How do I improve my OK Cupid profile

I

Invisible Crane

Adventurer
I had no idea where to ask this so I thought I'd do it here. Long story short I've been on OK Cupid since 2009, but have never had any luck at all on it. It's one thing talking to other people on it (btw I'm not asking for advice on that) but no one ever seems to notice my profile

Here it is btw http://www.okcupid.com/profile/icgrant

Is there anything I could change on it that would improve my chances of finally finding someone...I've never ever had a GF before and OKC is my only chance right now
 
The link goes to the clicker's profile page (or nowhere for me) rather than to yours, I'm afraid!

R
 
On a whim, I suggest that you woo potential matches by proclaiming a proficiency in Esperanto. (I myself can speak the language like a native.)
 
Erm, I've never used an dating site before so don't really know a lot about them and whatnot, but since you've asked for advice I definitely think there are at least a couple of ways you could improve that profile. First of all, I'm not sure the line "hope you like garlic, bitches" is really a good way to sell your cooking skills, so getting rid of that would be a good idea. I'm also not too sure about how appealing the story of you peeing yourself at a bar is, so I'd get rid of that too. I think a general spruce up of the grammer and spelling could also help, so try and avoid using terms like "cause" ect.

Talking more about your passions and coming across as more confident would probably also help, I would imagine.
 
I second the suggestion to give the whole thing a proof read for spelling/grammar. There was an analysis done (I believe by that very site) some time ago which revealed that profiles with poor English got far fewer messages than profiles by people who took the time to present themselves well.

Your job is 'other' and you don't mention anywhere anything you do other than socialising and playing games. Perhaps you do play games all day, every day, but if not I think a line or two to that effect might be good. It's a red flag to a potential mate if the person they're looking at isn't employed or in education, but even if you're not you can easily compensate for this by describing what you are doing in an enthusiastic way (e.g. looking for a job doing this or that, or learning something in your free time, or just taking some time out between other things). So long as you're driven by something, people will be satisfied.

The shy feel is ok from my perspective, but otherwise I pretty much agree with all of vash's points.

As a personal note, it's a bit off-putting that your profile says you are 27 but you only want girls who are younger than you. Even if you really do, widening the gap a little on the surface might encourage some of the girls in your ideal range to come forwards.

Also, your ink is really cool, but maybe cropping the picture to remove the nipple (it feels a little forward to me) or using one with your face as well as the tattoo might encourage people. Otherwise at first glance it looks as though you have something to hide. If you're deliberately hiding your face to avoid people you know or something, that's fine, but you may have to start taking the first steps to get noticed that way.

R
 
You're a braver man than I to post something like this here, that's for sure.

I think in addition to Vash's sensible comments it would be beneficial to state what qualities you look for in a partner in the final section. If you don't do that then it's going to be difficult for people to know whether to approach you or not. Currently reading that profile and asking the question "what does this guy want?" yields only the reply "a woman". Join the club. I think the important question is what kind of woman are you looking for?

It's a red flag to a potential mate if the person they're looking at isn't employed or in education, but even if you're not you can easily compensate for this by describing what you are doing in an enthusiastic way (e.g. looking for a job doing this or that, or learning something in your free time, or just taking some time out between other things). So long as you're driven by something, people will be satisfied.
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If you want to attract people who are looking for practical things like stability and security then by all means, yes. I've always been of the opinion that anyone whose love is conditional on such things can go take a running jump.
 
I agree with Rui on that one, though. People will want to know what your profession is, or more importantly what goals you are aiming in regards to this. It's not just for stability reasons but could also help someone to figure out what kind of person you are, to an extent. And like Rui mentioned, even if your not sure what direction exactly you want to go in, try to focus on other passions or interesting activities your using to fill your days with (perhaps aside from just games).

Also have to co-sign the sentiments on the nipple pic. And yeah, if your on a dating site, I guess you might as well go all the way and post a properly representative pic. I imagine some may be wary of dealing with people who wont show what they look like.
 
Would you judge someone's worth as a romantic partner based on their profession / education or lack of vash? I know I wouldn't. Focus on saying good rather than negative things, definitely. But to require someone to be a motivated, driven individual to be worthy of being loved frankly strikes me as a little bit shallow.

Just seeing it put like that made me think about what I would say about how I spend my time if was being honest. Probably "I continue to exist for no particular reason, as I was brought into existence not of my own volition and much of the time find it a preferable alternative to not existing". Needless to say I don't tend to get the girls. But then if they care about that kind of stuff then I don't particularly want them.
 
Rui said:
Also, your ink is really cool, but maybe cropping the picture to remove the nipple (it feels a little forward to me) or using one with your face as well as the tattoo might encourage people. Otherwise at first glance it looks as though you have something to hide. If you're deliberately hiding your face to avoid people you know or something, that's fine, but you may have to start taking the first steps to get noticed that way.
R
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I'm not doing it to hide my face, that's how it was taken. I just got the tattoo that day and wanted to good clear shot of it, I have plenty of other photos of me...maybe I'll add some more if that helps
 
ayase said:
Just seeing it put like that made me think about what I would say about how I spend my time if was being honest. Probably "I continue to exist for no particular reason, as I was brought into existence not of my own volition and much of the time find it a preferable alternative to not existing".
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Oh, that would be fine too. So long as the matter is addressed somewhere, even jokingly, it looks better. It's just when it is obviously skirted around (probably by accident) it leaves me thinking the worst.

My own job is lame and I have no education to speak of, but I'd definitely include a comment somewhere that I work (or want to work if I was unemployed) to show that I'm not just looking for someone to look after me for the rest of my life. What the job (or other activity) is doesn't matter, but looking independent, even in a lame way, is hugely appealing.

(Of course if you are just looking to be a kept man then that's fine, but that should probably be implied on there too so the passing woman knows what they are getting into...)

R
 
ayase said:
Would you judge someone's worth as a romantic partner based on their profession / education or lack of vash? I know I wouldn't. Focus on saying good rather than negative things, definitely. But to require someone to be a motivated, driven individual to be worthy of being loved frankly strikes me as a little bit shallow.

Just seeing it put like that made me think about what I would say about how I spend my time if was being honest. Probably "I continue to exist for no particular reason, as I was brought into existence not of my own volition and much of the time find it a preferable alternative to not existing". Needless to say I don't tend to get the girls. But then if they care about that kind of stuff then I don't particularly want them.
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I wouldn't care at all about education, or whether the job someone has is a high paying ambitious one or not. but nonetheless there are certain occupations that would have me thinking "Its a lot more likely I'm not going to hit it off with this person" or will just give me a general idea of what sort of things that person is inclined towards. For example if I saw that someone was studying clinical pharmacology, I'll think "hmmm, the chances of me clicking with this woman probably isn't all that high". That's not to say that I definitely wouldn't, but it doesn't bode well, our world views would just be too different.

If one doesn't have any particular drive or ambition in terms of career, that's not problem, but instead let people know what does really interest you and what you are passionate about spending your time on. Because if someone tells me they work a job they have no love for, have no plans to anything more, have no particularly strong interests outside of work, and just "continue to exist for no particular reason", I'm going to be thinking that this person is a ridiculous bore with no substance.
 
vashdaman said:
I saw that someone was studying clinical pharmacology, I'll think "hmmm, the chances of me clicking with this woman probably isn't all that high". That's not to say that I definitely wouldn't, but it doesn't bode well, our world views would just be too different.
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That may just be a problem for you and those who favour a similar approach to medicine as yourself, however, given your faith in medicine which modern science cannot find evidence to support, let alone prove the worth of. You dating someone with an education in medicine? The arguments would never end! It would be like Charles Darwin going on a date with Sarah Palin, of something equally mismatched.
 
vashdaman said:
I wouldn't care at all about education, or whether the job someone has is a high paying ambitious one or not. but nonetheless there are certain occupations that would have me thinking "Its a lot more likely I'm not going to hit it off with this person" or will just give me a general idea of what sort of things that person is inclined towards. For example if I saw that someone was studying clinical pharmacology, I'll think "hmmm, the chances of me clicking with this woman probably isn't all that high". That's not to say that I definitely wouldn't, but it doesn't bode well, our world views would just be too different.
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Now I understand your position better, I have to agree that there are some occupations which imply a certain world-view that might not be compatible with others on an emotional level. I wouldn't be particularly keen on getting to know someone whose occupation was "local organiser for the BNP" for example.

vashdaman said:
If one doesn't have any particular drive or ambition in terms of career, that's not problem, but instead let people know what does really interest you and what you are passionate about spending your time on. Because if someone tells me they work a job they have no love for, have no plans to anything more, have no particularly strong interests outside of work, and just "continue to exist for no particular reason", I'm going to be thinking that this person is a ridiculous bore with no substance.
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Aw, you wouldn't want to slap me across the face and shout "Ayase you fool! There is a whole world filled with wonder and excitement out there, come with me and let us experience it together!"

Mutsumi said:
you and your kind
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Mutsu, do you really have to refer to people like this? I know I'm not a mod and have no authority over you (nor would I want any) but I have known you for a while and tend to think you're an decent guy; statements like that do harm my opinion of you because they smack of a fairly massive superiority complex. Vash has proven to be one of the more intelligent and intelligible posters around here of late, even if you disagree with his opinions.
 
ayase said:
Mutsumi said:
you and your kind
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Mutsu, do you really have to refer to people like this? I know I'm not a mod and have no authority over you (nor would I want any) but I have known you for a while and tend to think you're an decent guy; statements like that do harm my opinion of you because they smack of a fairly massive superiority complex. Vash has proven to be one of the more intelligent and intelligible posters around here of late, even if you disagree with his opinions.
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I apologise. I didn't mean it to sound like that. "you and those who favour a similar approach to medicine as yourself" sounds better, yes? That is what I meant, but I done goofed it this time I guess.
 
Invisible Crane said:
Is there anything I could change on it that would improve my chances of finally finding someone...I've never ever had a GF before and OKC is my only chance right now
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You seem to have gathered a lot of posts with sensible input to help improve your profile, i'm going to take another approach.

These dating websites in general never seem to work, my advice is to get yourself out there: you won't find a soulmate in a bar, you wouldn't find a soulmate in a nightclub and deffo not on dating websites, leave that to the 30+ market.

First Look at yourself in a mirror, see how you dress and the way you keep yourself (be that scruffy hair or gelled or short back and sides) if you look scruffy you lose appeal, if you speak like a chav and don't pronounce your words then you lose appeal again (nobody wants to hear you speak like the queen but just pronouncing your words and cutting out words like "init" and "coz" will benefit you)

Nobody is asking you to change your whole wardrobe or who you are fundimentally but just refining the nicer points, if your clean shaven with short hair styled with product to a degree but not like something out of jersey shore. Buy a few new t-shirts or shirts and find out what works for you; if you are weedy and beanpole like then focus on your face as it will be your selling point, wear casual colours - white or black work well with some jeans and smart footwear (so no nike air or 2 year old vans scribbled all over)

If your built like a womble then wear loose long sleeved shirts with a tshirt underneath and the sleeves rolled up the arm (reason for long sleeves rolled up rather than short sleeves means you can make a slight difference in an instant to change from laid back to smart) again jeans and comfortable but sensible footwear.

If you have put the time in to build your body and have confidence in your appearance go for V neck t shirts with jeans and sensible shoes. Again stick to colours like black or white, blue at a push, no reds, greens, oranges, yellows until you've really worked on your self esteem.

Be approachable, be polite (no prospective girlfriend wants to hear "bitch" or anything similar when being referred to) be quick thinking and pay attention to what is being said! the amount of guys staring at the chest when they should be listening is facepalm worthy. be laid back but interesting - there is a fine line between being laid back and being lazy.
Be pro-active - don't wait for them to come to you, thats not how it works for the most part, you go to them.

If there is no eye contact between you atleast 3 glances then its not worth bothering, communication is 93% non verbal 7% verbal so pay attention to the way you hold yourself, folded arms is a guarded stance it shows you are being defencive. Hands in pockets is a slobbish trait, holding your phone and pretending to text is a confidence red light, holding a beer and taking part in the conversation helps as it keeps your hands busy so you can't wave talk and if you do its held back to one hand (more acceptable) remember to be confident - you'll have that primal urge to talk to her but another part of you will say no dont move, don't talk to her. DON'T LISTEN TO YOURSELF, follow your heart not your knob or your mind trying to talk you out of it. THrow yourself in at the deep end and go say hi.

Take my advice or ignore it, i'm just posting what i've learnt through both watching others make the mistakes or myself on the odd occasion. Most blokes either have too much confidence and it plays out as self centred cockiness or not enough and they don't even push to go say hi. a nice medium always helps, so does throwing in a joke - no not a knock knock or a one liner but take something that has happened recently (not to you, the pissing yourself isn't a joke to use its a turn off) and have a laugh at it. Off the top of my head i'd say something to do with the petrol strikes; don't be offensive but it will show you care enough to pay attention to whats going on in the world.

Anyway, hopefully something i've written will help you.
 
My sister's spent the whole Christmas holidays on this site doing nothing but tweaking their profiles and answering dodgy messages... the whole thing terrifies me. Good luck though?

I have noticed that women (or my sisters and their friends?) tend to not bothered contacting anyone first though, I think as a guy you;re probably expected to send the first message a lot of the time and only then do they look at your profile.

Again the whole thing terrifies me. I mean what would I say? I'm a mathematician who works for the QA dept in IT? Receeding hairline and untidy facial hair? :p Interested in anime and heavy metal. It's the average ladies worst nightmare on paper lol. Thankfully I don't feel the need to go on these sites... yet?
 
FourthLion said:
I mean what would I say? I'm a mathematician who works for the QA dept in IT? Receeding hairline and untidy facial hair? :p Interested in anime and heavy metal. It's the average ladies worst nightmare on paper lol. Thankfully I don't feel the need to go on these sites... yet?
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Sounds pretty nice on paper in honesty, depending on how you spin it! An intellectual who works for a rare company which actually has a QA department, with a self-deprecating sense of humour and some decent interests? Someone looking for an independent type of partner could find themselves impressed.

Sure, nobody is going to attract everyone (Tachi's advice for example will work for some women but will completely turn others off) but you can definitely market what you have there if you ever decide you want to :)

R
 
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