a short story i'm working on (updated 16/11/05)

M

Martin

Death Scythe
This isn't really anime-related, but is just a little something that's been knocking around in my head for a while.

The story is mainly inspired by Raymond Chandler stories, with a bit of Murakami, Twin Peaks and Paranoia Agent thrown in (at least, that might appear later). Basically, it's about a private investigator who is working in a retro-futuristic city. A cross between The Big Sleep and cyberpunk anime, kind of. Feel free to let me know what you think!
 
Chapter 1: the Hard-Boiled Dream

I sit in silence, watching the smoke curl upwards from the ashtray. There is an old Pink Floyd tune playing in the background but neither this nor the moronic chat show on the TV hold my attention. Alice is sitting opposite, chewing on the rim of the polystyrene cup in the way she always does when she’s thinking about something.

“You ought to speak to Okley about that,â€
 
I haven't read this chapter yet, but since it's influenced by Paranoia Agent and Murakami, and has an interesting premise, i'll be sure to post my thoughts on this when i've read in it about ten minutes.

I'm currently writing a long, widing story that has echoes of Murakami in it, myself.

EDIT: It certainly kept my interest through the whole chapter. Literature's good, but what more interests me is how the first person protagonist's character gets more familiar with the reader throughout the chapter so at the end you feel you've read more about him than you actually have. I'm interesting in the romance plot hooks and "The Farm," and will certainly read subsequent chapters when they're written.

A fine chapter indeed.
 
cheers for the feedback! :) i've added this and the second chapter to my own site, since the second one is a bit longer so is a bit difficult to make as a post here.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2

since i'm such a Murakami fan, i'd be really interested in reading what you've done! ;)
 
I'm not really a Murakami fan (more a Mishima fan) but I really loved Paranoia Agent and most of Satoshi Kon's other works.

I think you captured the pacing and tone of a suspence/detective/PI story very well. I could actually play out the scene in my mind as I read through the two chapters. And I just had this sense that everything would take place in black and white. Know what I mean? Also, I think your attention to details like the paragraph about the 'over-strong coffee' allows the reader to get to know your character more through his thoughts and actions rather than blatently stating his personality traits.

I'm looking forward to reading more! Keep it up ya?
 
a short story i'm working on (updated 13/09/05)

I've finished chapter 3 now. Thanks for the input so far - it's been really helpful! :D

Scrapped Ducky: yeah, i tried to get a b/w 'film noir' kind of atmosphere for most of it, but i imagine the dream sections in colour for some reason!

Ramen89: i've become a masive Murakami fan over the past few months. he has a way of making the ordinary seem extraordinary and vice-versa. the writing syle he has is almost poetic. sheer genius!
 
I like your story the characters in it are great you are good at writing

i dont surpose you could help me with some things i have to do with film and manga storylines
 
JAKEMAN said:
I like your story the characters in it are great you are good at writing

i dont surpose you could help me with some things i have to do with film and manga storylines
Click to expand...

thanx :mrgreen:

yeah, i'll be happy to help with storylines and stuff. :D
 
The standard set by the first chapter is continuing, please keep working to this standard! I can see what you mean by adding colour in the dream sections. I also like the noir-ish atomosphere.

I've become a massive Murakami fan, Kafka on the Shore is my favourite, but there is just no weak link in his novels.

I must admit, Scrapped Ducky, that i've never read any Mishma, mainly due to diffcultly in locating the books, especially the first in (one of?) his quartet, but i'll be sure to try and find some. Update: just found Spring Snow, ordered.
 
*BUMP*

sorry it's taken a while what with getting my entire site moved over and whatnot (not to mention being a complete fool and forgetting how to type a mySQL query correctly!) but I've managed to write another chapter.

Chapter 4

Now that it's all on the new hosting instead of the old Lycos one the pages ought to display properly with no downtime or other glitches.
 
Concrete badger said:
*BUMP*

sorry it's taken a while what with getting my entire site moved over and whatnot (not to mention being a complete fool and forgetting how to type a mySQL query correctly!) but I've managed to write another chapter.

Chapter 4

Now that it's all on the new hosting instead of the old Lycos one the pages ought to display properly with no downtime or other glitches.
Click to expand...

The quality is the same as ever - well done! I look foward to reading the next installment, good luck with keeping your writing standard on its current level.
 
Thanks Chomo :D

Here's Chapter #5. It turned out to be a little longer than the others!

I'd be interested to see if anyone can work out where this is all set - the city is based on a real place, albeit mixed up with the Chandler and cyberpunk influences.
 
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