Advice!!

C

CharMangaTastic

Completely Average High School Student
right can I ask some advice?

someone I used to consider my best friend has being getting abuse from ppl on various networkin sites like fb, formspring etc and for some reason her mum thinks that its me and has told me I'm no friend to her daugther and I can basically eff off! (baring in mind my friend has had a baby and is ready to have another & I have had my own personally things happening & she hasn't been there when I needed her)

now my "friend" is bein all nicey to me and will have defo seen these posts her mum has said as they will have popped up as notifications on her profile but hasn't apologised or told her mum its not me.....

I have no idea what has been said to her by who as she deleted them and never talks to me about it.

I will be brief in saying she has a lot of issues.

I have tried my hardest to be her friend but I'm finding it difficult cos I dunno whats safe to say around her spesh with her mum.

would it be best if I avoided her but just kept up friendly appearances to avoid anymore hassle?

I know this has basically turned into a rant but I need to let my feelings out on a site I know her mum won't be looking on.



CharMangaTastic <3
 
The colour hurt my eyes....
CharMangaTastic said:
I have no idea what has been said to her by who as she deleted them and never talks to me about it.
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My standard attitude is talk it over and get it sorted. If talking doesn't work, I'd just walk away.

CharMangaTastic said:
I will be brief in saying she has a lot of issues.
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If she's the kind who likes to play victim, I would just say "can I be brutally honest?" and then start listing what I think she does wrong and how to do better (if I know how to, of course). If I don't know better myself, might just walk away as well.

CharMangaTastic said:
I have tried my hardest to be her friend but I'm finding it difficult cos I dunno whats safe to say around her spesh with her mum.

would it be best if I avoided her but just kept up friendly appearances to avoid anymore hassle?
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The harder you try, the easier it will be for them to take you for granted. Some people you can't offer a hand and they will want your whole arm...
If she's this sort of people walk away.

CharMangaTastic said:
I know this has basically turned into a rant but I need to let my feelings out on a site I know her mum won't be looking on.
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That's cool, but how can you be sure it wasn't me who told her mum about you? =P

Anyway, from the little you say, I'd just walk away, but then again, I'm not a very forgiving person.

See what's suits you better. Do not lack with respect with them, but perhaps just engage in light, uncommited conversation about the weather with them.
 
Chaos gives solid advice, I'm a very forgiving person so I'd say go for talking it out, but some battles you just can't win, so as you say maybe settling for just being acquaintances who exchange niceties but little more.

It all depends on how much you value you her as a friend and how she treats you as a friend. Based on your feelings about these things I think you should do what feels like the best solution for everyone involved.
 
Talk to your friend, tell her that her mum's having a go at you and see what she says, either she'll try to stop her mum or not.

Depending on how that turns out the best thing to do might just be to leave the friendship alone for a while. If you've both got issues to deal with (Her with her pregnancy/baby, and you mentioned personal issues) you should just back off and leave it until you've got the time to sort it out.
 
Well it really depends how much you want to be her friend and how much she wants to be yours. Don't let the mum issue get in the way. Parents can think what they want but you two are both old enough to make your own choices.

I'm surprised she doesn't correct her mum though if you are close friends, which is troubling. You say:

"I dunno whats safe to say around her spesh with her mum. "

Well again it doesn't matter. She isn't her mum, she is what is important not her mum. Just talk straight around her. Talk to your friend about her mum, tell her that she needs to tell her mum that your are not the one who has been causing any of the trouble, at all.

If your friend is pushing you away all the time then it might be best to walk away because friendship cannot be a one way street.
 
I'd have to agree with Jiindama on this one. It may be difficult to do, but the best thing is to make sure you have some free time and have a one to one with your frined.

Talk to her about her mom and find out why she hadn't been defending you. It may all turn out to be a chain of misunderstandings or it might end up being something you'd rather not hear.

Either way, you'll know where you both stand and you can move on. Direct may not be the most popular desicion, but it's the best and quickest way of ressolving your issues imo.
 
Oh wow, we have another Spyro. lol. :p Rants are more than welcome here.

I can't help but think there's some reason for the mother being so confrontational to you, as Asdrubael begins to point out. If your friend values you, she would ignore her mother and believe whatever you say - surely? The best way to sort out the whole ordeal actually seems to be, as Voddas and others have said, by being direct (in RL) and by yourselves. The issue with the mother seems to be apart of a conversation that needs to happen between your friend and her mother, not you.

Then again, if you can avoid without any repercussions... that isn't an awfully awful idea. I know pushing things under a rug can be bad, but it might just be swept away after a while.
 
I think its because her mum is looking for someone to blame for not having a go at these ppl for giving her "abuse" but at the end of the day while she is my friend its not my place to just dive into something I dont know the full story of especially if she has brought it all on herself.

Her mum should know I would be there for her spesh when her mum "kicked" her out last year and I made sure she got to her bfs okay (I won't put the details cos its too much of a complicated mess lets just say its the who my friend havin issues again)

I think its defo best I just avoid her but if I see her be nice cos her and her mum have a weird relationship where they treat each other like best buds rather than mother and daugther

She is defo someone though that you can't give any critisim to cos she just turns it in to you are saying nasty things about her and twists what you have said so her mum will get mad and think that she can get police involved.

You are all probably think what the hell are you doing friends with such a crazy person but the truth is when I first met her she wasn't this bad and also I'm a soft touch and feel sorry for people easy. (well so my bf says)

CharMangaTastic <3
 
haha.

this made me really laugh.

her mum is there telling all these young girls to **** off and that they bad friends to her daugther but she has just dropped us all completely

i mean i know she has babies but surely she could spare a few hours to hang out bring the kids lol

CharMangaTastic <3
 
What's ironic is that me and my finacee have been in a similar tussle with one of her friends, and they got their mum involved as well (and they also pretended not to know anything their mother sent us or told us...that backfired in a huge way). As far as advice goes, i say give talking a shot then walk away, unfortunatly for some people, they need to have drama in their lives, drama things like this gives off. Best way to deal with it is just to ignore them and get on with your own life. You sound like a nice person so in the end the only one losing out will be your friend if nothing changes.

In the end with our thing though, the girl lost out, and lost all her friends in one blow because of her selfish, egotistical, self-centred attitude. Of course she couldn't accept losing, then proceed to send 50 messages and 20 miscalls (after all answering them would be giving her what she wanted) in the space of 6 hours , no surprise we threatened her with harrassement. Good times eh?
 
I think the best thing is I walk away cos I dunno what I could get mixed up in if she likes to cause drama for attention.

Her mum should start acting like a grown up and stop harrassing her friends cos its not fair spesh when I haven't done anything.

Ahhhh well as you said Black Wolf its her loss!

Thanks for the advice guys and girls, but this girl is really hard to talk to and thinks you are being bitchy with her whenever you say anything, so I think I will stick to being nice but avoiding her if poss to keep it friendly.

CharMangaTastic <3
 
well, best to leave her to her own devices then if she can't take constructive criticism. She'll learn the hard way.

@QueensVivi - Aion has better grammar
 
Hey u want my advice?

If you can't talk to either of them, what's the point of trying? U need her to tell mum that you're OK, if it's bothering you.

Is she ready to do that or not? You're done your best otherwise.
 
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