Random Question: Happiness

[ayase]

Personally however, I instinctively hate people who love themselves, as I see them as shallow braggarts and egotists who don't deserve the love they receive from others.

No. You're talking about a different kind of 'loving yourself', which is layman for narcissism or egotism.

The one AironicallyHuman is talking about is important for happiness. I believe loving yourself means being proud of who you are (warts and all), having conviction when you are doing things you like to do, and believing absolutely that you are a worthwhile being. When you are in that place, rich or poor, in total security or in deep ****, alone or in a crowd, you can cope with your situation.

Perhaps a better way to put it, then, is that if they're not being noticeably egotistical about it then I feel like they're deluding themselves. "Believing absolutely that you are a worthwhile being" is the part I have the most trouble with...

It's quite a problem; having love for no-one and nothing. No love means no passion, and without passion everything appears to be utterly pointless.

...because everything *is* utterly pointless. We come into existence for no reason, live lives without purpose, then cease to exist. It's no more complicated than that. Nothing we do is worthwhile. Any purpose we give life is in our own heads. If we haven't made it up ourselves, someone else has made it up for us to justify our existence.

...are you happy? And if you're not, how do you wish you could change your life to make you happy?

You sound like a therapist there (or that awful perpetual calender my dad got me last Christmas). And something therapists don't understand is that once you've seen life for what it is you have to cope with it being meaningless (in which case, you'll stay alive but you won't ever be happy). If you can't cope with it being meaningless, you either top yourself or go into denial and find a fictional purpose. Religion, having children and acquisition of power and wealth are popular choices. But cut down to it's most basic form, most people choose to believe in something. Something which there is actually no basis for believing in.

So in short, I think people who behave as though they love themselves (whether they really do or not) are prats. I think people who really do love themselves are deluded.

My hair is short (natural afro). And I love skinny jeans and men with thick, longish hair.

Putting the philosophising to one side for a minute, you doing anything Saturday night?

Intelligent, trouser-wearing, bossy women aren't appealing.

Oh yes they are.

 

[Aion]

Intelligent, trouser-wearing, bossy women aren't appealing.

Oh yes they are.

Only in fiction.

Horo, Urumi, Helena, Revy... FTW!

 

[Aion]

As my eyelid continues to pulsate, annoyingly, I just realized something else: it would seem toying with Vivian leads to these type of... discussions. On AP it was about her feminist views (men 'handling' little girls = bad; me ramble) getting in the way of her anime, and on here it's about being reborn as a man. Most odd.

I don't disagree that it's an issue of insecurity that causes the 'strong woman' phobia, and I can see why other women would hate the overly girly types because of them aiming to meet the expectations of men. But, hey: can't a guy be allowed to dream of a feminine woman who doesn't act like a man... CAN'T HE!?

Watching Ouran killed me a little, inside. I don't mind not believing in Santa, but THAT's taking it a bit too far, for me...

Now, I go do something with my eye of the annoying. Goodbye.

PS:

Aion's instinctive assumptions, based on first posts:

Roy = Man
Geek = Gay
Vivian = A new toy to play with

...I think my instincts are pretty accurate, to be perfectly honest with you all...

 

[Chaz]

Well, I think I'll give it a go here.

I think of my situation as being grateful for how my life has been so far, in terms of my upbringing and daily life. To be frank, I wouldn't ask for anything more, so I have been given a certain happiness.

In terms of relationships, I've not had much experience with it. To say that I'm probably the worst when it comes to that field wouldn't be far off. I've never dated or had any romance with anyone, so I cant say that loving a stranger gives me happiness. I just know I've never loved anyone like that.

As for friends, I have a critical view on that - kind of like the mindset of "friends come and go, but you cant choose family." (I'll talk about the later in a sec.) I have had so many people who are short term friends and then disappear, my enthusiasm to keep them withers thin. I dont think of many workmates in my life as friends, just people I cooperate with. So my circle of friends is small, but I appreciate them for sticking with me.

Finally, we have family. I can be mad at them, but I can never hate them. Blood is definately a factor for me, but also the fact I lived with the other members is important to me.

So yeah... I dont know if it gives you happiness knowing other people. Only when they truely mean something in your life can happiness be made.

And as for loving myself - I have things I'd like to be better in. I find it hard communicating my thoughts to others at times, whether it's just the way I see something or trying to find the best explaination.
But for my beliefs, conscious and personality, I feel comfortable with who I am. I like my individuality - I would be happier if things around me were a little less stressful.

 

[VivisQueen]

Ayase:

Your assessment of how worthiness is subjectively derived is like saying the sun rose this morning. It's bleedin' obvious. However, that makes no judgement about the quality of our lives. Of course, we could all cynically blather on about how its pointless and we are deluding ourselves etc OR we can say 'Wow, we have the intellectual capacity, the imagination, and most of all the freedom as human beings to impart whatever value we wish on our lives. It is up to us to make it what we want to make it.'

Just because the universe is likely accidental and random, it doesn't mean that it is irrational or wrong to decide to impart meaning onto it. Actually, it makes life so much more fun and interesting. After all, what we do or don't do makes no difference to the universe, but how we conceptualise our lives makes all the difference to us. So let's do ourselves a favour and make positive interpretations.

Finally, unlike therapists, I am genuinely interested in whether AironicallyHuman is happy. It's the 'wounded animal' spiel he's got going - gets me right here.

AironicallyHuman:

Vivian = A new toy to play with

Oh really? And there I thought you kept nattering on my profile because I amaze and intrigue you.

By the way, have I ever said you make my internet life happy? You may be a sexist racist tactless homophobe (and probably eat babies) but I always find something to chuckle at in your posts and you instigate highly involving discussion. And that **** is rare.

 

[sic vita est]

On the other hand, I certainly love myself.

I must admit that I cringed when I read that, despite the fact you qualified your use of the word earlier on in the post, because I believe someone cannot love themselves the way they would love a husband, wife or partner.

The act of falling in love, in the romantic sense, requres a certain degree of vulnerability which I think some otherwise happy people lack. So... I'm going to say that being confident and content in yourself is enough for happiness, but being in love with another is likely going to leave you even happier.

 

[VivisQueen]

On the other hand, I certainly love myself.

I must admit that I cringed when I read that, despite the fact you qualified your use of the word earlier on in the post, because I believe someone cannot love themselves the way they would love a husband, wife or partner.

Did you really read what I wrote? Because I said nothing about loving yourself like you love a husband, wife, or partner. Not once.

 

[Aion]

I am genuinely interested in whether AironicallyHuman is happy. It's the 'wounded animal' spiel he's got going - gets me right here.

Remember the whole maternal instincts thing, and how I said something along the lines of you refusing to accept that your true desire is to have a baby? Yes. I know these things about internet people.

If there's one thing all these romance stories have taught me, it's that - in the world of fiction - maternal instinct activators always win. And, oddly, it seems all you need to do on the net is act aggressive but troubled and there you go--IT WORKS!!! ********s FTW.

...Typing of romance, and linking into you starting Cross Game before Touch like the squirrel you are, this is my ideal 2D woman: http://myanimelist.net/character/11214/Minami_Asakura

Loyal to her true love - almost to the point of doormat status - but has more than enough wit and spunk to separate her from other creations of male minds. Cooks, cleans... but also puts the guy in his place and isn't easy. <3

...That useless, short-haired hoe from CG though... BRRRR. She might as well have a penis, 'cause she sure as hell acts like one.

 

[Aion]

PS: Vivian having an object of sexual desire, created to appease men who want to violate 14-year-old girls in their minds but dislike the idea of them not having boobs, as an avatar is somewhat amusing, under the circumstances. Yoko's servicing in TTGL and her easily falling for the manly man - since all ladies really need is a strong hunter to bring food home - highlights much of what's wrong with anime. (From the viewpoint of a feminist, that is - idc 'cause I'm a guy.)

Just thought I'd add that previously overlooked point.

 

[sic vita est]

Did you really read what I wrote? Because I said nothing about loving yourself like you love a husband, wife, or partner. Not once.

Yes, which is why I know we're just arguing semantics. I was simply pointing out that despite that, I feel the two states are so different that the same word shouldn't be used to describe them and was noting my strong reaction to it. You just happened to be the first person to give me that reaction in the thread.

I blame Aion for his leading phrasing in the initial question, like a Derren Brown of linguistics.

 

[VivisQueen]

Did you really read what I wrote? Because I said nothing about loving yourself like you love a husband, wife, or partner. Not once.

...I feel the two states are so different that the same word shouldn't be used to describe them....

Oh, I see. In which case, you might want to quickly email the English Language Police to fix the thousand other meanings and usages for love.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

Here's just a quote of a tiny part of what love can mean:

Because of the complex and abstract nature of love, discourse on love is commonly reduced to a thought-terminating cliché, and there are a number of common proverbs regarding love, from Virgil's "Love conquers all" to the Beatles' "All you need is love". St. Thomas Aquinas, following Aristotle, defines love as "to will the good of another." Bertrand Russell describes love as a condition of "absolute value," as opposed to relative value. Philosopher Gottfried Leibniz said that love is "to be delighted by the happiness of another."

Love is sometimes referred to as being the "international language", overriding cultural and linguistic divisions.

 

[Aion]

Not even "intelligent" women can makes comebacks against me. ;] (/CG **** face)

Also:

 

[Aion]

You're as sharp as ever, Stu: http://forums.animeuknews.net/viewtopic ... &&start=15

I thought my sweetheart, Vivian, had yet to read it, and I thought it'd be fitting for a discussion as educational as this. But I was horribly mistaken:

Strange. All the while, my predicament is how to get a husband who will like anime as much as I do but is not a sexist, insecure, illiterate, reclusive online freak with no experience of real-life women.

But thanks for the laughs, nonetheless, Aion.

I remember where all the hatred comes from, now. That unsightly bitch of bitches...

 

[VivisQueen]

I have no comeback for something spoken with truth and eloquence.

I'm still convinced yunfanz is you, by the way. I have never seen you two post in the same forum at the same time.

 

[sic vita est]

Did you really read what I wrote? Because I said nothing about loving yourself like you love a husband, wife, or partner. Not once.

...I feel the two states are so different that the same word shouldn't be used to describe them....

Oh, I see. In which case, you might want to quickly email the English Language Police to fix the thousand other meanings and usages for love.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

I've emailed the Chill Out Police: they were mildly shocked that this had escalated to quoting wikipedia. Wikipedia!

Honestly, I dont know where to begin (largely because I hope you're being playfully pedantic, but I'm not sure)... maybe I was too subtle, but I thought "I know we're just arguing semantics" was enough to make people aware I know about the other meanings of the word. "I feel" denotes that it's an opinion only, and "strong reaction" implies I'm aware mine was an instant, gut response and not a reasoned one.

I love (aha!) the way you imply I'm some kind of irrational being who feels any deviation from my personal usage of words renders the English language broken. The link you posted also refers to love as something one holds for another throughout, except for one bible quote. We're all free to use the word as we wish though, such is the democratic joy of language.

Aion, I remember you posting that lovely snippet from the MAL forums. It's a work of genius, deliberate or otherwise.

 

[Otaku-san]

Hey Guy's what's going on in this thread....

 

[VivisQueen]

Honestly, I dont know where to begin (largely because I hope you're being playfully pedantic, but I'm not sure)... maybe I was too subtle, but I thought "I know we're just arguing semantics" was enough to make people aware I know about the other meanings of the word. "I feel" denotes that it's an opinion only, and "strong reaction" implies I'm aware mine was an instant, gut response and not a reasoned one.

...

I love (aha!) the way you imply I'm some kind of irrational being who feels any deviation from my personal usage of words renders the English language broken. The link you posted also refers to love as something one holds for another throughout, except for one bible quote. We're all free to use the word as we wish though, such is the democratic joy of language.

Actually, that's exactly what I thought I was dealing with. Glad you cleared that up. We can agree to leave it at that.

 

[sic vita est]

Otaku-san: lolcat made me lol, thank you!

VivisQueen: good to see we both care about our language, and we can indeed agree to leave it at that.

On topic, I've been in a relationship when, in retrospect, I was in a pretty bad period of depression. It was still awesome, but could it have been more awesome if I'd been happier with myself at the time?

Now there are times when I can just hear certain music and it makes me hugely happy, which is where my orignal response was coming from. At the moment listening to Kate Bush's Running Up That Hill and Hounds Of Love is the key to happiness for me.

 

[Aion]

Honestly, I dont know where to begin (largely because I hope you're being playfully pedantic, but I'm not sure)... maybe I was too subtle, but I thought "I know we're just arguing semantics" was enough to make people aware I know about the other meanings of the word. "I feel" denotes that it's an opinion only, and "strong reaction" implies I'm aware mine was an instant, gut response and not a reasoned one.

...

I love (aha!) the way you imply I'm some kind of irrational being who feels any deviation from my personal usage of words renders the English language broken. The link you posted also refers to love as something one holds for another throughout, except for one bible quote. We're all free to use the word as we wish though, such is the democratic joy of language.

Actually, that's exactly what I thought I was dealing with. Glad you cleared that up. We can agree to leave it at that.