Relationships and Romance

Adela

Hikikomori
I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to:
 

Dave1988

Stand User
I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to:
It comes when you least expect it..
Mine did... Even those she is not from uk.. It happened for me and i was at that point that i had given up and just tried to enjoy what i have...but then out of thr blue... It happened... And i am not married... Would not swap her for anything... Im not the best looking..(far from it actually.. Far far far from it)
But it just happened... Soon as i saw her... I saw beuty in her not just her looks but her caring personallity
 

IdiomaticLynx

Student Council President
I honestly wish I could report that anything has changed for me but five years down the line, I'm even more convinced than ever that people are just unfathomable and unreasonable and overcomplicate everything and I don't think I want to go through the painful, draining, life-wrecking experience of loving a real person ever again. Once upon a time I had hope, instilled in me by well-meaning people and their relentlessly upbeat bull**** that "you'll find someone" or "it'll happen eventually" but hope is just the stupidity that is blind faith by another name and all that's happened is that now I look old and less attractive and I feel old and less attractive. At this point there's only really one thing for me to look forward to:
I know the last thing you'd want to hear now are those phrases. The ones saying them are generally the ones who've had it happen to them (often unexpectedly), so that skews things. Sadly there are no guarantees, and we all logically know that "it might not happen" holds true for many people as well.

But... there's still merit to saying and hearing these phrases. Not to instil false hope, but to create a positive outlook. Without that you're figuratively 'closing the door'. Instead, by 'believing' them you remain open to the idea, and that might make you see opportunities you would've otherwise dismissed. But more importantly, others can and will notice this as well.

The same goes with 'feeling old'. It's interesting how there is no correlation between 'feeling old' and 'being old'. There are plenty of young/middle aged people that 'feel old' and a lot of 60+ or even 80+ people that don't 'feel old'. Just by observing someone for a couple minutes you can generally guess what they'll answer when you ask them whether they feel old or not. In a way there are two forms of 'oldness', one 'physical' and one that can be 'observed'.

As for attractiveness, the same applies here as well, sort of. It's just that there's a lot more subjectivity when it comes to attractiveness, but I'd argue the same two distinct forms exists. There are physical traits that can make someone more attractive, but there's also a form of attractiveness that can only be observed. And the latter is both wonderful and unexplainable. Just realize it works both ways. You might happen to be attracted to someone (not (just) based on looks) and someone might be attracted to you in this way.

There's nothing you can do to change your physical age and appearance-wise there's only so much you can do. But not feeling old and feeling attractive is something that can be done. In fact, I'll put it bluntly: it's a choice. If you want, you can choose to feel young and attractive. Personally I was always very sceptical of this. Positive thinking always appeared as 'make believe' and faking it. After all, aren't you just 'telling' yourself something is true, without actually believing it? But nowadays I see it differently. It's essentially training. Just like how lifting a weight once, doesn't make you strong and might make you wonder, what am I doing? But keep at it and you'll get stronger. In fact, you will be strong outside of training as well. For me, it works exactly the same with positive thinking. At first it feels fake and useless, but after a while you get used to it and it's effects become apparent even when not 'training'.

Still, this doesn't guarantee anything. But I'm sure that anyone who feels young and attractive would consider their chances to be higher than zero. And logically, if there is a chance, give it enough time and it'll happen eventually.

~~~
Apologies for this unsolicited advice. While I did write it as a reply to your post, the above is meant more as a generic message and I hope it can be of help to anyone reading it. Feel free to dismiss it as well-meant nonsense (I know the me from years ago would as well).
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
I'm dating someone now, he's really nice and I'm happy with him, we dated years ago and it didn't work out then but we're doing really well now, just wanted to wish all the love and happiness in the world to anyone reading this who's single and finds valentine's day hard <3 <3 <3 not that I pity anyone here, but I do empathize cuz I've been there. Sorry if it's just annoying to hear that for anyone reading this, and I'm not saying or assuming that everyone's end goal should be a romantic relationship, but if it's something you really want and don't have I hope you can at least do something nice for you, spend time with loved ones or something like that, in the coming days :) <3
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
I'm single again cuz even though I wanted things to work with my previous boyfriend I knew he wasn't the right guy for me, so I broke up with him, and I wish I hadn't hurt him but that was definitely the right decision... so I have a date with a really lovely guy next week and I'm super excited he's just so gorgeous and lovely OMG and we have shared interests we're both creative types and both love anime and cartoons... I haven't looked forward to a date this much for a really long time he's wonderful - I'll let you all know how it goes! 🥰
🥰 🥰
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
I'm single again cuz even though I wanted things to work with my previous boyfriend I knew he wasn't the right guy for me, so I broke up with him, and I wish I hadn't hurt him but that was definitely the right decision... so I have a date with a really lovely guy next week and I'm super excited he's just so gorgeous and lovely OMG and we have shared interests we're both creative types and both love anime and cartoons... I haven't looked forward to a date this much for a really long time he's wonderful - I'll let you all know how it goes! 🥰
🥰 🥰

Me and the guy I was talking about met up last night I felt really safe with him when talking online so I invited him over and it was a really lovely night I'm super happy rn and really looking forward to seeing him again we will be meeting up soon for a proper date 🥰
🥰 🥰
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
But on my birthday at the end of May she remember to text me at least, and I was so happy, it was the only birthday text I had got all day. I felt harsh judging her for what might just be a lack of awareness about the seriousness mental health issues, and I never wanted to lose her like that again. So I started texting her every day again, I tried to get our old banter back, and I also sent her a package of her favourite chocolates. I now realise I did far too much too soon, but I still can't comprehend the cruelty that followed.

I'm so sorry that's really awful :( <3 I am not sure what else to say but I do wanna wish you happy birthday I'm sorry if no one else apart from her did. As you will probably know I've had mental health issues for many years myself my heart really goes out to you :( <3
 

Rui

Karamatsu Boy
Administrator
I don't quite know what to say, @Vashdaman - other than that you are valued and that she clearly has some issues with communication and empathy. Who invests their time bullying someone else over a video call when they could be doing literally anything else?! I hope you are doing ok because no matter how you analyse it and feel critical over your own actions - being excited at hearing from her isn't a sin - she was completely out of line.

The best people to keep in your life are those who raise you up, not those who pull you down, and this girl has definitely disqualified herself by venting her bitterness at her own life (I can only assume it's coming from there) at you. Perhaps when she's older she'll realise what she threw away and regret it. Invest some time in you and the things which bring you joy. And like RadFemHedonist, I want to wish you a belated happy birthday!

R
 

Vashdaman

Za Warudo
Ah man, thank you so much @Rui and @RadFemHedonist your words honestly mean so much to me. I really appreciate that.

Yeah, when I look back at our history together over the past 12 months or so honestly, I probably shouldn't have been so surprised about how she acted. She more often than not was cold and belittling to me, and she definitely did take her frustrations and unhappinesses with her own life out on me on a regular basis (that is definitely where it's coming from). She probably has her own problems and issues to work though.

I can understand now she might have not wanted me as close as we were previously and wanted distance, but she didn't need to do it like that. She only ever lowered my self-esteem and confidence, and yeah I want to be around people who will raise me and I would try to raise them. I do honestly wish her the best though, and I'm glad I at least managed to say that to her before I hung up.

Anyway, thanks so much to you two!
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
I'm in a weird place these days where part of me genuinely enjoys being single but part of me rly wants to be able to open my heart to someone in the way that one does with deep mutual love in a romantic relationship. TBH while I am a kind caring person I haven't rly been able to give my heart to anyone since my previous best friend who I had that unrequited thing for who I don't even talk to anymore... I'm not sure if a romantic relationship is right for me tbh (for one I'm not super consistent with my personal hygiene due to my depression and other health issues and I don't wanna gross a partner out and have them -understandably but heartbreakingly for me- end a relationship over it) :( I dunno it's like part of me feels like I'm being sentimental and am more into the idea of a romantic relationship than the reality of one but it would be lovely to find true love with someone who's heccin' beautiful inside and out one day. I'm 33 and my birthday's soon kinda feels like there's not much chance of it now though I know that's not necessarily true. At least I have made some real progress with being kinder to myself though and that has really helped me. I also am realising more how much closeness with women feels missing from my life overall. Hope y'all are doing ok and have nice holiday plans of some description :)
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
Sausages are good - I hope you enjoy them! 😄

I’m cleaning my Pops and trying to make some space to fit some new ones in 😅😅

For a second I thought you meant you were giving your dad some sort of bath... then I read the whole thing and I was clear that you meant Funko Pops XP

I'm traveling to my mum's for Xmas tomorrow and pretty stressed about it, I have tried so hard to get ready but I just feel sooo tiiiiiireeeedddd :<
 

snowintheskywithdiamonds

Completely Average High School Student
I'm in a weird place these days where part of me genuinely enjoys being single but part of me rly wants to be able to open my heart to someone in the way that one does with deep mutual love in a romantic relationship. TBH while I am a kind caring person I haven't rly been able to give my heart to anyone since my previous best friend who I had that unrequited thing for who I don't even talk to anymore... I'm not sure if a romantic relationship is right for me tbh (for one I'm not super consistent with my personal hygiene due to my depression and other health issues and I don't wanna gross a partner out and have them -understandably but heartbreakingly for me- end a relationship over it) :( I dunno it's like part of me feels like I'm being sentimental and am more into the idea of a romantic relationship than the reality of one but it would be lovely to find true love with someone who's heccin' beautiful inside and out one day. I'm 33 and my birthday's soon kinda feels like there's not much chance of it now though I know that's not necessarily true. At least I have made some real progress with being kinder to myself though and that has really helped me. I also am realising more how much closeness with women feels missing from my life overall. Hope y'all are doing ok and have nice holiday plans of some description :)
Hope you’re doing okay too! What are your holiday plans?
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
Hope you’re doing okay too! What are your holiday plans?

Am traveling to my mum's in Devon tomorrow by train to spend Xmas and New Year's with her and will also see her elderly lodger who is a very nice lady so that will be lovely too, I am gonna go to the Xmas market with my mum on Tuesday night and other than that we'll spend time together at her home mostly apart from when she's at work :) How about you what are your holiday plans? :)
 

snowintheskywithdiamonds

Completely Average High School Student
Am traveling to my mum's in Devon tomorrow by train to spend Xmas and New Year's with her and will also see her elderly lodger who is a very nice lady so that will be lovely too, I am gonna go to the Xmas market with my mum on Tuesday night and other than that we'll spend time together at her home mostly apart from when she's at work :) How about you what are your holiday plans? :)
That sounds lovely! I've never been to Devon but my grandmother's whole family is from there going back generations. Would love to visit some time

Very simple Christmas/NY this year, Christmas eve dinner and watching Swan Lake (just on tv, sadly not live) and then NYE will be a quiet one at home. Dinner For One (old black and white short film, not sure how popular it is here) is a family NYE tradition, with a little champagne and video calling family around the world throughout the night ☺️
 

RadFemHedonist

Dragon Knight
That sounds lovely! I've never been to Devon but my grandmother's whole family is from there going back generations. Would love to visit some time

Very simple Christmas/NY this year, Christmas eve dinner and watching Swan Lake (just on tv, sadly not live) and then NYE will be a quiet one at home. Dinner For One (old black and white short film, not sure how popular it is here) is a family NYE tradition, with a little champagne and video calling family around the world throughout the night ☺️

Oh wow awesome I wonder what their positions on milk or water first in tea and cream and jam on scones are :p

I don't know that short film but am really curious about it now, I wish someone would make, like, the ultimate animated film version of Swan Lake so I could watch that... is the (I assume ballet) version on TV any good? :) That all sounds very nice and you have reminded me to email back various family members that I have heard from recently :)

Am now safe and sound at my mum's house, and feeling pretty good rly :)
 
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