Hey, it's totally not anything for you to feel any badness over, RadFem, but thanks. It's a situation that does indeed very much suck.I'm really sorry you felt that way Neil.T, I know it sucks.
That's... bloody awful, quite frankly. You should be able to get what you want out of it as well. There's absolutely nothing to feel bad about there whatsoever, to my mind.I had the same fear when I was younger and fresh out of some horribly messed up relationships with guys who were selfish in bed and made me feel bad about wanting to get off. I still find it really difficult to ask for what I want in that context now
That's... exactly how I'm seeing it as well. I redid the quote to cater for your edit, but I wouldn't have disagreed with the original sentiment either, simply because those are the cases that seem to garner the most sensationalist media attention. But if we're honestly living in a society that causes this of all things...I feel like for the most part, women still expect men to make the first move, but men (and women, actually) seem to be increasingly given the impression that making advances is a form of sexual harassment if it turns out they’re unwanted, but until you make an advance you can’t know if it’s unwanted or not. So nobody makes a move, and people stay alone. Cue resentment, and the creation of both male and female incels.
... then we really are f**ked.I feel like a creep for making the first move too sometimes
This discussion's gotten really interesting.I just mean that I think that some people feel a certain sense of entitlement to never be the subject of anyone else's fantasies and I'm a bit like "please explain to me why I should care about your non-problem, that you are strangely indignant about?" As long as someone doesn't harass me their thought are their own business really. Why do we (society we not you or me in particular) have this unhealthy obsession with trying to sanitize and sterilize the contents of our minds and sexuality until there is little to nothing left?
Aww, dude. I'm sure you'd have something to add.This thread is really interesting - I’m just lurking because I don’t really have much to add
Because after the General Conversation Area, I'm trying to turn this into the Therapy Zone next; that's why!
Aww thanks so much @Donut! He and I are still talking and we are gonna meet up again tomorrow, we talked more about how we feel about each other and it turns out he was in an abusive longterm relationship fairly recently so he's not ready for another relationship yet, he said he does want a romantic relationship with me, just not right now, but we are still gonna talk online and he still wants to visit me when I go back home so I'm still really happy... I really feel for him though that must have been horrible for him But I firmly believe there is hope
I decided not to pursue it any further cuz there were certain things he said that made me afraid he might rape or sexually assault me... couldn't be sure but it's not worth the risk, though I did offer to be online friends with him still cuz I care about him, dunno if he'll talk to me again ^^ I'm OK though, tbh I think a lot of what stops me from being happy single is judgments that other people place on the way a person lives their life, that I have internalized, so I'm doing what I can to break free of all that, and live in a way that makes me happy rather than trying to live up to other's standards. Thanks for what you said @Donut, I really appreciate it, I'm sorry I never replied and I hope you and your mum are happy and well as you read this
I'm glad that you're trusting your gut, any red flags or things that make you uncomfortable are important to make note of and you've done what you needed to do in order to feel safe and comfortable. It's hard when you've experienced a lot of trauma, to trust again, but it's good that you're able to focus on yourself and that you recognize that your happiness and self acceptance is the priority here! I think the right person will not only make you feel 100% safe without any inklings of doubt, but they'll show you the utmost appreciation and support what makes YOU truly happy. So I'm proud of you I know this must have been hard and to have to experience these fears because this guy showed red flags must have been overwhelming. I hope you're doing alright! You're very strong.
Thank you for the love too! I've been a little quiet, I finished my extra work shifts and my mum phoned me in tears two days ago......it's stage three cancer and unfortunately it is malignant. That is what we were waiting on: if the cancer was a later stage, benign, malignant and the rest. She gets the dates soon and I'm soon going to be travelling three hours back home to be with her and stay as her carer for a while. Work already know and are supportive, so I might end up being pretty awol for the rest of the year. I swear cancer and illness follow my family and that literally every traumatic or difficult thing has happened in the autumn or winter, which is weird and a little sad because mum's birthday is in autumn and it's my favourite season.
The boyfriend has been very supportive too and doesn't mind that we won't get to meet yet and friends have been brilliant, I've just taken a few days to exist if I'm honest! I think I've got two work days coming up so I'm just going to get everything done that needs doing because I have a feeling this or next week might be my last there for some time.....so I'll leave the place with everything done so my lovely colleagues have nothing to worry about in my place as it's been really mad here.
She had breast cancer when I was little and twenty-one years later it's come back so at best it's going to be radiotherapy and another lumpectomy, then they have to remove her lymph nodes and if it has already spread sadly she'll need chemo and that's what really damaged my dad before he died. I'm twenty seven and my mum is barely sixty and dad was just seventy when he died a few years ago and it's really hard to wrap my head around. On top of that, I'm young but there's been a few reasons for me to be worried recently even before this news so I too might need to go back and ask for some checks. You can't get a mammogram under forty but with the repeated cancer cases in both halves of my family and now mum getting breast cancer again I have a feeling the hospital won't be sending an apology letter back this time saying the links aren't strong enough. It's just mum and me now so it's very strange. But I have to be strong and responsible and I've managed to keep my head up for her and be a support and that's what I'll continue to do.