start to manifest when you don't have these distractions? I'm not claiming to know the answer to that question, but it is something I think about.
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The trouble is, I've kind of gone along for a while with both approaches, and I know which one I feel more comfortable for. For example, when I first started Uni and then again when I first started work, I tried very hard to confront a lot of those difficult issues you mention, and I'd always come out feeling much worse for wear.

You could say perhaps that that's the whole point, and that you could take that as motivation to try and 'improve' yourself - but I think the message I kind of came back to the older I got was 'What am I improving myself toward?' - Is the image I have in my mind of what I want to be really a) realistic and b) all that great in the first place? Is there actually a train of thought that says there's nothing to be ashamed about with how I am now, and that the issues in my mind are just obstacles I'm creating for myself?

I think, in hindsight - for me personally (and this might not apply to everyone), I feel a lot more comfortable with myself this way. Some people might call that giving up, or putting up a wall - but I just keep coming back to thinking, would the 'other' me really have been that much better? Who's to say that the 'me' right now isn't the real me that I was supposed to be all along?
 
Thank you ayase. There's nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy what you are doing and being happy there, that's true. I've been feeling a bit better about it all since people on here have been so nice. I think it is the desire not to have people view me that way, as not being able to stick something out. Then again, my first and only job so far was for almost 6 years. Even if it was part-time, I think that would show I'm reliable at least :)

I suppose I am around that time in life where things can be confusing and scary. Suddenly I have all these options and it's a little overwhelming for someone like me. I don't have a huge amount of confidence, but I want to be happy with what I choose.

I'm definitely starting to feel more sure of myself. I'm positive I can find something I'll be happy with and really love.
 
Awwww Pandora, you're a baby still!

I'm 27 in April. Feeling OLD!!!

Well my depression has me atm. Feel emotionally separated/disconnected from my BF (to where I feel like breaking up) and my Mums not that far behind. I'm at hers atm using her internet as being around people is a distraction. I had a breakdown in the disabled loos at work then when I got home yesterday so I feel really tired and look really run down. I'm pondering finally venturing out to anti depressants. I've avoided them since I was diagnosed at 19 for my own reasons. My Mum thinks I should get off contraception for good as depression and anxiety can be a side effect of that and I've been on the same pill for years now. I don't know.

I just really can't pretend I'm ok with not having any friends. I mean it, NONE. If my Brother gets to go to a new school and make friends, I've lost my only friend that I hang out with. My "friend" came to work where I work now and she already has people from there on her FB and going on nights out. I have no one from work on my FB and get to go on no nights out. I am so jealous of her.

It's hard living atm for me. Not that I'd ever do anything "silly" but I have a scary amount of years left of being alone and it makes me really sad.

The bloody AOL DOTW is sh*t too so it's not like I can get a pick me up to try and distract.
 
-Danielle- said:
Awwww Pandora, you're a baby still!
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Sometimes I feel like one :lol: I'm all like 'Someone tell me what to do!!'.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like that Danielle. I have depression too, which is the cause of where I'm at now. It is very hard but I feel I let it get the better of me when I shouldn't. I was diagnosed at 19 too, funnily enough! I was on anti-depressants until a few months back when I just took myself off them (which you are really not supposed to do!) and now I need to go back to the doctor since I've essentially made myself worse! I also quit going to counselling, I hit quite a down and cut myself off from pretty much everything, which I shouldn't have.

However! There are lots of fun things to do in life! I made myself a list of things that make me happy, and there's lots of them I want to do. Maybe you could try doing something like that? I like making lists since ticking something off feels like I've accomplished something. Some examples being I've bought myself a big sketchbook and I'm going to fill it all up with paintings and drawings. I've got in touch with some friends I haven't seen in ages and I'm talking to them again. Just online for now until I pluck up some courage to meet up! I've got myself a book to start learning a little Japanese. Just small things.

Is there things you'd like to do? Even little things?

If it helps, I think you seem really really nice! You seem very sunny and have lots of interesting things to say :D
 
You'll find your own feet my lovely :)

I would love to go back to being your age. Oh the small things I would do differently to make me have friends now! lol.

Don't feel bad if it gets in the way of effects you more than you think it should. It's with us always and sometimes it hits bigger than usual. I can live with it in the background for ages bit eventually it builds up too much and I end up where I am now.

I have no talent/s. If I did your sketch book one would be an ace one I would probably list for myself too.

I wish I had old friends to get back in touch with but the ones I remotely have I've had since high school and college so they're really all there is. I want to try and find a new book to read so I guess I can focus on that for now. I also want to go shopping for cute stuff in China Town for myself so that's another I guess. I like my own company so it's only really when my depression gets me that I feel sad for "my own company" not necessarily/really being my own choice :(

I'm so tempted next time I go to a geeky store to try and strike up a conversation with someone/anyone but I think I'd feel like a pedo bear at almost 27 talking to strangers.

In the US they used to have a "find a friend" website as it was used in the film I Love You, Man. I'd love for there to be website like that.

Awww thanks :) You seem delightful and easy to converse with as do so many on here. This place is really my only refuge atm so I hate that I can't get on every day and stuffs.
 
It took me years to come to terms with stuff like this - and I think in a way it was only really this year that I finally felt properly comfortable. And it kept coming back to being able to accept that there was no shame in being a bit weird and unsociable at times. For years I'd tried to force myself to be someone I clearly wasn't - I kept saying to myself if I could only change, I'd be happy. But then it sort of finally started to dawn on me that maybe the me I was right now was actually the real me, and no amount of forcing myself would ever truly make me change. And when I realised that it felt like a big weight off my shoulders.

Some people would probably say that feels like giving up - but I have a job I love and good colleagues that I love chatting to, so I think I've finally been able to come to terms with the 'not having any prope friends' thing. Part of me says, you've come this far in life this way - maybe this is just the way it was supposed to be for you? And in that sense, perhaps it's better to be happy with the things you can enjoy and control right now than tearing yourself apart longing for something that might not even be the answer you're looking for. That's that way I've sort of come to terms with it anyway.
 
Jesus, I wanted to stop discussing things like this on here but that all sounds awfully familiar Danielle. I don't tend to think of the scary amount of years left (that's both subject to change and, if you want to get really dark, personal choice) but rather the scary amount that are gone, along with my youthful appearance. We can't make people understand or like us, we can't really expect them to and if we end up alone even though we genuinely like people and long for company it's probably because we refuse to put up with other people's bullsh*t (or they with ours, whichever description works for you). Playing "the game" of accepted social interaction and benefiting from the reward system for playing by its unwritten rules is just one of those parts of life most people are happy to participate in, those of us who aren't... Well I'd say we're probably better off together, but everyone I meet who is similar to me in terms of personality and outlook I've found physically unappealing even if they've been interested in me and as a result am still alone.

Not to drive you or Pandora into the arms of medication of course, that all sounded a bit bleak. personally I've consistently refused it, I find just talking to somebody does me the world of good and actually, I think people SHOULD be depressed to an extent. It means they're paying attention. Even if GPs do think the realisation of how horrifying and pointless life is and how we are all ultimately alone in the universe is a result of "chemical imbalances in the brain" I think that's just because they don't really understand or comprehend life on a particularly deep level themselves (or don't want to). Don't get me wrong, life is beautiful and amazing as well. But that doesn't make it any LESS horrifying or pointless. Disclaimer: ayase is not a medical professional (though his opinion is that you should not necessarily trust medical professionals) and his own experiences may not be comparable with yours. Disclaimer disclaimer: ayase's opinions are (probably) not fact and should not (currently) be treated as such.

With regards to your points Lutga, I'm very much of the opinion you create who you are. I mean genetics probably set your general level of intelligence and ability for comprehension, and your upbringing probably instills you with certain attitudes and values (but those can be overcome if you realise and are willing to admit you've been influenced). But other than that, I don't think there is such a thing as a "real you" - I think we choose to be who we are, and some people get sick of that and decide to change who they are. Some people dream of changing who they are but feel they can't - And I think what prevents people from changing is feeling guilty because they know other people like or value them the way the are NOW, and they don't want to upset or alienate those people by changing. You absolutely can change your behaviour or attitudes at any time, but the real area this falls down is that we can't easily change our physical appearances to be who we feel we are as well. That's bad enough for people like me who are showing the signs of ageing and just want it to f*cking stop already, but I can't imagine how much worse it must be for say, people who feel they're the wrong gender. Robotic bodies can't come soon enough.
 
I can sympathize and understand most of what you're saying, but this bit makes me feel a bit sad:

That's bad enough for people like me who are showing the signs of ageing and just want it to f*cking stop already, but I can't imagine how much worse it must be for say, people who feel they're the wrong gender. Robotic bodies can't come soon enough.
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Again, I can understand where you're coming from. But more and more, I'm finding true honesty to one of the most important and admirable qualities in someone. And this goes for physical honesty too, well, at least it's something I personally respect. For someone who is a pretty uncompromisingly honest person (as far as I can tell anyway) I do find it interesting that you'd like to hide the signs of your ageing, when in my opinion that's just an honest physical reflection of the life you've lived. What's your motivation to change it? Attracting a partner? But wouldn't that constitute as partaking in the same games and silliness and untruthfulness you dislike in others? If I'm honest, I don't even respect it in people who feel they are the wrong gender and choose to undertake a sex change, and I've known a couple of people who have done this. I wholeheartedly sympathize with their heart breaking situation, but I just can't accept that artificially changing your sex is the best solution. It's still a bit like trying to live a lie, rather than really being honest with themselves.
 
I wish it was that easy to change behaviour & attitude.

I've lived in with people suffering from schizophrenia, borderline personality, clinical depression & bipolar in the past. I have something along those lines myself and it's definitely not that simple to change sadly.

Our mind's are not independent of the workings of the physical brain which is why misfiring neurons, chemical imbalances and other mutations all affect our psyche's and genetics can play a part there.

A high level of self control can help suppress things in the short term but they will manifest & it is physically exhausting. You also suffer a lack of any reward from your brain for doing things, especially with depression which makes motivation for anything even harder and it will cause you not to feel anything towards people sometimes.

I've learnt to go at my own pace through life instead of worrying about where I should be in life right now & I focus on getting each day out the way. I've greatly reduced the frequency of some aspects of my condition through willpower and repetition but they do come back from time to time, then I just have to ride them out & not make any big decisions whilst there.

If nothing helps, people should try medication, they're not weak for being on it and it does improve a lot of people's quality of life. It won't work straight away and it may take a few tries to find what works but if it might make life more maneagable then it's worth trying.
 
vashdaman said:
I can understand where you're coming from. But more and more, I'm finding true honesty to one of the most important and admirable qualities in someone. And this goes for physical honesty too, well, at least it's something I personally respect. For someone who is a pretty uncompromisingly honest person (as far as I can tell anyway) I do find it interesting that you'd like to hide the signs of your ageing, when in my opinion that's just an honest physical reflection of the life you've lived. What's your motivation to change it? Attracting a partner? But wouldn't that constitute as partaking in the same games and silliness and untruthfulness you dislike in others? If I'm honest, I don't even respect it in people who feel they are the wrong gender and choose to undertake a sex change, and I've known a couple of people who have done this. I wholeheartedly sympathize with their heart breaking situation, but I just can't accept that artificially changing your sex is the best solution. It's still a bit like trying to live a lie, rather than really being honest with themselves.
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As I'm sure you're aware by now Vash, my views are largely existentialist in nature - I don't belive in a creator or that life has intrinsic meaning and I think it's up to each individual to give themselves purpose. In much the same way I think people should be allowed to create themselves - It's said you shouldn't judge by appearances, but perhaps they are a useful indicator which helps people easily identify those of a similar personality or disposition and many people do tailor or modify their appearances to this end. To some degree it's true we can create our own image - For most, fashion is enough and they don't really think of taking it any further than that. If they do start starving themselves or getting plastic surgery people often put that down to "the pressures of society" and perhaps for some it is, but equally could that be how they imagine they look when they're thinking or dreaming? If people were only bothered by their appearance due to how they think others see them, I would agree completely. But I don't believe that's always the case. I think people have a self-image which is important to them as well, simply because that's the person they feel they are and the appearance which would best reflect that. When they imagine themselves, that's who they see rather than the reflection in the mirror.

I do partially agree though with your assessment of people changing their appearances with currently available medical technology. It's incredibly basic and rarely acheives the desired result. As an extreme example, I don't imagine if Michael Jackson had been free to shape his appearance in exactly the way he wanted that he would have ended up looking the way he did. Surgeons just did the best they could with the tech currently available, which is honestly not very good and the reason I think full synthetic bodies will eventually be the way to go. Imagine if you could even look like a stylised sculpture of some sort, or for people who don't even see any value or beauty in the human form they would no longer be limited to it. Maybe some would have a male body for the week and a female one for the weekend. Imagine race and gender becoming truly meaningless and all the stupid politics around those things simply going away (though doubtless there'd be more moral outrage over transhumanism, thanks Francis Fukuyama, you luddite). That's what I believe in, really. Freeing people from their limitations. We're doing quite well but we haven't yet conquered death or ageing and I think those should be quite high on the list. Once people start living for millennia instead of barely a century, perhaps society can actually start making some progress with long-term vision.
 
Personally I have nobody I can really call my best friend, I have 'friends' from work who I keep roughly in touch with every now and again, but nobody to go out with etc, I prefer doing stuff on my own so I can take my own time in doing it.

Anyway, where did January go?
 
I've been myself for years. I accept my change but all my friends who are now acquaintaces haven't. They are all like how they were in early 20's and they're toxic to me now. They all bitch about whomeer isn't there from our circle, never let me talk and when I do, havent listened anyway.

My one acquaintance I'd go out with every blue moon is now pregnant so there's fun social action gone not to mentio any double dateage as her (she's 27) and her bf (hes 31) are moving out of their parents to rent a place ready for the baby and they're poor cause of it.

I like who I am, I just wish I found someone who I could fit in with. My circle, they're all alike one way or another, I have no common ground with any of them. liking anime, rock and metal and geeky kawaii stuff.

I just want a friend to hang with inside or outside and be able to talk about things to :(

I feel a lot better than I did back on Friday and Saturday. I think coming off contraception might be happening and if no change, then the anti depressants. I want to feel ok about having no friends and all my time being being just me, alone with the dog if I don't want to me with my Mum, Bro or BF.

In an online orientated world, how does one go about making a friend IRL??

Even at work, whilst I can have conversations, I get left out of things by them still, showing photos of pets, tales of their everyday life, I don't get sat with at lunch and I was NEVER that kid at school or college so it's odd how I'm now that kid in my adult life.

I'm being me 100% now so is that it? Am I a really awful person who's likes, interests, personality and life just isn't interesting?

I hope it's not me. I always found it easy striking up conversations, going on a night out with someone I briefly know, talking to people in con queues. Sadly in the queues once they left that was it and I was alone again, most recently at last years Manchester one.
 
When you meet the people that really 'get' you/have similar interests, you realise that you no longer have to 'pretend' to fit in with others. It's not like their way is 'right' and the other way is 'wrong'.

One thing I've always found quite helpful is going to things on your own - it probably feels lonely at first, but if it's stuff you're genuinely interested in, at least you feel part of a wider 'community'. I'll never forget the first time I went to Comic Con and realised just how 'big' it was. People are out there, and there will always have been someone who has felt the same, or gone through the same as you have.

For me, it was really going after my career that helped me - it became my 'shield', if you will, and took what was a hobby into something I did for a living. I knew that whatever else I felt, at least I could take comfort in being in an amazing job. That, at least, felt like something I could control, and have my expertise as something I could be proud of an have people admire me for.
 
I've never met anyone I got to know with interests as me, so I have no idea how I find the capacity to just be me even though I fit in nowhere. I didn't expect I could ever be so strong.

I went to last years Manchester MCM alone and enjoyed it. I felt fine queueing for 40 mins on my own not talking to anyone as I did queueing for autographs and looking around stalls. I stroke up the odd convo but it never saw fruition, I never got to make friends. I feel I'm too old and past that kind of happiness now :(

You're so lucky to have a job that ties into a hobby :)

Hump day is over. Thank god! Cannot wait to do NOTHING all weekend. I'm potentially being shafted by my own bf val day though. Sh*t about him staying at his parentals the 13th and I dislike his parentals so there's a chance he's gona be there with them for most of val day which will leave me livid and wanting to dump his ass. I'm still clearly in pessimist mode I know, but at least I don't want to cry or feel helpless atm. Guess that'll come the next time things weigh to heavy and I breakdown lolol.

How are peoples weeks going?
 
Valentine's Day is a holiday invented solely by greeting card manufacturers to extort money from you. Do something special when you want to, not when society dictates that you should. Plus everything's so much cheaper afterwards anyway.
 
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