I'm the f*cking Fixxer.

My computer broke and then I dropped it down the well, so I got the spade but I slipped. The spade hit me in the face and threw me down the well too. So I got the led lights from my pc and shone the batman sign into the sky. Batman came and rescued me and took me back home. But then I slipped on a icecube and broke my ribs - What do I do?!
 
Will-O'-The-Wisp said:
There's a chainsaw stuck in the side of my head.

What do I do??
Click to expand...

Get a friend, or better yet a blood relative- to smash a meat cleaver into your chest.

Your chainsaw conundrum will be off your mind within seconds.

Next.
 
Yagami said:
My computer broke and then I dropped it down the well, so I got the spade but I slipped. The spade hit me in the face and threw me down the well too. So I got the led lights from my pc and shone the batman sign into the sky. Batman came and rescued me and took me back home. But then I slipped on a icecube and broke my ribs - What do I do?!
Click to expand...

I find it hard to believe that you fell on an icecube.

Legitimate problems ONLY.

Next.
 
Okay, so a few months ago, utorrent ceased to work... at all. I did everything I could that would normally cause well seeded torrents to stall unexpectedly;

1. Forwarding ports to the designated client ports
2. restoring factory router settings (easy enough)
3. Roaring profanities

Still- no dice. Never had a client problem which could not be resolved through the above fixes, and now this problem seems to have translated over to BitComet.

As far as generaly connectivity goes, I can connect to the net fine, access all other online applications, MSN, Ares, Googletalk, and all the AV stuff is kicking ass connection-wise, but still the torrent client issue.

help me obi wan kanobi, ur my only hope
 
Before I go to bed there is a...slight anticipation coupled with dread trepidation.
I wake up every night in a cold sweat screaming as the time draws nearer. I cringe alittle before I doze off again with my thumb stuck in my mouth. When it is time to finally wake up, nausea consumes me. My senses are blasted in a rapid spiral where I have...have fainted >_>. When I come around again I feeling foolish and ashamed whilst rocking back and forth feverishly.
Then it happened. I hear the keys rattling just beyond, but it rattles my very core. You could feel the slightly disturbed air pressure from the outer front door once it has been breeched.
The rattling noise from the keys occurs again to open up the main front door. By this time I'm seriously parched with thirst. Blindling light smothers the form addressing me. "No! this cannot be...not again" I thought. The door finally shuts with a heavy sighing thud. Its her, aka Diamonds and Pearls (exclusively), aka Man Destroyer, aka Credit Card Muncher, aka Cheque book and pen, aka The Dame who does not shop til she drops, but only one name will suffice the true meaning of it all and its nature. The Wife.

Without fail she makes it home everyday, without fail she greet me as "schnookums, teddy puff, honey bear and baby buff" to name but a few before I vomit my self into oblivion.

Help? pleeaasssee.

Your biggest fan, Stan

Ps I love your album it the shwizzle to die for!
 
I've been in a zombie like state for the past 16 hours, hence the not replying and all.

I shall relieve you all of your problems with one word:

FIRE.
 
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I was getting ready to go out to town, but then I said to my parents "meh, i'm not bothered about going" then they said "don't you want any new jeans?" then I said "ok then, i've changed my mind - i'll come". So I went upstairs to get a jacket, I come down, and everyone has vanished.. and so has their car >_>.

So, when will they be back? And what do I say to them when they come back? Do I rage or stay quiet? And if I stay quiet, when they say "why didn't you come?" what do I say?
 
Yagami said:
I was getting ready to go out to town, but then I said to my parents "meh, i'm not bothered about going" then they said "don't you want any new jeans?" then I said "ok then, i've changed my mind - i'll come". So I went upstairs to get a jacket, I come down, and everyone has vanished.. and so has their car >_>.

So, when will they be back? And what do I say to them when they come back? Do I rage or stay quiet? And if I stay quiet, when they say "why didn't you come?" what do I say?
Click to expand...

Your parents have abandoned you.

I'm sorry son.
 
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