Who wants to see all the creative stuff I do when I'm not watching anime?

Ignore my messy bedroom XP But yeah this is everything from the last few weeks (though the graphic on lined paper was part of a week of journaling where I did some other writing as well which I won't publish here cuz it's basically diary entry-type stuff) apart from my nephew's b-day card, I got some heavy body Liquitex professional acrylic paint and that's been fab so far - I'm really proud of my latest picture with the fish, I worked on that for almost a week on and off and it came out really well! :)
 

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please save my earth

i do like the frog in with the fish, its just like, you wanted to include a frog and thats something i understand. also jellyfish

what is the red thing in the middle they are drawn to? looks like a vortex in there
 
please save my earth

i do like the frog in with the fish, its just like, you wanted to include a frog and thats something i understand. also jellyfish

what is the red thing in the middle they are drawn to? looks like a vortex in there

Yeah I loved that manga and OVA and wanted to do a lil tribute to it :)

I did really want to include a frog! How could you tell? :p

It's just a nice flower with a spirally centre, I guess it could be interpreted in a kind of spiritual way but it wasn't intended to be sinister :)
 
I did really want to include a frog! How could you tell? :p

It's just a nice flower with a spirally centre, I guess it could be interpreted in a kind of spiritual way but it wasn't intended to be sinister :)

Lets just say you are not the second or third or even fourth person (frogs)

it doesn't look too sinister really. I didn't think it was at first. I suppose the red suggests such but the mirror petals almost negate that. It is just curious as all fish are looking towards to it so suggests some importance there
 
Bigg heccin update time! :)
 

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Currently working on my first picture with my long discontinued 126-colour set of Neocolour II Water-soluble wax pastels that I got off Ebay (it's a lil owl friend 🥰 )! o_O🫠
 

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Finally adding the remainder of last year's projects! :)
 

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That's everything for 2023, more to come! :)
 

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A few poems I wrote over the last three days, they're all untitled but I'll put Poem 1, 2, 3 etc. to make it easier to tell where one ends and another begins :)

Poem 1

When I was quite small
I learned that people react badly if you are “too happy”
(or too sad, but that’s a discussion for another day)
It seems to breed resentment
So we as a species will drag each other down to earth
Kicking and screaming in pain and anguish
As if that makes the ones doing the dragging happier somehow
I grew to fear being harmed, injured by others
If I were to express unbridled joy in public
I think I almost came to believe that
If I were to tap into that long lost joy in my heart
I would be unable to stay on the ground
But being this sad and depressed
Constantly “correcting” my bursting smile as if it were a terrible naïveté
Some sort of personality flaw
Is so unbearable that it is slowly killing me anyway
So
If being happy costs me my life
Then so be it
I will float up into the stars
For I would rather be Icarus
And reach for the sun
With a spark of it’s light glowing in my eyes
Than live a life spent being miserable and dreamless
To appease others
I would rather have my head explode as I exit earth’s atmosphere
Than feel like dying all the time

Poem 2

Tangled up in knots
I trip over my own mind
Struggling to extend to myself
The kindness I always try to show to others
I have realised gradually that a lot of the worrying I did
During the first three and a half decades of my life
Was unnecessary and pointless
But it didn’t feel that way
So I will be gentle with myself
And not worry that I worried too much
That was then
This is now
My anxiety
Takes a bow
And fades off the stage
Becoming first a ghost and then completely non-existent
I am loved
The dear friends I thought were judging me and looking for a reason to abandon me
Love and accept me unconditionally
Today I will be at peace
With a calm mind
Knowing I have a home in the people I love
And that they love me
So I will enjoy this big beautiful world
So full of oceans and stars
All within the soul as well
And full of possibilities
Dazzling brilliantly from within me
With every dreamy gaze upon a crush
Every dirty fantasy
Every act of love and kindness
Every disarmingly cute smile
Every time I live immersed in the passionate joy of creating
Imbibing this amazing day as if it were the sweetest nectar
I light up my face and I light up those around me
I am beautiful
Brimming with delight
Today will be good
And I will shine brightly like a light
But one that lasts
And I, who did NOT die
Became like the softest hearted of parents unto myself
I will be the person I needed when I was a child
Life is a miracle
A commonplace miracle
But a miracle nonetheless
Doesn’t that make you excited for what else that is beautiful and true
Could happen in this strange place we call reality?

Poem 3

Let’s be a little more on the side of our angels today
“Best self” is perhaps
A touch grandiose and a very high standard
But let’s try to love and be kind
In a world torn asunder by hate and war
Let’s dare to hope and dream for better
I really want to know you
And it excites me so much that there are so many people in the world
To learn to understand
To laugh with (not at)
The mundanity of the world
Can be as profound as the rare and unexpected
You do the dishes as I hug and kiss you from behind
My arms wrapped around your chest and waist
Sit and talk with me a while
And we’ll make the world a little sweeter
Like milk and honey
Flowing forth from some great mystical river
That is the magic of the world
Sun awakens, moon awakens
And somewhere in the middle of it all
Gazing at the sky
Is you
Your piece of this wonderful earth
Gently tilled and rich with flowers and food
Beautiful boy (but not only do I say this for boys)
The loveliest rainbow of people
Lighting up the world
Bringing so much that is so varied
Subtle and overt shades of sadness and joy
Smiling, crying, talking with each other
I’m very glad to know you!

Poem 4

Sometimes you are a very sweet fuzzy boy
Making little utterances that are so darling they send my heart in a spin
I want to kiss your cheek
Touch the place that softness came from
With my lips
And when I withdraw them that little sound you made
Will be stored inside me, swallowed like a raindrop made of sugar water
Is this love?
Perhaps not, but
Your smile is all I need right now
You’re all I need sometimes
I will move on and forward
But being by your side is more comforting
In this precious moment
Than I usually have the courage to admit
 
More poetry, I have also done a creative project for every two weeks of this year so far and plan to post those here soon as well :)

Poem 5 2024

You are distractingly pretty
And have a lovely personality
An arresting combination
If noticing that
Were criminal
I’d be in handcuffs
Whenever we spend an evening together
But that’s not really the vibe
And I feel deeply contented to know something of your mind heart and soul
If not your body
Make me a bit uncomfortable sometimes perhaps
Tell me things I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, in small doses
For I would honestly rather accept you as you are, friend
Than be lost in a hopelessly idealised fantasy
The real you is actually pretty great
As it turns out
Far more than just an attractively blank canvas
Keep being part of my life, if you would
As I very much enjoy
Having you around
And this poem is probably at least marginally more interesting
Than a generic friendship day card
Purchased from Hallmark
(meows affectionately, and writes “Screw Flanders” a few times to increase word count) :p

Poem 6 2024

You are beautiful humans
Unimaginably sweet and soft
Full of gentle wonder and imagination
Bursting with creativity
We dance together sometimes, equal parts laughing silliness and the joy of movement
We make each other giggle awkwardly
We find words won’t always do, so we make animal sounds
We hold each other often, retreating from the world’s hurts into each other’s warmth and adoration
You are generous and giving with your love and time
I love feeding you and being fed by you, you are always most welcome in my kitchen!
I can barely imagine or remember life without you
You are more precious and important than you know
Please keep my world turning
Love like need want
I feel all of those for you

Poem 7 2024

I carry around wounds inside
Or I did
For a very long time
When there was a difference between how I felt about someone
And how they felt about me
It seemed like a recipe for disaster
An inevitable tragic fate
To feel deeply was to be a murderer of attachment
A screwed up, deluded mess
Who didn’t understand or appreciate what people offered
“JUST friends”
So much bitterness runs through so many people
When those words are uttered
I love him I love him I love him
I love her I love her I love her
I love them I love them I love them
So very very much
The sweetest most precious feelings inside me
Became volatile
In a world that can be so lacking in sincerity
Everything laden and dripping with irony and sarcasm
Shame, guilt, fear
Were such everyday every minute things
That I doubted there was another way for me to live or be
But now I know
That it often takes two to tango
In these matters
And that it was not all my fault
I loved my friends
And if I was a bit too much, perhaps they were a bit too little
In their faith and trust in me
I learned to like myself because of people like you
Thankyou for understanding me
For seeing that my heart is good
For touching it without flinching the way some others have
When they saw the scars
When they saw love bleeding out of me
Thankyou for putting your arms around me
With your kindness and acceptance
Healing becomes my everyday
To all the extraordinary, kind people
Who are my friendship family
Thankyou, thankyou, THANKYOU
For the priceless gift
Of your tenderness
I feel like I have ten mothers
Who all see the best in me
All the time
And what
Could possibly be better
Than that?
I have yet to find it

Poem 8 2024

Let’s go hunting, you said
It’ll be fun, you said
I was doubtful, but I followed you
My older brother
The air smelled of trees
And I could hear the stream
Squirrels chased each other through the canopy
We walked softly
But your heart can be so cold, like ice
I tried to harden mine, to steel it
But in truth I could not
A wolf crossed our path
And you started following it, creeping and crawling behind
Like a centipede short on legs
You were always the more nimble of the two of us
But the more graceful mover
Does not necessarily have much grace
A twig cracked under my foot
The wolf looked up, surprised
“Come on, run after it!” You yelled
And run I did
We both ran, senselessly
Bursting with fear and adrenaline
Another wolf comes
And leaps at me
I panic
And foolishly fire my gun
Blood
Pain
Everything ends
A noble spirit embiggens the smallest
So they say
I shot that beast
So it cannot run through woods again
With it’s last breath
It whimpered, looked into my shocked face
And saw me start to crack
Grief and guilt
Tearing me from within
As if I was trying to give back that creature’s life
By birthing it anew
Claws and all
From inside myself
Perhaps I cannot do this thing
Because I am a man
But I can choose to be a better one
“Never again”, I said
I will not be a bringer of death, especially for amusement
For I can say surely
Nothing is less entertaining
Even dadaists
Would shake their heads and put them in their hands
After that
I slept at home, feeling full of weighty sadness and melancholy
Until my wounds healed a bit
Then I went back into the woods
And would lie very still and watch
Walk around treading very gently
I wanted to see nature I wanted to be in it
I wanted to see that the world had not ceased to turn
See that there was life in this place
That it thrived
I hoped to find the wolf’s cubs and raise them myself, if it had any
But I found no cubs
Perhaps that wolf was still quite young
Only just setting out into the world
I longed for a deeper understanding of the forest’s inhabitants
To feel and see what most men do not
One day I fell, tripping over a branch
As I lay there, with hot pain in my leg, and bleeding
Another wolf came up to me
I was prepared to die in that moment
But the wolf gently licked my wound
And in that moment
I could forgive myself
Tears streamed down my face
Everything I had held in my shattered soul
Poured out of me
The wolf licked my face, then lay beside me
I wanted to understand the life of the wood
That creature understood me
What an unexpected blessing
To find in the wilderness
 
I did really big/challenging jigsaws early in the year that took a lot of time, so counted those as the projects for Weeks 1-2 and Weeks 3-4, and the project for Weeks 17-18 was a birthday picture for my nephew that has his name on it so I won't be posting it here - I also sent him the owl I made and he loved it and now his big brother wants one too! 🥰 I'm super proud of how much I managed to accomplish in 2023 but has been nice to slow down a bit and take more time over each project this year so far too :)
 

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I have put Poem 9 under a spoiler tag as it's quite sexual, not majorly explicit but just being mindful or w/e :)

Poem 9 2024

All of me hopelessly flushed red and laid bare
When you look at me with that spark of desire
Sometimes it’s nice to enjoy the darkness
As your beautiful eyes shine like stars
We are as animals
But tender, claws sheathed
Rip my clothes off and gently maul me
Fill me with pleasure and wetness
Kiss me where I most long to be kissed
Upon my tempting neck
Between my open legs
I am wild with hunger for you
As you lovingly devour me, just a little
Without biting
Will I ever be sated?
Uncertain
But you relieve the ache better than most
Until I awaken again
Like a flower that blooms every night

Poem 10 2024

I watch as the world seems, for all intents and purposes, to be ablaze
Not out of indifference
Out of helplessness
I see the downtrodden stepped upon
Lack of understanding poisons the world
Like some unhappy, terror-stricken serpent has it’s fangs in it
The sacred feminine screams
I cry, for despair at what else I can do except feel something kind for those who suffer
But
I will embrace that frightened snake
Hear it’s sadness, listen
It lives
Perhaps that is why it suffers
But I will always believe
There is more to life than that
There’s enough love in the world
I will believe that, even when it doesn’t seem like it
Always enough love in the world
Even when times are hard
I will give all the love I can and take all the love I need
Amongst death and destruction
Conflict and war
I am hope
I am creation
I will make and do things
That shine a light in the darkness
My lantern is small and quiet
But I know the people who love me
Will keep it burning
To their spirits I walk
Holding a match
 
Poem 11 2024

Reflecting back upon life
One of my favourite things about it
Is the little ways that each person who was or is precious to me
Left an imprint
There is some little tell
That I have known you and you have known me
In something I say or do
Sometimes in the past
These things were sad and difficult to acknowledge
When the one who left the mark
Was not part of my world anymore
But now I have friends who I know
Are staying for good (and bad, and difficult)
Nothing could be more beautiful
Than knowing that some little part of how they love and who they are
Is now part of me too
I treasure everything in me
That I noticed a loved one do
That made me feel so loved
That I had to do it too
In the hopes that it would make the other people in my life
Feel what I felt
Feel special
Know I saw the face of god when I gazed upon them
The small and insignificant can be everything
Every particle makes a universe
Every raindrop an ocean
Everyone I loved and love is part of who I am
If I forget everything
May these things
Be the last I lose
For your favourite emoji
(Which I use all the time now)
The gentle feel of your hands and arms
(Which taught me how to get even better at holding and touching people)
The taste of your favourite dish to cook for us
(Which ultimately lead me to actually bother to cook for myself)
You calling me baby
In that gentle high voice that is so soft and sweet sounding
And so many other small and precious things
Mean so much more to me
Than my name, address
Or national insurance number
Ever could

Poem 12 2024

Just girls being girls
I loved being a girl with you
I loved giving you everything I wished men would give me
You made me feel like I mattered
Your sweetness put most boys to shame
I wanted to protect you from the one who had hurt you most
Both carrying deep sadness, we gently explored each other
You were soft and pretty and ******* beautiful
I loved being a girl with you
You were never in love with me
But that is ok
I just wanted to make you feel special
To help make sure you knew you mattered
The way you showed me I did
Wherever you are now
May you know only the tenderest and most exuberant joy and happiness
I hope you have as much money
As you made me feel like when I was with you
Just girls being girls
Just girls playing softly with each other
Just girls being emotional and sentimental
No man to compete for
No man to separate us
Just girls together
I loved being together with you
Even when my mind and my life
Were in all honesty
Rather a mess
Holding you was like heaven
I wanted to gently kiss away every tear that you shed
And tell you you were perfect
And any man who couldn’t see that
Or mistreated you
Was a complete fool
Just girls being girls
I loved being a girl with you
I wish I could have brushed your hair
And sat with you telling stories
In a little cottage
Out of a fairytale
The world is harsh
But you were anything but
Only ever kind words for me
Don’t doubt your worth
Girl that I loved

Poem 13 2024

It’s the end of the world
Let’s
Hang out
Have a big party that even introverts might be tempted to attend
Tell people how gorgeously lush and lovely we think they are when we usually wouldn’t have the guts
Watch the stars
Do unspeakably naughty things in semi-public places
Forgive each other
Love each other
Hold hands
Sing
Phone people we haven’t spoken to in years
You get the idea
Might as well make the world a better place
When there is nothing left to lose
Anymore
We will all be stardust tomorrow
But for tonight, we live as flesh and blood!
Take my hand
Come with me
Connect
Before all is dead and gone

(tbh I think Poem 14 sucks but here it is anyway) XP

Poem 14 2024

Sounds and songs fill me with emotion
All music, a symphony inside me
I am always reaching for the heart
The core inside a person
Longing for someone to take away that pain and loneliness inside me
That is the search for the other half long lost
At the origin of love
I yearn to touch and be touched
To feel tender, unselfish care from fingers, hands, arms, lips and other parts
Of a lover
I want to be special to someone
I need to find him who
I am always reaching for inside my mind
Someone who I can hold and embrace for life
I stand before you a hopeless romantic dreamer
Who yearns for your deepest most complete affinity
And understanding
My heart cries out to love
My heart always cries out for love
Hear my cry and respond with your own
Let’s go through life together
We will not be one but two
For I cannot quite synchronise with anyone
But I always offer you my understanding
You will be the boy in my fantasies
Who makes me ache with desire
Who I could barely stand to lose
I hunger for your skin
I want to make the blood in your veins
Pulse and pump through you
With passion and excitement
Be with me
Be inside me
In my heart and loins
You reside
And my home
Is your home
Sweet tender boy
From a dream I wake
And you remain beside me

Poem 15 2024

Intimacy
A word that encompasses a whole world of joy
Tenderness
Sorrow
Pain
Love
Yet so much fun to be had!
Did you swallow a small world?
Will I find it inside you if I touch your lips to mine
Enough times?
I care little
My curiosity is of a different nature
Play with me
Your kisses tingle
Your touch is a strange mix
Of comfortably familiar
And intensely exciting
Your body is not why I got to know you
But it’s a rather wildly pleasant surprise
To be
In such a compromising
Yet lushly pleasurable position
With you
Play with me
Adults often don’t play enough
So relax
There’s plenty more pleasure where that came from
As I gaze hungrily at you
More please
If you wish it
I am always ready for you
And your pretty face and hands
Distract me from everyday life for a time
For you are one of the better respites
I have found
In this unpredictable, sometimes cruel world
Kiss me?

Poem 16 2024

Making out with sexy boys
(though not only boys, I will note)
Is a year round activity for me
It has no specific season
I blossom when kissed
When touched
I am perennial
But more than that
A hibiscus
Lavender (I am told I smell very good!)
Lantana
Evergreen, with constantly flushed red cheeks
Their lips and hands on me are a little taste of a heaven I do not as such believe in
But I trust in their arms wrapped around me
If I fall they’ll catch me
I do not doubt
For we are all the dearest of friends
Playing with each other
In a garden of Eden
I am the happiest I have ever been
Summer’s coming
But it’s not the only thing
That’s making me hot and wet
I put on the electric fan
And return to sitting
In one of my favourite laps
I prefer colder weather
But people like that
Are worth turning up the heat for
Let’s get soaked
I always did like waterguns
 
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