Anime diseases

Dai

Dai

Death Scythe
There are certain diseases that only seem to exist in anime and related media, so I thought it might be interesting to list them. Here's what I have so far:

The Anime Cold
Perhaps the best-known condition, the Anime Cold differs from the common cold in several distinct ways. This virus is carried by every drop of water in Japan, and is rapidly absorbed into the body when it comes in contact with with skin or clothes. Curiously, even bottled water contains the virus, though it only becomes infectious when poured onto the skin rather than when ingested. Once inside the body, the virus incubates for around 12 hours, then manifests as a high fever and persistent cough. These symptoms last for 24 hours and then disappear completely. During the symptomatic period, the infected person is only able to transmit the disease to others while they are lying in bed. Anyone who enters the infected person's bedroom during this time stands a high chance of contracting the Anime Cold, with the rate of transmission approaching 100% if unrequited romantic feelings are involved.

Protagonist Parental Death Syndrome
This fatal condition has a 95% chance of striking down at least one of an anime protagonist's parents before their first year of high school. Poorly understood, there is often no discernable cause of death, even if the sufferer had been hospitalised for years prior. In many cases, which parent is struck down can seem arbitrary, but any parent who is proficient at a sport or other competitive activity is almost 100% predisposed to an untimely death.

Super-Dimensional Tapeworm
This condition is rarely recognised for what it is, but is especially common among Shonen Jump protagonists. The sufferer is usually parasitised by the tapeworm at a young age, resulting in them having an insatiable appetite for the rest of the lives. The tell-tale sign of the Super-Dimensional Tapeworm is the host's ability to consume several times their body weight in one sitting without gaining weight. This is a result of the parasite's rear end extending through a microscopic Tannhauser Gate, where it evacuates waste byproducts into a vast tract of hyperspace.

Love Dementia
This condition renders an anime character incapable of recognising another person's feeling for them, regardless of how obvious the signs are or how many other people state the obvious. In especially serious cases, the sufferer may remain oblivious in the face of a direct and clearly-worded love confession. This chronic condition has a small chance of resolving in the final year of high school, but can often persist long after.

Can you think of any others?
 
If there’s no coughing up of blood involved, it’s not a real illness.

Also anatomies are different in anime in that a punch to the gut causes unconsciousness, especially in females.
 
Dai said:
Can you think of any others?
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(The original concept for this is inspired by something I read, but the name and description are my own.)

Moe Sickness Syndrome
Identified by journals such as NEO magazine in their 2013 review of Appleseed XIII, Moe Sickness Syndrome is an illness which afflicts mostly girls, first striking in early childhood. The disease leaves patients in a condition where they are constantly in and out of hospital for only a vaguely defined reason, finally becoming bedridden some time before their debut in the show. There are none of the outwardly visible symptoms that one might expect from a condition of this nature, such as a sickly pallor, gauntness or a look of general fatigue, and on the contrary patients will have a bright and cheerful appearance in the face of their adversity, coupled with a fatalistic acceptance of their situation. As the illness persists, it will typically lead to a subplot of melancholic tone, which normally manifests feelings of protectiveness (or moe) in the audience.

In cases where the disease continues into the patient's teenage years, it is typically the sufferer's osananajimi (childhood friend) that will be the one to visit every day in hospital as they hope earnestly for the discovery of a cure. [See also "visual novel".]
 
Mass Love Blindness
A form of mass delusion whereby a group of strong independently minded women will, one by one, succumb to a dangerous obsessive lust towards an absolute ass hat of a man. Symptoms include bickering and 1-up-manship over who gets the most attention from said tool. At its worst it can lead to destructive physical violence within the group. Scientists believe it may be a form of rabies.
 
I'm not witty enough for a write-up but I've always thought that a disproportionate number of mundane injuries seem to end up with the victim lying in hospital with an eyepatch and head bandage, even when they just tripped and twisted an ankle or some other unrelated body part.

R
 
Nice thread. One thing I've started noticing, though I'm honestly not sure if it's just my imagination 😅, is that whenever a character awakens after being unconscious for some time and the conversation goes like:
- "You're finally awake"
- "How long has it been?"
Then it's practically always "three days" not a day more or less.
 
Rui said:
I'm not witty enough for a write-up but I've always thought that a disproportionate number of mundane injuries seem to end up with the victim lying in hospital with an eyepatch and head bandage, even when they just tripped and twisted an ankle or some other unrelated body part.

R
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That's could be described as I'm Rei-lly hurt you know!

IdiomaticLynx said:
Nice thread. One thing I've started noticing, though I'm honestly not sure if it's just my imagination 😅, is that whenever a character awakens after being unconscious for some time and the conversation goes like:
- "You're finally awake"
- "How long has it been?"
Then it's practically always "three days" not a day more or less.
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Napping Beauty


This thread is a lot of fun!
 
Dermatological Noseplasteritis
This skin condition is frequently mistaken for a small sticking plaster across the bridge of a person's nose, but is actually a type of wart. Sufferers are typically 10-year-old boys who wear a baseball cap and shorts, lead a gang of three or four children, and have an aggressive, tsundere-type disposition towards protagonists of sports or martial arts anime. This condition was especially prevalent from the 1970s to 1990s, but has been in decline during the 21st Century.

Though not a disease, it's worth taking a moment to consider the School Nurse's Office. This mysterious medical facility can be found at every Japanese school, and is the first port of call for any and all conditions ranging from blunt-force trauma to demonic possession. Curiously, there have been few reported sightings of a school nurse in the office since the 1980s, with most situations finding students digging around in cupboards for unlabelled bottles and random medical instruments with which to administer first aid to their fellow students. This is ultimately unproductive, as most maladies can be cured by briefly napping on one of the office beds. This may in fact be why the school nurse has become surplus to requirements.
 
RadFemHedonist said:
I half expected this to have been written by @Doctorkev 😂 😂 😂
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Roseatricho-Schizo-Yanderosis
Terminal murderous derangement contracted mainly by pink-haired anime girls who develop unhealthy, obsessive attachments to otherwise unremarkable (perhaps even boring) protagonist-type characters. Symptoms include wide, staring, unblinking eyes, pupillary dilatation, obscene muscular strength, the ability to smell rival females from over 50km distance, predisposition to incredibly destructive feats of violence, obsessional and compulsive thoughts, pathological jealousy, proficiency in use of a wide variety of murder weapons. May be triggered by past experience of trauma or abuse. It is unclear whether the pink hair is a symptom or a predisposing factor.

Mysterious Anime Blood Disease (either crypto-haemoptysis or crypto-haematemesis)
Manifests only in anime characters Fated For Immediate Tragic Death. Typically a character will randomly cough or vomit blood, a sure harbinger of impeding expiration. Usually no other symptoms, though can also manifest alongside unhealthy pallor and Plot Disposability. No microbiological or pathological causes have been identified. No known anime characters have survived even a single episode of of this rapidly terminal illness.
 
Acute Ecchi Anime Fever (closely related to the above Anime Cold)
Typically acute-onset raging fever in young, busty female, usually inexplicably caused by getting wet in the rain, associated with complete loss of motor function, incoherent moaning and inability to perform even basic self-care tasks such as self-administration of antipyretics. Mandatory treatment includes young, inexperienced (probably boring) male main character stripping young female naked, mopping the sweat from her febrile body (works better if he removes and uses his own shirt), and inserting rectal paracetamol with his bare finger because god forbid there are any oral medications in the medicine cupboard. Bonus efficacy if the female is his stepsister/real sister/teacher/other deeply inappropriate person to be horrifyingly intimate with.
 
This thread is hilarious, nice one Dai! And I too expected Doctorkev to have started this but some great additions from him and everyone else. I don't have the same level of wit or imagination so shall bring the level down with the following (sorry everyone):

Missingparentitis - this one's different in that it's an empowering chronic condition whereby a child/siblings develop/s superior self-care skills far beyond their peers secondary to a long-standing lack of adult supervision; complications include an increased susceptibility to parasitosis (usually ineffectual peers from the opposite gender) & SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) - the latter is unrecognised in the medium as the poor sods developing this complication simply do not live long enough to become protagonists in an an anime. Also closely related to ineptparentitis.


Couldn'tbearsedtothinkofanoriginalplotdeviceilia (sorry but I did warn you)- trauma caused by the infamous truck-kun
 
Spontanious Amnesia Similar to actual amnesia which results in complete memory loss. Spontanious Amnesia has two key differences. The first is that it will develope in anime characters for barely any discernable reason, and the second is that unlike genuine amnesia the patients memories can return after vaguely determined conditions are met as set out by a medical professional. Romantic interests are heavily susceptible to this disease due to continuous close proximity to a protagonist.
 
Tomino's Labu-labu Syndrome
This dangerous condition manifests in any individuals who fall in love in a Yoshiyuki Tomino anime. The interaction between the pheromones of the two individuals causes erosion of the plot armour layer of the epidermis, and increases the electro-magnetic field of their bodies to the point that bullets and explosive devices are drawn towards them. The condition typically becomes fatal within three episodes, but may be as little as one episode depending on Tomino's mood.

Hypnotised Eye Disorder
This condition affects anime characters who have been hypnotised or forceably deprived of emotion, resulting in the eyes losing their reflective properties and the disappearance of the pupils. One of the less serious anime diseases, it is immediately cured once the individual resumes normal mental function. No eye drops required.

Vibrating Eye Disorder
Not to be confused with the above, this is a more common and persistent condition that affects anime characters during any time of emotional reaction, causing their eyes to vibrate for several seconds. This may be just the iris or, in more extreme cases, the entire eye socket (the biomechanics of the latter are poorly understood). The disorder is especially common in low-budget anime, where the vibrating eyes may be the only facial motion the individual is capable of aside from opening their mouth to speak. Treatment is often prohibitively expensive, as it requires raising the anime's budget to the point where actual facial expressions can be animated.
 
Anatomical Schizophrenic Chibicosis is that anime disease that physically affects the entire body, almost instantly turning characters into chibi forms of themselves. Thankfully it is usually short-lived, generally lasting only 3-10 seconds. There is no incubation period for this disease; symptoms can occur repeatedly and without warning, and are usually brought on by bouts of stress or strong emotions. There currently is no cure for this condition except to avoid becoming a character in any romantic comedy anime. Also known as Kiminotodoki Syndrome.
 
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Non-athlete's Foot
This hereditary condition afflicts almost every anime girl, making it impossible for them to run without falling over. The only known cure is to join the high school track team. Some sufferers have been known to go into temporary remission while participating in the sports day relay, but this is unreliable. Temporary relief can be gained by running with a slice of toast in their mouth, but this only replaces the risk of falling with the inevitability of colliding with their future love interest.
 
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