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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Vashdaman" data-source="post: 610934" data-attributes="member: 246">I also really want to say I enjoyed the recent posts in this thread, a lot of it is definitely relatable, and I think you smashed it with your observation about " the people who seem to be best at socialisation are actually kind of bad at it", Rui. Really wonderfully put.Yeah I've found it hard to find people in life with whom I feel I can be completely honestly myself with. But it's partly because I've always felt in some weird middle ground. I want to be able to be completely honest with people, I mean like so I can share my struggles and joys, not only just the highpoints but the low ones too and everything in between. And I'm also pretty serious too I think and seem to enjoy talking about many serious subjects that others simply find boring, and it's always gutting to see someone's eyes mist over while you are in the midst of what you thought was a genuinely interesting thought that they might appreciate too, or even worse when it's important piece of yourself or history.But at the same time, I can't help feeling I'm a bit of simpleton. I mean, I love the deep and complex subjects, but it's the small simple things in life that make me happy, and I am stupidly straight forward and easy to understand haha. It don't think it's a bad thing, but I don't think many people exactly find it exciting or sexy. Maybe a part of it is that while I'm undiagnosed I suspect on I'm on the autism spectrum, I first thought of it when a dyslexia tester told me she thought it worth my while to get tested for autism, and while I didn't get tested over the years I've realised it's likely. Like for example, something I've realised recently is how formulaic I am, once I get into certain patterns I feel comfortable with I simply don't break them, especially socially. If I am messaging someone regularly, all my messages tend to follow the same structure, of course the content will be different, but the structure and flow is the same, even the phrases I use will be the same, and I'll just happily keep it going. In the same way I was always the one who kept a joke going for too long until it gets boring for everyone else. I always thought these were just endearing quirks about myself, and well I guess hopefully they are, but it might be something deeper.I do hope I am pleasantly surprising too, and I do actually like to surprise people in nice ways, but yeah I think I'm reliable and consistent more than I am exciting. However some exciting news is that I've completely fallen in love with someone. And the best part is that I think she feels just as I feel. I've never experienced anything this wonderful before, so far it's been completely reciprocal and mutual and just totally magical. As readers of these thread may know, I've had my fair share of disappointment and let downs in life, but this connection and love I've found is like a miracle, I really feel deeply we fit in a way I didn't think was possible before I met her. We've known each other for about a little over two and a half months, she lives in Japan, we message everyday sending long messages but also managing send goodnight/good morning messages too despite the time difference. We talk about literally everything and anything, I mean my messages would be too long (they are like daily mini essays!) for most native speakers of English to enjoy let alone someone for whom it's a second language, but she really enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers. And I love hers, so so much! She is clever and funny and thoughtful and kind and down to earth and incredibly sincere, and she just fills my heart with peace and happiness. We are totally a couple and send each other love everyday and are making plans of all the things we will do when together. She knows I'm just waiting for Japan to open up and I'll be there. We also write each other actual mini essays too, like film reviews and things, it's so great! I write her one every week in Japanese. I pinch myself all the time, I can't believe I've met the wonderful person in the world and she likes me too. I hope she doesn't ever get bored of me.</blockquote>

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