Flirting while in a relationship is...
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ayase
State Alchemist
Voted for the top option, but it's different for different people. I'm a believer in polyamory (for everyone involved in a relationship mind you, I'm not a supporter of polygamy because I see it as one sided and unfair) but then plenty of people are monogamous, so I imagine they'd see it differently.
I dont think it's bad to "check people out" by looking at someone passing-by or on the dance floor, but to go up to someone and say something etc may push trust too far. I'm quite loyal when it comes to people closest to me, so to chat up another girl (in my case) while in a relationship would make me feel like a traitor. I cant help it: even if it's for a little fun, I wouldn't risk getting into the habbit.
But like I said, a healthy young man cant stop themselves from eye-candy, male or female.
But like I said, a healthy young man cant stop themselves from eye-candy, male or female.
I understand people looking, I mean, that's human nature, but actually going up to the person and flirting with them, when your supposed to be in a relactionship? surely it defeats the point of entering into a committed relationship in the first place? or perhaps I misunderstood the point of a relationship?
ayase
State Alchemist
Thing is, what is the point of a relationship? Again, it means different things to different people. To some people that commitment and faithfulness to one person is important, but I for one wouldn't want or expect that from others, or like others to expect that of me. F*ck buddies FTW, basically. I believe it's possible to love people without feeling possesive over them.SundayMorningCall said:
fabio de lunatico
Claymore
Flirting's okay until the other person flirts back and you feel all tingly in your groin area then they seduce you resulting in a night of passion but then your partner finds out and dumps you and you fall into a deep depression and lose your job and can't afford to pay the rent or mortgage and eventually have no recourse but to jump in front of the 8.45 to Charing Cross and devastate your entire family.
ayase
State Alchemist
Wow. Er... That was depressing. Hope that's made up and not from personal experience. Very sorry if it is (I've never had to deal with suicide personally but we had a couple in our family before I was born - I get the impression it's a pretty terrible thing to have to deal with) but that little story is just another example of how social mores really f*ck the world up.fabricatedlunatic said:
@Sunday - Again, depends. The way I view things I think it would be nice if everyone had some good friends who you trusted and cared about (and, yes probably loved is the right way to phrase it) but occasionally became intimate with when any of you felt like it. Sadly I think this kind of thinking went out with the 1960's.
I don't see the need for commitment, honesty and trust is good enough for me.
fabricatedlunatic said:
Well I can't really compete with that.
On the other tangent I don't really like the idea of open relationships. Probably because I'm so painfully introverted that it will inevitably end up with me having a monogamous relationship with someone who is not as deeply into me, a recipe for emotional disaster on both sides as time goes by. I don't have enough close friends to consider the Utopian model ayase described a reasonable substitute for the trust and intimacy of a standard one on one relationship.
I am lucky to have a very relaxed partner who is my very close friend as well as my mate (it goes both ways) so I haven't so far felt any temptation to look elsewhere for a thrill.
R
ayase
State Alchemist
Neither do I really, I'm just being idealistic. That's just what I'd like to see instead of people who aren't really monogamous entering into monogamous relationships because it's "the done thing". It will likely happen to me too once I get desperate, I just think it's a shame that our society teaches people to have such high expectations of others when they're more than likely (divorce rate forty-odd percent) to be disappointed.Rui said:
MaxonTreik
Chuunibyou
Voted "Disrespectful and detrimental to a relationship.". How anyone can have an open relationship is beyond me but I accept that they happen. If you do it in secret when you're supposed to be in a commited relationship, you're an asshole/slut. Simples.
ayase
State Alchemist
As the All About Eve song goes, "Never Promise Anyone Forever". We live in a society where the done thing is to commit yourself to one person and to have them commit themselves to you. Why 43% of those that do so make liars of themselves like that is beyond me, and the most common cause of relationships ending is that one of the parties has an (physical or just emotional) affair. So either these people don't stay in love forever, or they're capable of loving more than one person at the same time. Probably both are pretty common.Maxon said:
You can say they're assholes, sluts, whatever - I just think they weren't meant to be in a monogamous relationship in the first place, but society has engrained this idea of "how we're supposed to live" in their minds. Some people are quite happy in monogamous relationships I'm sure, but a lot of people just aren't suited to it, and I think the prevelance of monogamy in our society is more a holdover from religious practices than actually having any grounding in natural human behaviour.
deactivated
Hunter
Look don't touch
Will-O'-The-Wisp
Cardcaptor
I'll have to agree with Chaz's post. If I were out with my girlfriend, and saw a fine lady running up steps with her boobs jiggling about, I would still gawk at them for a few seconds and probably even tell her about them X], It works the same in reverse; If she see's a hot body builder in the window of a clothes store, she won't hesitate to stop for a little. We'll joke to each other later on about what we saw and that's as far as it will go. She's knows she's my number one <3
fabio de lunatico
Claymore
My last post was meant to be taken with humour, though it could conceiveably happen!
Serious answer: we seem to have moved beyond mere flirting into polyamarous relationships. My view is that providing both parties are happy and understand the implications, then I don't care what they do. It's not for me because I tend to get attached to one person, but whatever. Despite that, though, it's always struck me as odd, even dishonest, how people claim to have found "the one" amongst the relatively tiny number of potential partners they've met (and even tinier number they've spent time getting to know) during their life. I doubt I could ever marry because I'd be acutely aware that there could be hundreds or even thousands more suitable people.
That's even more depressing than the other post =D
Serious answer: we seem to have moved beyond mere flirting into polyamarous relationships. My view is that providing both parties are happy and understand the implications, then I don't care what they do. It's not for me because I tend to get attached to one person, but whatever. Despite that, though, it's always struck me as odd, even dishonest, how people claim to have found "the one" amongst the relatively tiny number of potential partners they've met (and even tinier number they've spent time getting to know) during their life. I doubt I could ever marry because I'd be acutely aware that there could be hundreds or even thousands more suitable people.
That's even more depressing than the other post =D
Spyro201 said:
quote for dogsdick!
how can you compare flirting with having an open relationship? flirting is just chatting with a hint of sexual suggestion and there isnt even always that... its just chatting to someone your attracted to... i dont know how to explain it but its not cheating theres no contact.
open relationships are kissing/******* other people... and i dont understand it either.
ayase
State Alchemist
@skikes - you wanted to know if people thought it was acceptable, I presumed you'd also know why we thought the way we did, and that's why I brought polyamory into it. Sorry if I did any derailing in the process, but I don't think I did really. As expected most people disagree with me anyway.
Wait, no. That is depressing.
Oh God, I'm so depressed.
That's not depressing, that's the kind of thing that runs through my head on a regular basis.fabricatedlunatic said:
Wait, no. That is depressing.
Oh God, I'm so depressed.