Random Question: Happiness
- Thread starter Aion
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sic vita est
Dandy Guy, in Space
What's love got to do with it?
That's not just a Tina Turner song, that's my actual response. I may need to elaborate on that a little later on.
That's not just a Tina Turner song, that's my actual response. I may need to elaborate on that a little later on.
Zin5ki
Railgun
I should wonder which reasons there are, if any, for either of these acts to be sufficient for happiness. It does not seem obvious that a person who loves somebody — their own self or otherwise — is ipso facto in a position to be happy. One could certainly say that the act of loving can, under favourable circumstances, aid one's assuming of a happy state of mind, though it would be highly speculative to make a bolder and more generalised claim than this.AironicallyHuman said:
Sparrowsabre7
Za Warudo
I think both are necessary to be truly happy. Unless you have no friends, in which case loving youself is sufficient.
ayase
State Alchemist
You can love other people and hate yourself, it just won't last long. Someone who hates themselves is not particularly likely to attract or hold onto the love of others. You won't be grateful or appreciative of their love because deep down, you don't believe you deserve it. So at first it would seem that you do indeed have to love yourself before you can love others.
Personally however, I instinctively hate people who love themselves, as I see them as shallow braggarts and egotists who don't deserve the love they receive from others. So where I believe that loving myself could lead to being loved, that would also entail becoming the kind of person I hate. Therefore I have stop hating them before I can stop hating myself.
Suck on that Dalai Lama.
Personally however, I instinctively hate people who love themselves, as I see them as shallow braggarts and egotists who don't deserve the love they receive from others. So where I believe that loving myself could lead to being loved, that would also entail becoming the kind of person I hate. Therefore I have stop hating them before I can stop hating myself.
Suck on that Dalai Lama.
Tachi
Mushi-shi
Personally?
i wouldn't say i feel much for myself per-say, i love others, my gf, family members and to an extent love friends as you would siblings. Spending time socialising and speding time together can lead to each other falling out or each other having a great time, no matter what happens or whats said, family will always love you.
I guess, for me, its that socialising and love that i get from others that makes me happy. but also that i give them equal amounts of my time and love which should make them happy.
true happiness is what you personally value. a man could have millions of pounds but still be unhappy because he has no true friends, they just want his money.
and again you can have a homeless person who has nothing but the clothes on his back and a bin on fire, surrounded by other homeless friends and feel happier than the alone rich guy.
i wouldn't say i feel much for myself per-say, i love others, my gf, family members and to an extent love friends as you would siblings. Spending time socialising and speding time together can lead to each other falling out or each other having a great time, no matter what happens or whats said, family will always love you.
I guess, for me, its that socialising and love that i get from others that makes me happy. but also that i give them equal amounts of my time and love which should make them happy.
true happiness is what you personally value. a man could have millions of pounds but still be unhappy because he has no true friends, they just want his money.
and again you can have a homeless person who has nothing but the clothes on his back and a bin on fire, surrounded by other homeless friends and feel happier than the alone rich guy.
Now...I read a dating book, once, that underscored--in frighteningly stentorian terms--that acting in a self-deprecatory manner is likely to deter others from warming to you.
But I could not love myself for having read such a tome. So I slept in a very cold room festooned with gaudy paper banners that night, and by the morning all was forgotten. :idea:
But I could not love myself for having read such a tome. So I slept in a very cold room festooned with gaudy paper banners that night, and by the morning all was forgotten. :idea:
VivisQueen
Adventurer
ayase said:
No. You're talking about a different kind of 'loving yourself', which is layman for narcissism or egotism.
The one AironicallyHuman is talking about is important for happiness. I believe loving yourself means being proud of who you are (warts and all), having conviction when you are doing things you like to do, and believing absolutely that you are a worthwhile being. When you are in that place, rich or poor, in total security or in deep ****, alone or in a crowd, you can cope with your situation.
If you love yourself you are emotionally free to love others fully.
Whether loving others is the key to happiness, I'm not sure. Some people love animals more than people, but I guess that's still a form of 'other'. I suppose as social creatures, humans feel a natural desire to want to be around other people, and I guess it makes us happier if we can emotionally connect with others in that powerful sense. Others can validate our sense of worth, or at least verify it through their reactions to us. But I'd take that as an unreliable guide.
Er... my personal experience is a lot of the former but less of the latter. I love others, but it's tiny number of family members. I don't love any man and don't think I ever have. And knowing I love them doesn't in itself make me feel anything except 'well, duh, she's my mum'. On the other hand, I certainly love myself. There are few people I'd ever want to be other than myself. I'm intelligent, average looking (so neither a handicap nor a particular blessing), articulate, outspoken, positive, confident, an achiever, have passions, and people respond positively to me wherever I find myself.
These are traits I have despite problems in my life, and I find difficulties strengthen rather than cripple me. So I love myself. And I find I'm happiest when I can say that quite confidently.
When I think of the days I'm not happy, it's usually because I feel I'm failing at something and see that as a reflection of my value. These are rare moments (once every six months) and I usually just talk myself out of them.
Aion
Time-Traveller
VivisQueen said:
This explains why you're so uptight and excited by me. It's all so clear, now...
As well as understanding my true meaning, your lack of modesty makes it seem like you don't understand, at the same time. You're nothing if not confusing... Oh well - it's better to be over-confident than not at all.
(This quote is also why you're having difficulty finding a mate, btw. Intelligent, trouser-wearing, bossy women aren't appealing. Have you thought about going for the shorter haired look and trying to find a more... feminine other half?)
It's quite a problem; having love for no-one and nothing. No love means no passion, and without passion everything appears to be utterly pointless. Not liking yourself means not having confidence in your own decisions or thoughts, and not liking others means looking down on them anyway and seeing only their worst qualities.
When you're not pushing yourself along for yourself or those around you, and there's little feeling in general, it makes me question what the point is. It's hard to define happiness when, in the context of myself, it's difficult to even understand how others can feel the emotion. To me, it's as foreign as other people are, in general.
...something just popped into my head: maybe I'm so moved by the idea of love because it's an emotion I've never felt, in any form. Maybe that's why I'm so inexplicably moved by those infuriating romance dramas that are made to toy with emotions.
/Aion; getting in the ££££ Christmas spirit, as per usual
VivisQueen
Adventurer
AironicallyHuman said:
1) My hair is short (natural afro). And I love skinny jeans and men with thick, longish hair. Maybe that answers your question.
2) If by lack of modesty, you're just saying that what you were really hoping for was some self-deprecating response from me to make you feel better, then I don't apologise. I am flawed, but in many ways, I am also quite awesome. I make no pretensions otherwise.
3) If that is how you feel, then simply accept yourself as such. Happiness doesn't mean being boundlessly ecstatic whatever you do and at all times. People can have long periods of apathy or misery, but the point is they have no reason to NOT live either. It may not be perfect, but I can assure you 100% of people's lives are not perfect in some way or other. It's pointless looking at others who apparently love themselves and love their family and wishing you felt the same way. Your life is different. Who knows, maybe you haven't had the right kinds of experiences in your life to love yourself or met the right kind of people (incl. your family, maybe?) to love others. Eh. You're nothing new.
And yeah, I'd imagine you enjoy romance because you haven't had it. It's all still a mystery and all that. Pretty straightforward psychology. So what? People do things for more banal reasons than that. Just enjoy the fact that you enjoy romantic stories.
By the way, I just this morning finished reading a book by Nick Hornby 'A Long Way Down'. The most hilarious novel about suicidal people with really **** lives I have ever read. They hate themselves, they hate the world, they are confused about everything, and they need really hilarious excuses to even continue on a day to day basis. I recommend it to everyone.
Aion
Time-Traveller
I sincerely hope your dream man/woman arrives on a white horsey to take you away (from me), one day.
Unless you pretend to view yourself in a more negative light, people will view you as arrogant. No-one likes it when a lowly woman/person in general attempts to build their own invisible wall between herself and others... Then again, no-one likes it when someone openly insults himself, either. Everything is balance.
Your personality is similar to mine in the sense you feel the need to throw in random put-downs when I made no claim to be an original typist, yet your thought process differs. It must be due to your lack of a penis. I feel you'd be much happier as a man - that way you'd be more accepted as you flaunted your... charms.
The novel you mentioned sounds/reads a lot like the suicide arc from NHK; another black comedy I'm pretty sure you've watched, or at least are aware of. (Note: I didn't say 'read' because you're a manga/light novel noob.) Because it was written by an actual reclusive Japanese person, Satou's character was funny to watch fail in spectacular fashion but painful, at the same time. Virtual cat girls are a no-no.
PS: I'll read your Masturbation Mater review whence next I update thy AP account. It's probably much too amateurish for mine eyes.
PS2: Since I can all but see into your soul, via your postings, you're not anything terribly new to me, either. You all look the same to me, tbh... (not racist)
Unless you pretend to view yourself in a more negative light, people will view you as arrogant. No-one likes it when a lowly woman/person in general attempts to build their own invisible wall between herself and others... Then again, no-one likes it when someone openly insults himself, either. Everything is balance.
Your personality is similar to mine in the sense you feel the need to throw in random put-downs when I made no claim to be an original typist, yet your thought process differs. It must be due to your lack of a penis. I feel you'd be much happier as a man - that way you'd be more accepted as you flaunted your... charms.
The novel you mentioned sounds/reads a lot like the suicide arc from NHK; another black comedy I'm pretty sure you've watched, or at least are aware of. (Note: I didn't say 'read' because you're a manga/light novel noob.) Because it was written by an actual reclusive Japanese person, Satou's character was funny to watch fail in spectacular fashion but painful, at the same time. Virtual cat girls are a no-no.
PS: I'll read your Masturbation Mater review whence next I update thy AP account. It's probably much too amateurish for mine eyes.
PS2: Since I can all but see into your soul, via your postings, you're not anything terribly new to me, either. You all look the same to me, tbh... (not racist)
VivisQueen
Adventurer
AironicallyHuman said:
Unfortunately for you, I am so happy and sure about my confidence in myself, that I don't care how people view it.
I don't walk around saying all day 'I am awesome, I am great, I love myself!' (although, when a thread pops up about whether loving yourself is key to happiness, I think it's more than appropriate to detail my personal experience).
I do, however, walk around believing it. And that makes all the difference to people enjoying my company and me making the most of both troubles and opportunities.
I believe that positive perception of oneself lies at the root of happiness. I choose to perceive myself in a glorious light. I visualise, therefore I am. That kind of thing.
And I don't ever feel the need to throw in random put-downs (nor have I?). That's you projecting onto me, darling. In terms of attitudes, we occupy two completely different universes.
Aion
Time-Traveller
Vivian, you're like how I'd be, if I were actually a confident/arrogant woman. Accept it and move on. Continuing to argue with me just proves how much love you hold for both yourself and your male self; me.
...actually, I'll let you think of it as an opposites attract deal. It's more romantic and appeasing you, that way.
My hand down Roy's trousers, deleted post Tachi? No; she's like a mother to me. (She told me you smell funny when we discussed you, iirc.)
Btw, here's the PM you sent me yesterday, with the best bit bolded:
...actually, I'll let you think of it as an opposites attract deal. It's more romantic and appeasing you, that way.
My hand down Roy's trousers, deleted post Tachi? No; she's like a mother to me. (She told me you smell funny when we discussed you, iirc.)
Btw, here's the PM you sent me yesterday, with the best bit bolded:
Tachi- said:
VivisQueen
Adventurer
AironicallyHuman said:
So, you agree with me that we're NOTHING alike?
Also, AironicallyHuman, are you happy? And if you're not, how do you wish you could change your life to make you happy?
This thread is now being watched with punishments ready, you two who are choosing to act as this thread's "arguing Neanderthals".
Ahem.
Vivi's avatar is really appropriate for her positive attitude on the original topic, isn't it?
Strangely enough, I have to lend support to VivisQueen's position here that my potential lack of appeal to males has never particularly worried me in life. This is always a facepalm-worthy issue when reading threads where [usually] men talk about their attraction to women, as though we are meant to be trying hard to be pretty and coy to appeal to people.
To put it another way, women who try to be appealing generally come off as annoying and weak to other women. Similarly, needy men are not usually attractive. Intelligent, trouser-wearing, bossy women are the best type - to people who aren't insecure themselves.
The needy are the ones who are meant to go out of their way to attract the needed, so people worried about strong women probably just need to make more effort themselves to become self-assured themselves.
R
Ahem.
Vivi's avatar is really appropriate for her positive attitude on the original topic, isn't it?
Strangely enough, I have to lend support to VivisQueen's position here that my potential lack of appeal to males has never particularly worried me in life. This is always a facepalm-worthy issue when reading threads where [usually] men talk about their attraction to women, as though we are meant to be trying hard to be pretty and coy to appeal to people.
To put it another way, women who try to be appealing generally come off as annoying and weak to other women. Similarly, needy men are not usually attractive. Intelligent, trouser-wearing, bossy women are the best type - to people who aren't insecure themselves.
The needy are the ones who are meant to go out of their way to attract the needed, so people worried about strong women probably just need to make more effort themselves to become self-assured themselves.
R
Aion
Time-Traveller
Y'know, for such an "intelligent" woman, your complete lack of ability to read between the lines is most perplexing, my sweet Vivian. It's as if you NEED me to explain everything to you.
To answer your question, my answer is probably the same as yours: to reborn as another (more manly) man. Or a dog; they have it easy and can mate without the need of foreplay. Dogs are cool.
We're alike but not alike. You exude confidence; I'm the opposite. But, low/high confidence aside, our base personalities seem to conflict on the net because of how we go about things; arguing playfully without jumping the gun and going to the extremes of manliness. I noted this from an early point as I continued to annoy you, for I am perceptive.
And Roy, a woman with gender confusion isn't the best person to go on the defensive for another woman when I'm suggesting that, with a strap-on, she'd be more manly than a good many actual men. Just pointing that out. (Even Tachi noted that you wear trousers.)
I don't buy into how people should and shouldn't act, based on their gender. It's outdated for that kind of sexism to be used in a serious manner, which is why "GB TO TEH KITCHEN!" is now only used jokingly. But there is one truth: men hate being beaten by those of the fairer sex; viewing it as an insult. This means intelligent women = scary.
To answer your question, my answer is probably the same as yours: to reborn as another (more manly) man. Or a dog; they have it easy and can mate without the need of foreplay. Dogs are cool.
We're alike but not alike. You exude confidence; I'm the opposite. But, low/high confidence aside, our base personalities seem to conflict on the net because of how we go about things; arguing playfully without jumping the gun and going to the extremes of manliness. I noted this from an early point as I continued to annoy you, for I am perceptive.
And Roy, a woman with gender confusion isn't the best person to go on the defensive for another woman when I'm suggesting that, with a strap-on, she'd be more manly than a good many actual men. Just pointing that out. (Even Tachi noted that you wear trousers.)
I don't buy into how people should and shouldn't act, based on their gender. It's outdated for that kind of sexism to be used in a serious manner, which is why "GB TO TEH KITCHEN!" is now only used jokingly. But there is one truth: men hate being beaten by those of the fairer sex; viewing it as an insult. This means intelligent women = scary.